harrogate and sexy words

Sorry i have been quiet for two days, but i was engrossed in a good book! hahaha am joking I cant really read my own book, it feels too odd.

Flew to Leeds/Bradford yesterday and the plane was one of those wee 'focker' types. I love a plane that sounds like a swear word. I kept banging my head on the overhead bit as I am really small and not used to having to duck into things and under objects!

Horrgate is truly beautiful and the gig was great 1000+ women all there to enjoy the entertainment for their Midwives conference dinner. They asked me did I want to give people a two minute warning incase I offended anyone!

I said "Fuck off I dont offend people!"

No I didn't i said "No, if you think I am offensive you should not have hired me"

I got up and faced 1000 midwives and said " I was told you ladies who everyday watch other women scream in childbirth are not used to strong language, so i am going to say the worst word -the word i know will make you scream- (I look at the organiser and he put his head down, the crowd sat quietly) I am going to say- OBSTETRICIAN"

The crowd cheered -1000 voices screamed with laughter, tables were being banged, feet stamped as they jumped to their feet and applauded!

You see midwives hate Obstetrician's more than the Tory party hates Asylum seekers!

The gig was sweet, it annoys me how people assume that I swear and am offensive even when asked not to be!

Reminded me of how OFCOM publicly accused me of saying 'cunt' live on TV when in actual fact it wasn't me, the good news is-I have a Government document to prove I never said it after i got my lawyers onto them.

I got up this morning in Harrogate and tried to find an internet shop. It was very very difficult.

me to wee post man in street-"Excuse me do you know if there is an internet shop in Harrogate?"

postman-"Where? here in Harrogate?"

me-"No Yugoslavia- YES here in Harrogate why would I want to ask you if there was internet in another city?"

postman-"No we dont have no internet here"

me-"Ok"

Finally a wee big issue seller told me to go to the library.

So I come in and tried to open my Wan