Sunday, May 15, 2005

shopping and fucking

I woke up and decided I need more clothes, not only NEEDED them but had to have them NOW.
One spot of sunshine and I need cheesecloth, white cotton skirts, sandals and anything summery. Although I have clothes in my wardrobe that I have been looking at and adding to for nearly 30 years, but suddenly I have nothing that looks good for this interview tomorrow.
A National Newspaper is doing an adaptation of my book and I need to get photographed. I want to look nice.
Anyway I woke up husband and said “I need clothes please get up and drive me to the mall at Braehead”

Husband-“Don’t you actually have clothes in that closet?”
Me-“Yes but I want more”
Husband-“You don’t need more; you have hundreds of stuff in there”
Me-“Shut up, I want more clothes and I want to go there now”
Husband-“Ok then, but I am not coming into shops to look at things and comment on them”
Me-“I know you are not, why would I want you to come in with me? Have you had a stroke? You can sit in a cafĂ© or go stare at digital cameras –you like that!”

So there we went. It is still hot outside. I had sunburn pains from yesterday and at last night ‘Babycham Funny Women’ I was onstage and was dying to scratch. The women on stage were really really good. I was amazed at the talent, especially a small Scottish act who did material about talking cats that dressed up and did a pastiche of Sound of Music-she was great, I forget her name but will go look for it and give her a proper mention.
Ashley did a good set, she was nervous before hand and never wrote any stuff down, she just winged it and she did pull it off. She got big laughs and I was stunned at how tall she looked up there, I know she is tall but holy Fuck my daughter looked like a towering giant on stage, she did very well I am proud.
Just wished my daughter hadn’t told everyone how I put hair remover cream on my legs and upper thighs and my tits are so saggy that as I sat and waited for the cream to work my nipple sagged down and got burned on the evil hair melting cream….thanks dear daughter!!!! I hasten to add that I actually leaned down to drink tea- that’s why my nipples reached my thighs as I sat there. (bitch)

Anyway back to the shopping expedition, husband said his goodbye’s and headed off in opposite direction. I went into big clothes store and was constantly stunned by the amount of men who wandered around with their wives/partners and I heard the men say things like
Man-“Yes that’s a nice colour, you have sandals that colour and that wee top you got last week would match that”
Woman-“Yes, do you like it in brown or green?”
Man-“I think green; you have a green bag that would match”
I was fucking annoyed, if I asked my husband “Do you like this?” he would smirk and just look at me as if I had said “Do you fancy cutting off your cock and maybe I will teach you how to run in stilettos?”
Not that he thinks picking clothes with me is a “Gay” thing, not at all, he is very much upfront about equality for gays and has protested on their behalf!
He just thinks that ‘Picking clothes with a woman’ is clearly a skill he will never obtain; he has been burned badly before early on in this relationship, way back when!
Much to my annoyance, there was FUCKING LOADS of men walking about, picking and commenting on the fashions with women, they cant all BE GAY….I was quite fucked off and told husband this when we met up and he laughed aloud and said “ I don’t care, I am not ever going to show interest in clothes, except the amount you spend, that is a great interest to me, do you want to discuss that?”
Me-“No, did you see any good digital cameras?”
He then spoke for an hour on cameras and my expensive shopping habit has been evaded….for today.

1 comment:

EsotericWombat said...

It is genetically impossible to have opinions about women's summer clothes and a Y chromosome. Women need to figure out which they think is more important. Everyone else was faking it, I assure you. Either that or the entire male gender evolved the other night and left myseld and your husband behind. That would make me sad.

I rather like the blog you have here. As it happens I'm pursuing playwriting myself. It just seems to have gotten an annoyingly long head start on me.