Friday, December 28, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 128



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 128 of Janey Godley's podcast, in this end of year edition the mother and daughter comedy duo give us a rundown of 2012. The Olympics, the Jubilee, the big news stories and enduring memories get aired, and Ashley tells the full on true story of her favourite school trip to Greece when she was 18 years old.

 

Janey gives us a short review of the latest movies released and Ashley tells us her 2012 TV highlights. Janey's gas & wind seems to be a domestic problem, Ashley pleads for medical help.

.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 128

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 


 

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 


 

 

Monday, December 24, 2012

The Woman on the Street

It was Christmas 1974 and Shettleston was knee deep in thick hard snow. The cold seeped in through the badly designed council window frames and the coal strikes coupled with the 3 day week, made us all feel what Russia must be like. We were hungry and freezing.

 

My mum and dad had just split up and it was rough going, the bedroom was chittering cold and my mum was deeply depressed, swaying between bitter rages and horrible weeping. I was 13 years old and didn't know how to cope. My big brother was worried as well, but at a loss as what to do, we were just kids.

 

I provided lots of hot mugs of tea as she sang Patsy Cline in an angry spitting voice. Passive/aggressive singing is something all the women in her circle were very good at, you haven't experienced rage till you have heard a Carpenters song screamed into your face at full beer breathe volume.

 

Mum was busy shouting at the Morecambe and Wise Christmas special "Stupid English bastards dancing with that poof Nureyev, this isn't even funny" proving she could be racist and homophobic it one sentence.

 

"Janey, black up and climb over the school yard wall and steal some coal, that bastard Janitor sells it, we may as well steal it, am freezing" she said. So I did. I put my hand up the chimney, blackened my face....did an Al Jolson song (it was the 70s my mammy needed a laugh) and went off stealing a bag of coal from the stockpile in the school yard down the road.

 

 I felt like the man from the Black Magic chocolate advert, all black and climbing over walls and being creepy.

 

I was headed home when I saw a woman sitting on the snow in the street. It was disconcerting, what was she doing? Did she fall? I got closer, put down my bag, pulled off my woollen hat and offered her my hand.

 

"Excuse me, you ok?" I said and she looked up at me and of course what she saw a small child with a blackened face and ragged clothes, carrying a sack of coal.

 

"ARRGGHHHH" she screamed and got up, drunkenly falling about and ran through the snow screaming "It's a wee black ghost, a wee dark ghost, it a wee black dead wean"

 

I just stood there and watched her stagger about running...she fell over and panicked, screaming, clawing at the snow and finally she got up and wobbled off. I waited ages watching her making her way up the street, people were staring at her.

 

Finally, I picked up my coal bag & I headed off home. We had soup for Christmas dinner and at least we would now have a fire and if my dad popped by with some cash (which I knew he would) we could have a good Boxing Day supper and maybe mammy would sing a song without the tears getting in the way.

 

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.
 

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 127



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 127 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo let rip about the Westboro Baptist Church, Sandy Hook shootings and chemical castration.

 

There are very divided views this week, Ashley gives us some interesting Christmas stories and Janey sings badly. According to the Mayan's it's the end of the world, so the duo give you their plans for the end of days.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 127

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 


 

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 

 

 

 

 

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Seasonal Greetings


HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY, FESTIVE SEASON


OR


CHRISTMAS, HANUKA, KWANZAA, HOBBITTONHOLIDAY, SATURNALIA.


Whatever you celebrate that floats your seasonal boat have a good one.


Oh and Batamology forgot about that one


 

From Janey Godley, Ashley Storrie & Our Web Team.

 


 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 126



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 126 of Janey Godley's podcast, Janey is in London with her pal Monica. They chew the fat about sexuality, life, hopes and dreams. Monica tells us about her favourite holiday, the best and worst food she has ever eaten and what she would tell her 16yr old self.

 

Janey gives us a quick round up of this week's news, some debates about cougars and they women chat earnestly about vulnerability in teenage years. 

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 126

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 


 

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Thursday, December 06, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 125



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 125 Of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo discuss Duchess Kate's pregnancy illness, the Australian crank call and a strange story from Edgar Allen Poe.

 

Janey talks about their latest Brad Pitt parody comedy video and they both talk about Harry Styles and how he has a vagina in Ashley's dreams. Ashley gives us the update on her recent burn injury and Janey tells a story about food poisoning and peacocks.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 125

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 


 

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 

 

 

 

Monday, December 03, 2012

It Happened To Me


"Let's go camping" my husband said. I didn't want to go, we bought the tent as I had been performing at Glastonbury and living in a cramped nylon box taught me this 'I don't like camping' So we compromised and we went camping.

 

Husband loves going up the highlands and I like it was well, especially when the sun shines and the tiny mosquitoes die and the wasps don't come near. But those are rare days. So we landed at this campsite near a loch. It had a small aviary, some boats and a shop that sold tablet (a Scottish sweet candy) so what's not to love?

 

That night after we got the cramped nylon box erected, husband and I went a walk into the nearest village and got some fish and chips. We walked back beneath the twinkling stars as the loch lapped against the rocks and we snuggled down to sleep.

 

At about 5am I woke up soaked in sweat with deep advanced labour pains in my bowel, which is odd as I wasn't pregnant.

 

I knew what was about to happen, and I needed to get to toilet to let it happen. I had food poisoning and the fitful sweat soaked scramble from the tent was horrendous. I was wearing only a tee shirt and knickers, I didn't care who spotted me. I needed- really needed to get to the toilet block (anything described as 'block' isn't going to be welcoming).

 

As I emerged from the tent, the sweat running between my shoulder blades and the dawn chill throwing a patina of damp chill on top of it made me moan aloud. I couldn't find my shoes, so my sticky bare feet were thrust into my husband giant sneakers. I looked like a half naked sweaty clown running towards the toilets.

 

I ran across grass, stopped clutched my stomach as my bowels spasmed. I was sure I was about to evacuate right there on the grass, I sweated more, my vision swam and I ran with the clown shoes and made it to the white brick building. Out of the side of my eye, I saw a big bird....a swan...or something...but ignored whatever it was and focussed on getting into the cubicle. I was about explode.

 

My feet skittered across the damp tiles and I made it into the wee door, I kicked it open like a drug bust, got my knickers down and basically my entire skeleton came out of my bum, I sweated more and thought I was going to faint. The pain in my lower bowl reminded me of last stages of delivering a baby.

 

As I sat there exhausted and shivering, I heard a tiny tip tap on the tile floor. I couldn't make out what it was, I honestly didn't care, I was too busy trying not to faint.

 

The tip tapping got closer and there in front of my wide open toilet door was a huge colourful bird...like a big turkey or something.

 

It stared at me then made a noise and a HUGE fan of colour burst from its ass like an umbrella or giant fan being unfurled and the magnificent feathers full of amazing deep greens, blues and displaying an iridescent sheen that was startling. I sat there with giant shoes hanging off my feet, my knickers at my ankles, my tee shirt stuck to my back with shivering sweat as a beautiful peacock showed me it's full glory in a public toilet at 5am in the morning. 

 

I thought I was hallucinating until another peacock came in, pushed that peacock out the way and stared at me, and flung open its big ass fan of colour!

 

Finally, I managed to retain some body fluids, I got up shooed away the peacocks, washed my face and hands in the freezing cold toilet and clown walked my way back to the tent. The two peacocks followed me and strutted behind me like two old Victorian ladies shaking fans. Husband stuck his head out of the tent and saw me walk towards him half naked with my two new pals either side of me.

 

"Why do you have peacocks with you?" he asked.

 

"I had a really bad bout of food poisoning and they came in to keep me company" I replied.

 

The sun started to slash the sky and I huddled back into the tent, kicked off the giant shoes and snuggled under the sleeping bag. Through the tent I could see the silhouette of the peacocks as the stood guard outside.

 

I love camping now.

 

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

 

 

 

 

 

Friday, November 30, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 124



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 124 of Janey Godley's Podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss Ashley's latest first degree burn accident on her tenders. Janey lets rip on the most annoying comedy hack lines from comics.

 

Ashley speaks about the suicidal effects of acne medication and the personality changes that can be incurred. Janey exposes herself as an 'interferer of public business' yet revels in the role. Ashley and Janey do a special cat message for all the cats that listen in.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 124

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 

Here’s a link to the Literal Meatloaf video!

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Love and Lost Passport

You know that deep happy love feeling when you wake up and think your stomach will explode with excitement and you want to tell this person you love absolutely every thought, fear or desire but think it's best not to, because when the love fades and the shit hits the fan they might use it against you in a future argument?

 

That's not love, that's endorphins & a hormone cocktail making you insane and the very same chemicals that produce that feeling are an identical mix to that which make people angry and confused enough to pick up a samurai sword and attack people near a busy flower stall, because God told them to.

 

The reason I bring up hormones and love is, am sure am about to batter full force into my menopause and instead of getting the usual symptoms hot flushes and dried up womb/vagina (none of which has happened) I am pretty busy fucking up my life and just losing stuff (like my passport) and getting giddy about love.

 

If my menopause was an interpretive dance movement it would resemble 'trees swaying in the wind, whilst screaming and searching bags frantically as people scattered in different directions then very hard hugging that scares the frail and small animals in my life".

 

Don't expect to see it at the National Theatre is all am saying.

 

All of this has somewhat disconcerted my husband who is used to my brand of 'love' which is basically me trying to be nice and with moments of touching affection. Now he gets undying declarations and long winded stories about all my hopes and dreams and he stares at me with the hollowed eyes of a man who has been in this relationship since he was 16yrs old and utters "we are not getting the bathroom tiled" or "please don't tell me anymore am bored with your mouth moving fast and your hair is bushy did you know that?" He has Aspergers syndrome which makes flowing conversation with perfect segues something that only happens in an episode of 'Friends'.

 

I have also taken to suddenly gripping him tightly in the night making him scream as he thinks the house might be on fire or a hostage situation is in play. Normally I don't like being touched when am sleeping, now I wake up and have an urge to cuddle hard. And I mean cuddle. Husband is worried sick. We have a language that no longer needs proper constructed words, we say sentences to each other that if in public sound innocuous but to the long married trained ear, you will not the coded passive/aggressive hatred and barbed verbal stabbing. That's love isn't it? That we bothered to understand each other's codes and underlying hatred we share?

 

So the losing stuff is getting worse, recently when I was in Canada I managed to drop my passport out of my bag on the very last weekend of the 5 week tour. I was in St John's Newfoundland and it was a bank holiday weekend.

 

On the Thursday after flying from Toronto on Porter Airlines (which are amazing) I managed to let my passport fall out of my bag onto aeroplane floor. I was so flooded by hormones and needing a hug that I never checked my bag. So by time I got into St John's I was hysterical.

 

The manager of the Yuk Yuk's comedy club must have been so happy so deal with a slightly smelly, screamy, tufty haired emotional woman who can yell "I have lost my passport" constantly. Then I went onstage and did an hour show, every night for three nights ..not once did I let it upset me but inside my thoughts were interspersed with "I have lost my passport" it made me sweat funny. Yuk Yuks were so helpful they gave me a landline and an office and the time to call all necessary people as there is no reason that the officials from the British Consulate didn't get to hear me scream "I have lost my passport" and hear a woman who I swear to god was Mary Poppins answer me back "press one if you have lost your passport". I pressed 'one' quite a lot.

 

One of the women in the club looked me right in the eye and said "have you ever lost a breast to cancer? No? then chill the fuck out its just admin"

 

She clearly hadn't been suffering from an emotional pre menopause had she? And her brand of reality bites just made me weepy and needing hard hugs...she wasn't helping is all am saying.

 

The Yuk Yuk's comedy club in Newfoundland is absolutely stunning, it has a natural slate wall as a back drop and as I stood onstage saying funny words but in my head I was screaming "I have lost my passport" and I leaned against the wall and for some reason I cannot explain, I wiggled a finger in between the bricks and got my finger stuck. I had the option of doing a whole hour as I stood in the one spot with my finger stuck, or stand forward and show the 200 odd people exactly what I was doing as I was supposed to be entertaining them.

 

I showed them "I have stuck my finger in the wall, please tell me that Holland isn't behind that wall and when I pull my finger out I flood a nation?"

 

They laughed and I got my finger free.

 

Good news is- Porter airlines found my passport and all the screaming and sweating was for nothing. So now that drama was over I went onto lose house keys, my oyster card and a curly headed toddler called Bernard, (not a good name for a consummate floor licker).

 

Ok calm down the toddler was found quickly. It ran away from me in a shopping mall in London, he wanted his mum, who had asked me to keep an eye on him for a few minutes so she could go to the loo. I would have chased him, but he wasn't mine and I didn't know her well enough to worry about a missing screamer called Bernard. And I was slightly emotional and needed a hard hug.

 

It all worked out in the end.

 
 
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 123

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)
 

In episode 123 of Janey Godley's podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo get into the Israeli conflict, mothering skills and discuss absurd music videos.

 

Ashley and Janey both have injuries and explain all during the broadcast. Ashley sings a Bozy2Men song and Janey explains the lyrics. There is a funny tale about the flu, a bad journey and wee story about Major the dog.

 

To vote for the podcast do so at the village voice internet awards page here, enter your email address at the top (No 01) and just go to the podcast section (No 35) and write Janey Godley’s Podcast!

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.



Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 123
 
 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 

Here’s a link to the Literal Meatloaf video!

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.