tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-97409762024-03-08T02:18:57.639+00:00Janey Godley's BlogAward-winning online Blog, running since 2004,Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.comBlogger1216125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-34737317176537667802016-03-13T00:45:00.000+00:002016-03-13T00:47:27.135+00:00Things change after 50 <span lang="EN-GB" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-size: 22pt; line-height: 107%;">People talking shit to you- </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">you worked
the whole of the 80s in crap jobs where men back then were allowed to feel your
tits and speak down to you. Now, when twonks chat shit at you, it’s easy to walk
away mid chat. Fuck that shit, you never have to listen to that again. You
served your time paying attention to people who are oxygen thieves.</span><br />
<article class="u-sizeViewHeightMin100 postArticle postArticle--full" lang="en" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, 'Segoe UI', Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', sans-serif; font-size: 18px; line-height: 25.2px; min-height: 100vh !important; overflow: hidden; position: relative; transform: translateZ(0px);"><main class="postArticle-content js-postField js-notesSource" role="main" style="margin-bottom: 0px; outline: 0px; position: relative; word-break: break-word; word-wrap: break-word;"><section class=" section--body section--first section--last" name="397d" style="clear: both; margin-top: 20px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 22.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Men being handsy- </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">yet again the
whole of the late 70s and 80s you worked in factories, shops and pubs where men
openly felt your boobs, tried to finger you when you changed a beer barrel and
fuckwits regularly explained how you can’t rape a woman who isn’t a virgin or
wears too much make up. Now when some bloke on the bus or tube puts his hand
near you FUCK THAT you stab it with a nail file or shout like fuck into his
face in public. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Fashion Mags telling you what to wear- </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">are
you fucking kidding me? We did the perms, the pink crimping, the peplum waist,
the baggy dungarees, the neon leg warmers, the flat court shoes, the Lady Diana
hair flick, the stiletto and miniskirts NOW we wear the flying fuck what we
want. We will wear jeans and a jumper any time. Until men win as many Oscars as
the costume designer who turned up at award ceremony’s giving not one fuck then
she will be my spirit animal forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">People on social media telling us what to do </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">get
fucked. You don’t like my comedy? My Writing? My body shape? My photo’s? Here’s
what we will do…you get fucked. I had men tell me what to do my entire life and
women judge my choices. This is my life now go stand in a corner and get
yourself to fuck. I will be the one over there laughing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">Men telling me am old and ugly </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">here’s
the thing- are you stunningly perfect and beautiful? No…well listen up
Quasimodo if you look like you swam up from Sellafield or are fat and bloaty
that’s fine. Just don’t fucking dare comment on my body you clackwanker.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">People being appalled at my sex life </span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">am
sorry was I supposed to apologise for having a clitoris that worked? Did you
really believe women over 45 don’t like sex or have never watched porn. Are you
stunned that I like sex well listen up spunky, see when you were ten and
wondering if you could see a mermaid’s vagina, I was getting laid. See last
week when you were wondering if a woman would look at your cock? I was getting
laid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 20.0pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;">I am 55 years old, I have buried three family members,
paid off my mortgage, jailed a sex offender, been put in prison for possessing guns
that weren’t mine, been married since I my first period, raised a daughter who
is also a comedian, ran a bar for 15 years, been self-employed since I was 18,
wrote a bestselling book, wrote and starred in a play that went to New York,
wrote 15 one women shows and watched my murdered mother lie in a coffin…now
what is it you want to tell me about how I should be living my life? Now fuck
off.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-48024339699425743832016-03-06T12:06:00.003+00:002016-03-06T12:06:46.236+00:00Mother's Day<div class="graf--p graf-after--figure" id="f002" name="f002" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 38px;">
Mother’s day 1982 was the last time I saw my mum alive.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrzD4PIP2mGT2JFyENLyMHNrniq9gdrj5NFMoqhzD9FjSdQeR9R2G5thKc-46EU3ztMSoxyqRjiwaMCjWAXjA3KY6ek2YdByGpEPRIsLQRpX2dOUbMUBxc5wPaW7L-ssoqrNp/s1600/me+and+mammy2015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="264" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIrzD4PIP2mGT2JFyENLyMHNrniq9gdrj5NFMoqhzD9FjSdQeR9R2G5thKc-46EU3ztMSoxyqRjiwaMCjWAXjA3KY6ek2YdByGpEPRIsLQRpX2dOUbMUBxc5wPaW7L-ssoqrNp/s320/me+and+mammy2015.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="1b25" name="1b25" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
Back in 1982 when my mum went missing, the local Shettleston cops treated her as a wee drunk poor woman who they couldn’t be bothered wasting resources on. When she was found floating down the River Clyde they didn’t even bother to question her abusive boyfriend Peter who that day had stabbed my brother — as he was persistently asking Peter about his missing mother.</div>
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The cops just shrugged their shoulders and moved on. She was a wee poor insignificant woman who authorities never gave a fuck about.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="98fb" name="98fb" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
Peter had served time for trying to kill women in the 70s but still the cops never asked why he was last seen at the river with my mum.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="fd64" name="fd64" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
Peter told the cops mum fell in and legally he didn’t need to report this happening. Five days she was gone before the river gave up her battered body. Peter walked free to kill again.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="4751" name="4751" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
Your social economic status should not be measured in how much the police care — remember my mum’s case was just two years after the famous attack on Glasgow woman Carol X who was gang raped and slashed to bits. Despite Carol X naming and picking out her attackers the cops refused to charge them and Carol’s private prosecution was one of only two to succeed in Scotland in the 20th century. The other involved a fraud case in 1909. She successfully jailed her rapists with the help of Lawyers who took her case on free of charge. It shocked a nation how a wee woman was treated.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="05d7" name="05d7" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
Glasgow police had a history of ignoring the plight of female victims of violence.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="008a" name="008a" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
I hope things have changed. It is too late for my mum but It’s not too late for women today and with organisations like Scottish Women’s Aid hopefully that attitude will be a thing of the past.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="4f9a" name="4f9a" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
I wrote this for my mammy-</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="caf0" name="caf0" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
She had dark thick hair and quick hazel eyes; she could smile and shout at the same time.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="5d98" name="5d98" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
With a chubby finger I would trace the lines around her eyes and make up stories about the moles on her chin.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p" id="88eb" name="88eb" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
She would sit with me and stare into my face. “What do you see Janey?” she asked me once.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote graf-after--p" id="c0b0" name="c0b0" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px; text-indent: -0.4em;">
“I see you, mammy, you have brown dots on your eye,” I whispered back.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf--startsWithDoubleQuote graf-after--p" id="ca7c" name="ca7c" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px; text-indent: -0.4em;">
“They are the stains of the past,” she told me as she cupped my face close.</div>
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The stains of her past could have been cleansed, I could have washed them with her in our old age — but she went away and died too young, I was too young, I miss telling stories about her face.</div>
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I am a mum, I trace the shape of my daughter’s face with my wrinkled fingers and I get to tell her wondrous stories about the moles on her chin; she has brown dots on her eyes, they aren’t blemishes though.</div>
<div class="graf--p graf-after--p graf--last" id="0958" name="0958" style="background-color: white; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-serif-font, Georgia, Cambria, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 21px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 1.58; margin-top: 29px;">
They are stars passed down by a woman who mistook them for stains.</div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-31566944980306995362015-12-08T17:29:00.001+00:002015-12-08T17:29:56.968+00:00My Life With A Man Who Has Aspergers (Updated from 2013)<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Had two sleepless night due to my husband being awake turning the house upside down, clearing out stuff, it's driving me mad. I wrote about him annoying me and got some stick from people, saying I should be more understanding. Well read this thing i wrote in 2013.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">"Who washed the dishes?" my husband asked last week.</span><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I put up my hand and said wearily "I did, what did I do wrong?" he sighed, rolled his eyes and brought me through by the hand to show me that I had stacked the plates facing the right instead of his preferred left. I promptly fixed them as he stared at them closely to check they were done right. He gave me a lecture that I was putting 'the plates wrong, they could fall and break and the knives and forks need to be facing down" He still reminds me of this daily.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">No, am not married to the bloke from Sleeping With The Enemy, though I do say that onstage. I am married to a man who has Aspergers and now has been recently told he may have low spectrum Autism.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I watched him as he stood in the kitchen with me, 33 years of marriage down the line, I recall the sixteen year old boy who put a diamond ring on my finger one month and pretty soon after that, he tried to commit suicide as he 'felt out of his skin'. Not something the doctors of Glasgow Royal Infirmary understood in 1980. Not something his hard -nosed gangster father who had six other sons could make sense of either -which is understandable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I try hard not to think of the sleepless nights of the 80s where he ranted, raved and would develop violent rages that left me exhausted and terrified. I try hard to recall the young man who tenderly held his baby daughter moments after she was born and asked a bewildered midwife if he could 'now take the baby home and I could follow when am ready' (he was convinced Ashley would hate the feel of the hospital sheets).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">The memories of the social awkwardness when he would ask the strangest questions of people like "Do you like boiled beef?" in the middle of a normal business conversation as that thought had just popped into his head, still make me shudder. Or the times when he would deliver a monologue on his favourite Roman Emperors as I am trying to tell him I have a lump in my breast. And then me laughing as he gave me space to explain the breast lump and the minute my mouth shut he explained Claudius in depth and ignored my concern, still make me giggle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 16.9px; margin: 0px 0px 0.75em;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Loud sudden noises, velvet, courgettes, aubergines, lemon flavoured cakes, people being factually incorrect, Princess Diana, public displays of grief for celebrities, reality shows about talentless people, people who don't pick up litter, pets in small apartments, large cutlery, square plates, comedy oversized glasses, clowns, Michael Jackson, speaking to people, comedy where people have to join in and clap or stand up etc, people who cycle through traffic lights, audio libraries that release part 5 of a series of ten and not the previous four books are just some of the THINGS he HATES.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Black pens, lists, opera, poetry, buying five pairs of his favourite shoes, Roman history, audio books, history books, collections of elastic bands, soft fabrics, warm coffee cakes, mint tea, babies, doing anything with numbers, driving, photography, small cutlery, china cups- are just some of the things he loves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">His Aspergers can control his basic emotions, for example when my beloved step mum was dying in a hospital bed, he sat with her for hours and when she finally passed he was distraught as he couldn't feel the same sadness as everyone. We were deep in grief and he announced to the gathered family "I dont feel anything, what is wrong with me?" I ushered him away from the sad group to explain "that's not nice to say to people who do feel stricken" he nodded and walked away bewildered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">His need to walk to the right shop and buy the milk that is cheapest, the exhausting way he associates words I am saying into the line of a song he remembers, his compelling drive to wake up and move everything about in the cupboards as it has 'been bothering him all night' can be so frustrating to live with.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Imagine living with a man who had done so many hurtful things that are seared into your memory, yet you can't recriminate as the majority of them are due to a syndrome he lives with? There is no marriage guidance for a man who doesn't understand what he did wrong and his only answer is "leave me then, am damaged".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">This is the man in 1996, who demanded we all sit in a darkened hotel room at Disney Land Orlando and not turn the TV on as he wanted to sleep and me and his ten year old daughter weren't to move. I can still recall the tantrum he took when we walked into the sunshine and left him behind. I still recall the tears of confusion as he tried to explain why he behaved like that when we returned. Our daughter will have her own tale to tell and I can't speak for her here. She loves her dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I love this man and yet when I see other women sit round dinner tables at events I attend to do comedy or go to a night out, I feel a deep pang of jealousy. My husband will never dress in a dinner suit and pour me wine and chat idly to the guy on his left, neither did he see me collect any of the comedy awards that I won, as he can't cope with those events.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">He sat in the car near a beach in Troon on the day his daughter graduated university as he was worried he would embarrass her in front of her peers. He listened to his favourite Roman book as she walked off the stage. I watched other proud parents hug each other and I felt alone, yet relieved he wasn't in a situation that would stress him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">My husband in his younger days was very sociable, he ran a bar and used to regularly take customers on European bus runs and host events in the pub. Having spoken to his psychologist it turns out he was 'role playing' the part. Is he 'role playing' being my husband? Is he 'pretending' to be a father?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I don't believe he is. I believe that his role playing was his 'coping mechanism'.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">He faked to the world that he was regular member of society and inside waited for the world to catch him being the fake he always felt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">It is no surprise his mental health suffered, and explains his few suicide attempts and his struggle to make sense of a world where he doesn't feel he can fit in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">The upside's are he is completely accepting of every race, creed, colour and sexuality. He doesn't think lateral he thinks literal, and doesn't understand why anyone would discriminate against people for no good reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">He was a feminist back in the early 80s when men in the East End of Glasgow were worse than radio sport commentators of today. He takes people as he finds them and doesn't have a single Daily Mail bone in his body, as that attitude doesn't make any sense to him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">He is also great when I need someone to run my comedy past, as he can immediately tell me if he doesn't understand the joke or what am trying to say, and makes me reword stories so they make more sense.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">When asked to describe his Aspergers he said "Every day I fight with emotions and feelings I can't control, I suppose it's like being homosexual and trying to pretend am straight to the world, or I feel like my skin doesn't feel right and my brain wants to take me into a place I can't get out of. Sometimes there are so many things to cover up in one day, my dyslexia, my depression, my inability to make eye contact, my disdain of other people, my obvious disinterest when someone talks to me and I don't want them near me anymore...it's hard to hide all that inside....and the knowledge of all the things I did to you".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">He just sounds like a grumpy old man, but he isn't he can be hilarious and loves that I joke about his syndrome on stage. He can be funny with people he trusts and they are very few, he can be a constant font of information as he retains screeds of facts and figures. His advice on relationships to my girlfriends is utterly genius "he doesn't call you because he doesn't like you enough, get over him now and find a man that isn't indifferent to your needs". (they prefer his advice over mine every time).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">The array of nieces and nephews love their uncle and as they got older understood he was 'a bit different' but always found him loving and helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Last year we had booked a Disney on Ice for our wee niece Abigail, I got ill and couldn't take her. Husband stepped in and sat through a giant arena of screaming kids and Disney caterwauling. She was over the moon and explained later "Uncle loved it and sung along with every song" he told us later it was utter hell, the seats were velvet and he faked the whole evening to keep her happy. That's one of the many reasons I love him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">Our daughter is very proud of her dad and her mates come to him for support and advice and even stay over when we are both out of the country on tour, as they enjoy his company and like to hang out with him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">If you are ever in need of someone to face a dilemma with my husband is the most practical, helpful and rational person you could find. He cuts through all emotion and sorts the problems.</span><br /><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">When asked what he is happiest about, he often says "that my daughter can read, write and is educated"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 21.4667px;">I once asked him if he was relieved that Ashley doesn't have Aspergers and he replied "That's a stupid thing to say, she doesn't have it, why would you ask that stupid question, as if you would consider your kid being any other way than the way she is" and that is a brilliant Aspergers answer. </span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-31988997136681310972015-11-30T13:53:00.001+00:002015-11-30T13:53:15.873+00:00Janey Godley live Newcastle women and Syria<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/CfwZ11U9IUU" width="480"></iframe><div class="blogger-post-footer"><!-- Start TexasBlogs Code -->
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-71776705566737632522015-11-24T18:40:00.002+00:002015-11-24T18:47:56.036+00:00MY VERSION OF BRIEF ENCOUNTER<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Watched 'Brief Encounter', that old Lovely Black and white film by
David Lean and written by Noel Coward.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Starring Celia Johnston and Trevor Howard.</span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">It really is a fantastic film and so well shot.</span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Although I cannot stop laughing at the whole thing, poor Celia
plays a well kept middle class woman who lives in Bromley (Somewhere like
that), her husband is a banker who wears a full three-piece suit at home (including
waistcoat) and looks around 67 although he is probably only 26! </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He likes to
stand near the open fire dressed in an axminster suit sweating buckets and puffing
on a pipe.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They have two kids, a boy and a girl, both have cut glass English accents
that I swear to God -Prince Charles would have struggled to maintain, I have
never heard such upper class pronunciation!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Celia also has a cook and house keeper. It seems her only duty is
to go shopping for some vegetables and wander round Boots in a tight
constricted wool coat with big buttons. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Sweating lots is a feature in this
family.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Can she do this locally? </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">NO fucking chance she has to get a train
into the nearest town.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">In the station there is a proper tea room with a slovenly older woman who flirts with that bloke who played the working class dad in My Fair Lady...him that sang "I'm getting married in the morning" there is a coal fire (there is an open fire in almost every scene).</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> The very common people in the train tea room are the only believable characters in the film.</span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This woman takes a train and picks up some shopping, a few books
from 'Boots'?? Then she goes to the 'pictures'. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">The 'pictures' being the
movies...this lazy bastard picks carrots, books and a movie...then stares at
some local statues round town, then wanders home to eat the cook’s dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyway one day it all goes very different.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She meets a doctor by chance at the well frequented train station and
gets his attention as she gets a 'bit of dust in her eye'. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He pokes the corner
of a hankie into her eyeball....all being a metaphor for his cock and they are
suddenly .....staring at each other.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Before long they are meeting up every week as she goes shopping
and then off to the 'pictures' with her new friend.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have never seen so many smokers in my life as in that picture
house, (Jesus the smoke is so thick I am surprised that people can see the
screen). It was like a smoking competition.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">They start to get excited about meeting up despite both of them
being married; Trevor explains that his wife is very small, dark and very
frail.</span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Which suggests he cannot have sex with her in case she breaks, but he
never explains her illness, which is weird as he is a doctor. He could have told us the secretive bastard.</span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This is in the social era when if a woman 'looked' at another man
in any sexual way she gets sent to a mental health sanctuary to get 'electric
shock treatment ' Yet despite the social taboos they continue to keep each
other company.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They meet up and they go into the country for a walk, have a wee
boat ride, in which he falls into the water-then they both go to the boatyard
to dry off and of course MAKE TEA (as if to go a whole day without tea would
have been insufferable). </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">She dries his sodden smelly socks over the hot stove (yet another coal fire) in the boat
house as the poor boat house attendant sits in a bad mood as posh people have
hogged his heat. </span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They fall in love over the steam of wet woollen socks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">He tells her that their affair has driven him to leave England and
live abroad as they can never be together. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">He suggests going to his friend's
apartment for some quiet time and a last goodbye-(yeah right mate!) and leaves
her to think about it when she refuses to come along. Celia strolls around the
station debating whether or not to go with Trevor; it was a big dilemma for
her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her head was saying “Go home bake cakes"<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">But her pussy was shouting “Eat Me!!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Eventually she ends up in the flat (which was very swish and
YUPPIE-ish for mid- 1940's) and sitting there with her doctor friend, the
sexual tension was palpable...Just when you think they may actually touch
knees- they are interrupted by the doc's mate (Who incidentally is the gayest
man I have EVER seen in my life). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Celia flees the apartment by the back door in a running hysteria (how
awful when one has to leave by the service entrance) and goes running through
the streets hysterical, dishevelled and ends up sitting in the park smoking and
crying pulling Kirby grips from her hair (this appears to be such unruly
behaviour in Bromley that even a policeman stops to comment and check on her!)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She eventually phones her husband at home and lies easily about
being out so late without an escort, (She should have fucked her doctor, she
was a competent liar and could have carried it off). <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She then walks to the railway station soaking wet and sad and
meets Trevor in the tea room (he had been looking for her all over the statues
and benches of Bromley frantically) and now is saying his final goodbye as he
is going to emigrate to South Africa (Hopefully not to buy a farm coz that will
surely end in tears, posh English farmers don’t fit in well, especially with a
weak sick wife).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They are interrupted by a 'beastly but kindly? Woman friend (who
talked too much-that would be my role in that movie!) </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Therefore, they don’t get
to say goodbye properly! (they drink four cups of tea; I am convinced it's all
the fucking caffeine that's making them so highly strung).<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Trevor simply squeezes her shoulder as he leaves the tea room to
catch his train home to his frail skinny wife with a nameless wasting disease.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Celia gets so upset she dashes onto the platform. The express
train comes hurtling through and she contemplates suicide!<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><br /></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="apple-converted-space">But she can't do it as she is too posh and English
also she knows there are dishes to arrange for summer picnics and socks to mend
by a roaring fire.</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">(seriously lady -go home and touch yourself woman, get a grip)<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Finally she goes home to her husband who is still wearing a three
piece Wooster thick tweed suit sitting trying to do a crossword in a house with
a roaring coal fire...(fuck he must be sweating & dying to strip off and
sit in his vest like a Northern unemployed man that he has read about in the
newspaper).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Celia sits and darns socks as she looks kindly at her fat woolly
husband and thinks to herself...."I am just an ordinary housewife in an
ordinary house...how did this happen to me?".<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I will tell you why, you fancied another man, the thought of
sleeping in twin satin covered beds with a man who is clad in wool and smokes a
pipe who cannot fucking finish a cross word without interrupting your private
thoughts was KILLING you. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span>
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">You wanted a blonde skinny dashing doctor who loves
the movies, smokes fags and seems to work a three day week for the NHS and had
time to hang out on boating lakes, and took you for champagne lunches, he even
had a fancy Pied- a -Terre and a snappy gay friend....it's OK to admit it!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span>
</span><br />
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>I think I will watch "To kill a Mocking bird " next and
give my version of that?</b></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="twocolfixlthdr">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-15353567444309830452015-10-10T23:37:00.001+00:002015-10-10T23:56:25.245+00:00I still have a daddy<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">There can’t be many milestones in life other than getting
married, having a baby and putting your dad into an old folk’s home. </span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBJmwZXFiDmDutVjD-xjkvTkFxzKpyM6VoiRpbZYBLwYPXWR04celctiIB_1o5BGozMAOfyydehoFPa5OeKgzsVE5DnllEioSY6kzeDriwwOpWyZUyXcatlqD_vHwm9LW87CwV/s1600/janey+and+dad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBJmwZXFiDmDutVjD-xjkvTkFxzKpyM6VoiRpbZYBLwYPXWR04celctiIB_1o5BGozMAOfyydehoFPa5OeKgzsVE5DnllEioSY6kzeDriwwOpWyZUyXcatlqD_vHwm9LW87CwV/s320/janey+and+dad.jpg" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have now done all three. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The first two were easier than the last one.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">For those who follow me on facebook and twitter you will
already be aware of my dad’s slow slide into dementia. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dad has lived alone for seven years since my step mum
succumbed to cancer. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have heard him having a stroke whilst we were chatting on
the phone when I was in <st1:city w:st="on">Los Angeles</st1:city>
and managed to get him swift care. Since then the sly sneaking horrible bastard
that is dementia has been crawling around his brain looking for wee spaces to
hide in and reveal itself whilst he was at his most vulnerable. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Nothing is more soul wrenching than watching your dad feel
terrified that he is a factory and nobody will help him get out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We tried being with him everyday in his own home and the
social care from Glasgow NHS and <st1:city w:st="on">Glasgow</st1:city>
council has been utterly brilliant the NHS mental health people are fabulous.
Dad’s care worker Mark even counselled me when I sat in floods of tears outside
my venue at Edinburgh Fringe. Dad had a bad day and called me hysterical. Mark
called me and reassured me I was doing the best I can. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dad was escaping his house and upsetting the neighbours with
his constant vulnerability. My dad has great neighbours and they have all grown
up together so it was hard for them to see the wee proud private man look
confused outside their door.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I got emergency respite in a care home 66 steps from my
front door. I can see him 5 times a day or more if I please. He looks peaceful
and feels secure and now when he gets a dementia ‘attack’ the staff and I are
usually there to reassure him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Tonight I went to see him before I went onstage. He was
lying on his bed listening to his radio; he smiled when I came into his room. I
slipped my shoes off dropped off my jacket and climbed up beside him and he
shuffled over. He hugged me and we listened to Dr Hook and Eagles songs. I nearly feel asleep!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> “Janey you need to get
to work” he said. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He seems ok. I feel ok. I still have my daddy.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-13179692867438839262015-10-07T16:14:00.002+00:002015-10-07T16:14:59.141+00:00Dementia Sucks<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;">It’s 7am the phone rings. My husband
immediately sits up and answers the phone. He is quiet, I can hear my dad
shouting down the line and husband says “look, am on my way calm down”.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My husband has his clothes
and shoes on the floor, ready to run like a criminal on the lam. He is dressed
in seconds, his hair stands on end, he doesn’t brush his teeth and he belts out
the door. He is going to sit with my dad who is convinced that today he is in a
factory and is being held hostage. I have to get ready for a radio comedy show.
I can’t go with him; I have to be funny in a wee while.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My dad has dementia. The
smart wee <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Glasgow</st1:place></st1:city>
man who has blue twinkly eyes, who could build a radio from scratch when he was
eight years old, who raised four kids and built a skateboard for me in 1967, was
slowly having his memory and cognitive abilities eaten by a rabid shitty greedy
thing called dementia. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">The man who carried me over
puddles, who explained sea weed couldn’t eat me despite my big brothers telling
me it could, the man who tried to make sense of my mum being murdered in the early
80s and his second wife dying from cancer six years ago….this wee working class
man who achieved 34 years of sobriety was crumbling in front of me. My heart is
breaking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">It’s been two years of a
quick sand effect of watching him struggle with the world interspersed with him
locking eyes with me telling me how much he loves me and how proud he is of me.
I still climb halfway onto his knee and let him rest his soft warm palm on my
cheek as he sings “My wee Janey Paney” to me. He is still my dad.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Today we had to organise
emergency care respite as he has been wandering outside and making everyone
panic. Despite alarms and constant care attending, the minute he is alone he is
out that door. He will soon move to a full time care home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">My heart hurts. Go fuck
yourself dementia.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-67569038324343464322015-08-31T17:54:00.001+00:002015-08-31T18:01:47.442+00:00Edinburgh and THE FREE FESTIVAL <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I recall standing outside the Pleasance Dome flyering my
show a few years ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was exhausted and knew I had to fill a big room and faced
losing cash so I was anxious and desperate to make sure people came to see me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I
had rented a good flat and paid for amazing posters and had what I believed to
be a fabulous show.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then I spotted a couple of people who had seen me at a
showcase show and had taken my flyer after the gig as they liked my stuff. I
brightened up and as I approached them I watched a comedy promoter hand them
two free tickets to his latest newly signed act's show. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They took them. They were
FREE.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He had a HUGE wad of free tickets and was giving them to people
all around the Pleasance Dome. I lost the sale. I watched and my heart sank as
people didn't give a fuck how funny I had been at the 1pm showcase show. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They
had free tickets.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Free shows are part of the fringe and belong in the free
venues.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No doubt this year the BIG Four will release the BEST EVER
SALES AT THE FRINGE and sit back as they manipulate the figures and the PR will
spin it good. It was a fair year I think but it wasn't a bumper.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I know that the figures aren't always true, for ONE BIG SELL
OUT there are hundreds of smaller shows underwriting them in the big venues and
those comics were doing it on their own cash in the hope of a crowd. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They go home skint, owing money and artistically broken.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have no issue wth the big paid venues, I just see issues that the Free Festival can resolve.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">On the last weekend of the fringe I watched BIG NAMED ACTS
give away TWO for ONES on the last Thursday and Friday. That's not a great
financial sign and was I aggressively flyered for a comic whose face graces the
BILLBOARDS to buy tickets for his 'EXTRA SOLD OUT SHOW' which is a weird
oxymoron. It can't be sold out and still have tickets to sell. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">People were so
scared of losing face.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was glad I chose to take part in Alex Petty's Free
Festival at The Counting House. I considered it last year and checked out the
venues and looked at all the options.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Me and Ashley had a BUMPER run and played to full rooms
every day. I had people sitting on the floor of the ballroom and Ashley had
people standing in her wee room. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They put cash in the buckets. We left with a
profit, a very good profit if truth be told. We also told the crowds if they
donated silver and bronze coins we gave that to the homeless and later on we dished
it out fairly round the city's street collectors.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Counting House had its own set of challenges but were
daily overcome by Big Brian and the staff. Me, Ashley and my own front of house
staff Andrew and Helen ushered, crowd controlled and helped other acts
audiences get into shows. We self managed. We directed people, we unblocked
toilets, we mopped up spilt beer, we lifted up posters and flyers, we collected
glasses and we even served beer when it got busy. We were a team. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I encouraged comics and acts to get up and pitch their shows
to my big comedy loving crowd. I tweeted about other comics gigs and helped
flyer for other shows. It felt like THE FRINGE.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We hung out in the independent comic book shop DeadHead
Comics next door to Counting House. WE periscoped and tweeted and showed them
how to manage their social media. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They gave us a set of keys and we ended up weeping buckets as
we exchanged gifts and hugs when we left them to head home. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We had a fringe family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The people who came to the shows were brilliant. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ashley loved her first hour and she was also in a big
musical event show at the Assembly that ran for two weeks. So she was on the
Free Festival and the Big Venue festival at the same time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> A great experience
for her. She also did some BBC radio Four Extra live work and I did Just a Minute for BBC Radio Four. It was brilliant.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Dealing with hard cash was weird. I felt like a mid price
hooker, I haven't had that much money in my bag in years. We generally don't
carry much cash as a society now. It reminded me of when I owned a pub and used
to count the takings. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">People no longer see the Free Festival shows as 'well it's
free it must be shit' and I don't believe they ever did. This is a nice neat rumour
and label put on it by the same people who resent the free shows but have no
issue giving out free tickets at a paid venue for a show that can't shift a
ticket.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Tax was a well worn phrase when talking about the free
venues.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">"Yes, but do the free festival comics declare their
takings?" one comedy promoter asked me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I don't think anybody has the right to assume anyone is
fucking their taxes based on a dislike of their business model. If you have an
issue with people not paying their due tax please go check Gary Barlow,
Michelle Mone and some Tory peers before you nitpick at comics you avaricious
cunts. While you are at it please make sure the big venues who boast "BEST
YEAR EVER" are not putting their profits into an offshore account to avoid
taxes in UK.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I pay my tax.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I love the fringe and this year I loved it more. It felt
like the old days. It felt good and it felt fair.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I encouraged the people who were skint and living under
austerity to come see our shows for free. I also encouraged people who saw the
show to take money OUT OF THE BUCKET if they needed some cash. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Poverty isn't
shameful. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Comedy rocks. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Thanks everyone.</span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-69854258860888280582015-08-04T21:38:00.000+00:002015-08-04T21:38:49.561+00:00My Dad - I will be home.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He is 83 years old and has been the rock of my life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">His twinkly
blue eyes, his impatience with things that take too long to happen and his
ability to paint unusual water colours are just three of the things my dad imprinted
my DNA with.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Jim, my dad. Twice married and twice widowed. Father to four
kids one deceased (My eldest brother Jim) Step dad to two, granddad and great
grandad and great great grandad to a heap of kids all who are good at unusual
water colours - that's my dad. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The Man who always has a clean laundered handkerchief in his
pocket (thanks to his ever attentive son in law who cares for him daily, runs
his house, washes his clothes and does all his major care needs ).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We are close, always have been. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He was and still is a brilliant
grandpa to Ashley my daughter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He took her holidays, took her swimming, took
her to stare at squirrels and helped raise her alongside my beautiful step mum
who passed away five years ago.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I called him two years ago from my pals flat in Los Angeles
and I heard him having a stroke on the phone. His speech was slurred and his
questions were bizarre.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> My heart clenched and I had to hang up on him (not sure
if that was the last time I would hear his voice) and contact my husband in
Glasgow who took him to hospital and sat by his side for 34 hours. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I am blessed
with good men in my life.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He recovered. Got more frail. No more would he get off the
Glasgow subway tube and meet me at the stairs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">No more would he sit in a cafe
with me and flirt with the waitress. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He was too frail , he became housebound.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Now as time has passed he is slowly succumbing to dementia.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The proud, funny and stubborn old bastard who laughed at my
filthiest jokes now calls me to ask when he is going home. "You are home
dad" I gulp down the phone standing outside a comedy gig at 11pm at night.
People around me are happy and laughing and my heart just feels as though it's
cracked like a fragile crystal bauble.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">"Well if you won't help me, then that's up to you"
He shouts, his voice filled with anxiety and he bangs down his phone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I have never let my dad down before. Now I am letting him
down by assuring him he is safe. I blink tears in the street and run to get a
cab to his house.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I hug him when I get into his house. He grabs my hand tight
and looks into my eyes and says "Am sorry Janey, I hate being a burden, I
love you" and then he puts his warm old hand and lays it on the side of my
face and kisses my head. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My daddy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The man who carried me over puddles is back.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">"I am off to the fringe for a month dad, please be safe
and don't wander outside when am gone I will worry" I say to him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He smiles and tells me "My legs are fucked, even if I
do get outside I can't get far and my son in law will keep an eye on me, get onstage
baby it's where you are happy"</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRrzs83EwGlpqUuBTEVDfn8JSSw2wP2oUaIHcNonbtgYeci3UAFMLv7a9yhzMMqH5VfqybIcvNItiu1xUAuosEr7RMVoU8RH35IEeD5EbkmtVIaitF6fNVqNlPGNEfY3VF2G3v/s1600/janey+and+dad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRrzs83EwGlpqUuBTEVDfn8JSSw2wP2oUaIHcNonbtgYeci3UAFMLv7a9yhzMMqH5VfqybIcvNItiu1xUAuosEr7RMVoU8RH35IEeD5EbkmtVIaitF6fNVqNlPGNEfY3VF2G3v/s320/janey+and+dad.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Be safe dad. Stay there till I get back. I will be home.</span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-28825735222724210072015-07-28T19:47:00.000+00:002015-07-28T19:47:02.469+00:00Not Normal<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I remember being normal. I was young and worked in a bar and
watched normal people do normal things. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Things like other normal people did. Normal
is good, it's a safe place to be. It's the majority.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">There were normal people working in normal jobs and who saved
up for a yearly holiday and bought washing machines and normal stuff. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We all
came from the normal people, we didn't really know people who did anything
different. Maybe the guy who lived in the bus shelter and liked to sing in the
style of Al Jolson, he was a bit different but nobody wanted to be him. We
liked being normal.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then one night Jerry Sadowitz walked into my bar with
brother Jim (who died a few years ago). Sadowitz did comedy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">This was early 80s nobody did shocking comedy about the
Hungerford Shooter. He did. It was funny. It wasn't normal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It was literally
hysterical and many people claim to be there that night Sadowitz first played the
Weavers Inn. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It became stuff of legend. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">They weren't there. I was there and
three other people. It was a normal Tuesday.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He was a comedian and a magician, he did amazing stuff and
people loved and hated his jokes. Mostly loved.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">He went to the Edinburgh Fringe and did a show. Normal
people went through to Edinburgh for the day and watched stuff and came home.
He stayed there going onstage every night. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Who does that?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Years later I stopped being normal. I gave up normality and
became one of those people who check mic's and walk behind the stage and talk
to people in charge of venues. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I swapped a yearly holiday and started going for
a whole month to someone else's house to stay (which was completely abnormal as
I didn't know them) and started getting cold sweats standing onstage saying
stuff. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It wasn't normal. I met artists, actors, musicians and people who also
never did normal jobs but travelled about the world talking to audiences and
making money standing on stage. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Can you imagine walking onstage and seeing your favourite
pop star or actor waiting to hear you speak? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">It's totally not normal. Billy
Connolly watching me onstage as he sits with Ashley sharing a pot of tea will
never leave my memory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My daughter Ashley barely recalls normal. Even at thirteen
she went to Edinburgh and stopped being a normal kid and became a comedian. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">She
never went back to normal. She lived in a world where she understood phrases
like 'black out curtains' 'Door splits' '60% in your favour plus a guarantee'
and 'green room' that was never ever painted green. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">When her teen pals were off to Ibiza for summer hols....she
was organising flyering teams, helping the Underbelly guys in the press office
and directing a play we wrote in my living room. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">At 16 she was interviewing
Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais and getting Meryl Streep mixed up with Glen
Close in a dark alleyway on the Cowgate. Poor Meryl Streep her son was in an
Underbelly show and Ashley was to get a quote from her on camera....I often
wonder what she thought of the tall Scottish teenager who asked her if she has
spotted Glen Close.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My husband was never really normal, he quite happily upsticks
and moved house for a month every year as he has some gypsy in his blood. He
knew the words 'put up' and 'pull down' having been in a caravan carnival
family before.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I love being a comedian. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I recall the thrill of standing in a room being nervous with
a famous person off the telly being nervous with me. The normal people never
see that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">So yet again we are off to Edinburgh Fringe. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ashley and I
both have shows. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We will do stuff normal mum and daughter's don't do. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Like help
each other get our room ready for a show. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Like move into the 18th temporary
house of our life. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Watch each other onstage and organise each other's press
release and record our weekly award winning 'only mum and daughter' comedy
podcast.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">In fact I have just realised. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">We are normal...you guys who come to the festival and pay
for tickets...that's abnormal you know why? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Our shows are Free! </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">See you in August.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Ashley Storrie is at 6.15pm and am at 7.45pm at Counting House.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-30476303697180638492015-05-13T13:07:00.002+00:002015-05-13T13:09:29.800+00:00She lives in a Tenement<div style="background: white; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm; mso-line-height-alt: 12.0pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Five kids and she lives three floors up in a Glasgow tenement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The old toilet on the landing is shared between three families,
so that's 24 people with one cold, spider ridden Victorian loo with a flaky
wall and a big key with a never ending queue and no sink to wash your hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Some keep it clean, some shit on the floor. Life in a tenement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She can't leave the pram downstairs, so she makes the four
toddlers hold hands and promise to walk slowly up in front and not to drag each
other. She keeps an eye on them nervously as the wee one is not great at
stairs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She bumps the big pram up all the stairs, it wakes the baby. The
baby is screaming. Two kids need a pee. The toilet is being used. She promises
they can use the potty when she bumps up the pram.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The toddler wets himself. The potatoes under the pram fall out due
to the bumping and she sighs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She will need to send one small kid down to pick them up and
hope he doesn't run off as she has to calm the baby, change a toddler, get the
kids sat down and start peeling the potatoes for dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The kids finally all get into the one bedroom flat. The baby is
teething, they put her in the recess bed behind the curtain, that mammy
alternates between watching the potatoes boil, keeping an eye on the sausages
in the oven and making sure her two year old doesn't drown in the sink as she
washes him one handed as she holds back a toddler from the oven.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She needs to drain the potatoes, she can't as the kids are
getting washed in the sink.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The baby wakes up and all the kids need the toilet at the same
time. They all take turns of the potty, and as the potatoes sit going mushy in
the pan and the baby screams and the kid pees in the sink, the mammy holds in a
scream.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She gets them all fed. She starts boiling water for the dishes
as she has no hot running water, no washing machine and a two ring cooker with
an oven. She sometimes heats up the kettle on the coal fire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her man comes home from work. He needs the dishes out of the
sink and the hot water for a wash. The dishes go on the floor the toddlers
start playing with greasy plates and knives as she soothes the baby and prises
cutlery from sticky babies hands.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The kids all need washed again. She wipes them down, serves her
man his tea, as she walks about with four toddlers in one room and baby on her
hip.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">They all need the toilet and she runs down the landing with four
kids following her holding the greasy cutlery yet again and her with a full
chamber pot and a screaming baby with some ripped up paper to wipe bottoms.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She makes the kids sing songs in the landing as she waits for
the loo to get empty and starts the sluicing and letting the kids use the
toilet. Two scream as they see a spider and she needs to change the baby.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She goes back into the flat, he has finished dinner.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She puts on more hot water to wash the dishes and to wipe the
kids again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Her man goes to the pub as he has been working all day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She changes the baby, wipes down the toddlers and has to wait
till they are all asleep before she washes herself and can manage to have a
pee.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She hangs up the wet nappy's the clothes and the towels over the
cooker tucks four kids into one bed and takes the baby through to the bedroom
and when her man finally comes home drunk and falls asleep, she gets to breathe
out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">The baby wakes up and her husband needs a pee. She is exhausted
as she has to get up at 6am and take all the kids to her mammy's house so she
can go clean the big houses till tea time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She can't get decent wages because she has an Irish accent and
she wonders if one day Irish immigrants will be able to get a fair days work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She hopes her kids get a decent education and maybe one day they
will have an inside toilet and hot water.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<div style="background: white; margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt;">
<span style="color: #141823;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Good on all the wee Glasgow granny's and great granny's who
worked and raised kids in the toughest of times.</span><span style="font-family: Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-16864046061315163002015-04-11T23:40:00.002+00:002015-10-11T00:00:28.115+00:00I HATE FEMALE COMICS<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;">Just had a
fabulous time at Glasgow Stand comedy club.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">It's a
brilliant comedy club and comics who know the circuit adore it, we all love
doing The Stand Comedy Club. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The sell out crowd were fabulous, the swell of laughter and applause lifted my spirits. I love my job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I walk off
stage and stand at the bar waiting to speak to the staff. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I am elated,
it was a belter of a gig and I feel great that I did a good job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A young man
comes over - I can see it in his
eyes...he is going to say it and he does. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He smiles, grabs my hand and blurts
it out -<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"My
girlfriend at the bar" he points to a young woman in a blue dress who is
waving at me "She normally HATES female comics but she loved you" He
stands back and waits for me to be amazed at this news. He waits and I stare stonily at him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">My stomach
sinks, he is smiling...he is expecting me to throw my arms in the air and yell
"WOW I MADE YOUR SEXIST GIRLFRIEND HAPPY....FUCK ME AM SO GRATEFUL THAT
SHE LIKES ME".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I stare at
him and reply "She HATES ALL women comics? Even the ones she has never seen?
Has she ever said 'I HATE ALL male comics?' has those words ever came out of
her mouth?" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He looked
stunned "No, she has never said that, she likes male comics". He looks crestfallen that I am not
utterly grateful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I reply
"She has never seen a male comic bomb?? Has she seen every male stand up and loved them all? Or does
she generally just not like women in their chosen profession?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"I am
trying to give you a compliment" he whines with a hurt face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">"No,
you aren't" I explain "First of all she can't speak for herself she
has you to speak for her, so this isn't your opinion so am sorry I am saying
this to you, but that isn't a compliment. Basically it means she HATES all my
friends and my daughter who is a comic and she hasn't met them"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">At this the
woman comes over. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He tried to make a face to tell her not to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She doesn't
read his expression as she is too excited to tell me how much she hates all
women who tell jokes but not me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I suspect
her surname isn't Pankhurst. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Before she
can speak I ask her "What do you do for a job?" she tells me she is a
hairdresser as she touches my hair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I shrug her
off and say "I HATE ALL female hairdressers, every single one of
them".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She is
stunned. Her face is closing in on itself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I say to her
"It's awful isn't it when someone hates what you do for a living without
ever seeing your work but just based on your gender? You're the woman who HATES ALL FEMALE COMICS" <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She tries to
explain "But I do HATE female comics but you changed my mind" She
smiles hoping I am going to hug her for this news. Maybe we will swap friendship bracelets or punches...who knows? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I stare at
her and wonder how that can happen? How can a woman HATE all female comics and
take the chance on coming to live comedy clubs and not worry she might be faced
with a whole night of women comics....THE THING she clearly HATES. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I am
joking....nobody ever wanders into an all female comedy gig at a regular club, THAT never happens unless it's a charity night or something.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I say to her
"Can you hear yourself? Why do you HATE all female comics? Did you see one
woman who wasn't funny and you just judged a whole gender of comics based on
that one experience? Have you ever had shit sex with a bloke and that one guy
who ejaculated too quick made you judge all men based on HIS SHIT performance and that made you HATE man sex?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She blinks
and says "I don't think I like you any more".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I reply with
a smile and throw up my arms "Good that's you back to HATING all female comics, I wouldn't want
you breaking your golden rule of hating women now would I?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I think I need
to learn to deal with this better, but it happens to me and heaps of other
female comics every week. I get exhausted dealing with it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Way to Go
SISTER.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt; line-height: 115%;">PS- She also managed to tell me her female hero was singer from Girls Aloud Cheryl Cole (Ferndandez Versini or whatever man's name she took), the famous toilet boxer that got arrested for attacking a black female toilet attendant over a lollipop incident.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-38038509837302103302015-04-03T22:47:00.001+00:002015-04-03T22:47:50.581+00:00Janey Godley AUDIO Live in London BBC radio<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9F-WLgEGl44" width="459"></iframe><div class="blogger-post-footer"><!-- Start TexasBlogs Code -->
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-10848038795407235622015-02-20T18:52:00.000+00:002015-02-20T18:54:44.536+00:00The Difference is Clear <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My mammy Annie was a wee Glasgow working class woman, with a
lot of poverty and addiction problems. My problems today seem insurmountable so
I thought I would compare them to my mothers in the 60s/70s/80s</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. I couldn't get my new Iphone to work today and
was utterly distraught, I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1960. Am pregnant again and the three I have got are
making me insane, never mind Valium has been invented and so has the Pill.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. I am too tired to wash my hair to do comedy for
20 minutes for a good wage.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1967. I am exhausted the four kids have chicken
pox....mmmm Valium is good, I feel shaky without it but have to do a 12 hours
shift in the box making factory.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. My husband is crap at hanging up the washing and
I wish he heated the car before he drove me to work.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1968. My husband is drunk again, no wages and the
doctor won't give me more Valium, we may have to borrow a can of soup off my
neighbour and share it between the kids.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. I can't be arsed trying to figure out what to
wear tonight and with what shoes?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1968. The kids have all grown out of or destroyed their
one pair of shoes each, I will have to shove lino inside them to cover up the
holes. I will wear wellington ankle boots till next pay day.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. Some guy was really sexist on facebook today, I
want him barred off facebook.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1969. The boss at work felt my breasts again, better
not say anything in case my husband gets annoyed or I get sacked. Just try and
cover my boobs up more, my own stupid fault.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. My new laptop arrived, how do I work this, it takes so long to set it up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1970. The electricity has been disconnected, I never
paid it...am feeling really bad about the amount of Valium am taking, but it
helps me block it all out.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. I need to check my bank account online.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1971. I need to beg money from my family, the kids
need new school uniforms.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. Bloody Itunes gave me U2 whether I wanted it or
not I hate U2.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1980. I hate U2 what happened to music?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. Might go a wee holiday this year.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie 1892. My new boyfriend is scaring me.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Annie Currie died in 1982 at the hands of her boyfriend. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Janey 2015. I miss my mammy.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-88545907751182859412015-01-04T23:17:00.000+00:002015-01-04T23:19:01.462+00:00Comedy for kids.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18pt; line-height: 115%;">Not many
people would assume it was my bag, but I often do Kids Comedy show at The Stand Comedy Club Glasgow. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can imagine as you are reading this and if you know me, you might be
thinking things like "Did you swear?" of course I didn't. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I love
doing comedy for kids. It can be tough as some kids don't understand that they
have to pay attention or maybe they are used to taking over a room with a story
and then feel awkward as other kids don't find them as interesting as their own parents probably do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">One Sunday
in at the start of the show a wee boy about nine years old kept chatting to me
and engaging in long diatribes about dinosaurs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He couldn't get away from
dinosaurs. His mum looked uncomfortable and was trying to get him to sit quiet. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The other kids were getting annoyed and parents started looking over at him. He
didn't care, he had heaps to say about dinosaurs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I managed to
get him on stage and to name every dinosaur he knew and I could act out it's
walking action. He was in heaps of wee giggles as I clearly didn't know what I
was doing and was just stomping about the stage making noises. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">To calm him
down, I asked him if wanted to host the show with me. He took my hand and we
came to an agreement that he could only shout out dinosaur names when I got
stuck for material and he would take over.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The audience
laughed as he was really having trouble staying quiet and loved it when I would
shout "am stuck, give me a dinosaur" and all the kids would scream
with laughter at my interpretation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The wee boy
sat with me as the other comics took the stage and he was fine, he was laughing
and keeping the dinosaur chat to a minimum. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">He was
flushed with excitement after the show and his mum came over to tell me how
much he enjoyed it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She explained that he had Aspergers and doesn't often talk
out loud or touch people and this was her first time with him at comedy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">She
told me it was wonderful to see him chat to someone and not get berated or
flustered. "To see him onstage holding your hand and laughing was just so
lovely" she said. I thanked her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I explained
that he was good fun and that my husband has Aspergers and at that the wee guy
butted in and said "Does he know all the dinosaurs?" </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I told him he
didn't but my husband was an expert on all things Ancient Rome. I got a quick
hug from him and he ran out the door. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When people
ask me what my best audience was I tell them it was a nine year old boy who
likes dinosaurs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-26770025015817029712014-12-20T14:39:00.001+00:002014-12-20T16:22:51.267+00:00My Star Brother.<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">"Janey, stop crying it's fine" you said as you
carried me in your skinny 12 year old arms. Luckily I was small and not too heavy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> I had banged my head
and blood was seeping out of my forehead onto your grey school jumper. I had
managed to crack my head on the school playground slabs. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Instead of running to
the school nurse as all six year old's are supposed to do, I belted it over the
'big' playground to find you, my big brother Jim. You would help.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You immediately hoisted me up, you knew how to carry me, you
were the eldest and I was the youngest. You had hauled me on your hip for
years. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"> I could see the shock
in your face as the blood dribbled over my eyebrows and into my eyes. You took
your sleeve (who carries hankies?) and wiped my face with such tenderness. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">In seconds my legs were crab like round
your waist and my arms locked around your neck. I could feel your heart banging
in your chest as you sped up the hilly street towards my house and sat beside
me as my mammy washed and looked at the cut on my head. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I still have the scar. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You had scars as well. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">The ones on your torso when you got so overweight at
twenty and one night slashed your own stomach. Nobody spoke about it. You had
scars on your arms when you took to the needle to escape your own life when
heroin magically melted away the crap in your existence. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Then you got thin again and
the scars of the years of being an addict took its toll like a map of fear on your skin. You became a problem,
you were complicated, angry, confused and sometimes a right pain to be with,
but I still loved you.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You got new scars, when the tests for HIV revealed you had
more shit running in your veins than you thought was possible and then you got
more scars when you developed cancer and a Hickman line protruded out of your
collar bone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">That bone I knew so well, the bone I would rest my head on as a
kid when you picked me up.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">Your life was full of scars and pain, yet you carried on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I
remember coming to see you and discovering that all the posters and flyers from
my Fringe shows were on your walls beside Oasis and Bryan Ferry. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You told me I
was 'Your Star Child' and sometimes you rubbed the thin line on my forehead and
called me 'Your Scar Child'. We laughed and hugged.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">I never got to say goodbye to you, you died a few years ago on
New Year's Eve down in Colchester near your daughter.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">You went suddenly and one
of your extended family just put your death up as a Facebook Status and that's
how I found out you had left us. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">But in my heart you always were the one that
carried me Jim and now I carry you, inside my soul. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">My Star Brother.</span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-88597930128802986762014-12-06T16:06:00.000+00:002014-12-06T16:11:07.697+00:00The Bay City Rollers and Me<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Picture the scene, it's 1975 and the girls are in the old school outdoor Victorian toilets standing beside the big radiators rubbing their hands for a smidgeon of heat and I walk in.I budge people up for some warmth on the thick painted cast iron that gives out a dull heat.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Someone shouted "The Bay City Rollers are coming to Glasgow".</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was stunned, I loved them! I wanted to go and see them. They were HUGE, everyone I know LOVED them. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> "My dad got me two tickets and then we are going to The Albany Hotel to meet them" said this girl I knew called Donna. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Everyone was excited at her news.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I piped up "I love them, I might go".</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Donna flicked back her long hair, stared at me and laughed as she pushed me off the radiator and yelled "You can't even afford the school dinners, you eat out of bins Currie" and all her pals giggled and shoved me on the way out of the toilets. </span><span style="font-size: large;">I blinked back tears. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I hated her, she had everything I wanted like ...boobs, shiny long straight blonde hair and really fashionable clothes. I fucking hated her.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I was small, flat chested and had hair so curly and densely thick that no matter what style you got it cut, it went back to its original thicket of black matted wool. Who I am kidding? It was never professionally styled and cut, my mammy trimmed it regularly with the giant wallpaper scissors. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">How could a Bay City Roller ever fall in love with a child-like boyish girl with mismanaged hair and cardboard to block up the holes in her shoes?</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">I gripped the radiator hard and listened as the others all talked about getting tickets and making plans. I left the toilet with that horrible acceptance that I would never get the money to go. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Life could be shit in 1975 for us poor ones.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Today I was introduced to Les McKeown from Bay City Rollers at a charity event "This is Janey Godley, she is great stand up comic" the very generous woman said as she nodded to Les. He shook my hand and said "Yea, I have seen your stuff, you are right funny, hiya"</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">That wee girl standing beside the radiator in 1975 with wet socks wishing she had boobs, untangled hair and the money for a Bay City Rollers ticket finally smiled. </span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 20px;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Fuck you Donna, where ever you are.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13.63636302948px; line-height: 20px;">
<br /></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-76847080226443003162014-12-02T23:27:00.002+00:002014-12-02T23:27:39.470+00:00Being a woman comic, these are things that happen.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">1. Watching
the hotel receptionist ignore you and speak to your husband, explaining stuff
and giving keys out, even though you are paying the bill and the room is in
your name (which is entirely different from his).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">2. Turning
up at a new theatre gig and watch the front of house staff explain to my
husband (who drove me there and is only walking me in and is not a comic) where
the green room is and shaking his hand, assuming he must be the headline act
and not me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">3. Computer
staff asking my husband what his job is to get a laptop to suit his needs when
in fact it was me who asked them for assistance and he was only standing beside
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">4. People
assuming I would wet my knickers to run to the 'Prosecco and Cupcake' table at
a charity event.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">5.
Organisers ignoring every male comic in the room to tell specifically me that 'this
event would prefer if swearing was kept to a minimum'.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">6. Having a
woman apologise in advance for my language at a comedy/political event after
four men had sworn onstage before me. She gave them great introductions with no
'bad language' comments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">7. Men
asking me what my husband thinks of my job.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">8. Women
asking me what my husband thinks of my job and did I feel like a bad mother
leaving my daughter in her father's care as I pursued my career.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">9. Audience
member's telling me they don't normally like female comics, but I was good.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">10. People asking me if my comedy is about my
vagina and hating men.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">11. When
explaining my husband doesn't work, having to listen to men assume he must be secretly
resentful I make money. You are not allowed to reverse that question on them,
apparently that's me being defensive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;">12. People
asking me if being a 'woman </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">comic' is actually a real job.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 21.4666652679443px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 19px; line-height: 21.4666652679443px;">Come see 2 funny women at Glasgow International Comedy Festival MARCH 2015</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-79470881926808645632014-11-23T19:24:00.001+00:002014-11-23T19:24:14.796+00:00A Lot To Answer For And Ballater<span class="font-size-3">So we have Bill Cosby, one of my favourite TV dad's. The all American dad, the man in fuzzy sweaters who could make anything funny, is now accused of rape.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Not by one woman, or another woman who 'jumped on the band wagon' as some internet trolls like to call victims, but a slew of women working in the business. What does Bill do? He refuses to discuss it. Refusing to speak seems like the best way to avoid discussion. It has been used a million times historically, the best way to avoid a situation is to 'not talk about it' according to Bill.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">When my daughter was four I caught her throwing talcum down the toilet, the whole thing splattered the loo and the floor. She didn't want to talk about it. I accepted she knew it was wrong as she was four years old and slunk off looking for a teddy bear to be her lawyer who would assure her 'not talking about it' was a great defence. Her face spoke volumes.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Bill Cosby's face on the latest Associated Press's video looks much of the same. Except Bill never threw talcum about the toilet to resemble the final scene of Scarface, he is accused of raping multiple victims.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">When will he speak out? The New York Daily News printed a front cover today saying "It's Time For America's Dad To Talk" so it's not going away.....come on Bill. Speak.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I am currently writing this blog from Ballater, me and my pal Shirley are having a week at the timeshare lodge at Craigendarroch. It's basically a huge complex of country lodges beside a big hotel with a swimming pool nestled on the hill above Ballater. It's Royal country, all the shops vie for who has the biggest royal seal of approval above their wee blue door. There are faded photos in windows of Diana clutching a bag of dolly mixtures as she heads towards a car and a wonderful museum dedicated to Queen Victoria in the now defunct railway station, full of wax models and mock up royal train. Very cutesy.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I think it must be hard to survive as a business in these small villages, so fair play to them. I love the village of Ballater I have to say. The butcher's has the best meat on the planet and the shops are stocked with everything from gun cleaning fluid to fags and tartan hedgehogs.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Me and Shirley have been doing art projects, I love painting and drawing and she has been joining in and encouraging me to draw things I normally feel is out with my talent scope. I even did a landscape and auctioned it on Twitter and raised £150 for Loaves and Fishes food bank in Glasgow. Am very proud and thanks to Stephen K Amos, the food bank got some well deserved cash.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">The silence is wonderful, and the scenery is stunning. I go and swim most days and just lie in the warm pool and float about, so swimming is a very elaborate excuse for what it is I actually do in the pool.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I am missing Ashley, husband and my dad of course but the break is brilliant.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Shirley on the other hand, despite being a good pal likes to scare me. She has done this in all the places we stayed from London to Boston. She can stand still in a dark corner for ages just to jump out at me...I battered my arm off the door to the sauna the other night when she did it. Yes, we have a sauna and Jacuzzi in the lodge.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I don't like sauna's as to me they are one step above water boarding.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">We sit out at night on the balcony in the dense darkness and can hear nothing but some birds or animal or something making a weird noise, but it's lovely. I always look at Shirley to make sure it isn't her cawing to scare me, but it's not.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Days pass in a lovely haze of swimming, eating and sleeping surrounded by brilliant autumnal colours blazing through the windows and laughing with my pal.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">This is the perfect time to relax before the busy Christmas period and as we have had this lodge for 28 years, I recall Ashley as a toddler throwing talcum down the toilet in the lodge. Ah...happy memories.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter <a data-mce-href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley" href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley">@JaneyGodley</a> for updates and daily shenanigans.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-61345016034026730802014-11-07T14:11:00.001+00:002014-11-07T14:12:03.414+00:00Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc.<span style="font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-size: 18px;">In 1979, I recall walking into work in my boyfriend’s dad's pub in the notorious area of The Calton in Glasgow. There seemed to be not many street lights outside and it felt very dark. The pub was full of drunk, young and old men. The only woman in there (other than me) was an ancient old prostitute who sat alone singing into her glass as the guys looked on laughing.<br /><br />This was the same bar in the early 80s where some of its regulars had gang raped another drunk vulnerable woman and after getting bored with her, slashed her flesh so much that she almost died. Nicholas Fairbairn the infamous politician had to resign as he declared her gang rape and assault as 'not worthy of a trial' as she was a 'damaged woman'. It took a kind hearted lawyer to bring the first civil law suit to jail my customers and they served prison time. It was the Carol X case. Her rapists were guys who drank in my bar.<br /><br />What am trying to say is some of the Glasgow men back then in The Calton didn't really respect women much. I witnessed this every day in that bar. Women were treated with utter disdain, abuse and I even witnessed women running away from the 'grabbing' men who all laughed heartily at their 'attempted assault'. The guys openly discussed the size of my breasts and sometimes when I ventured out into the main bar area to clear up they would make an effort to curtail their behaviour as my boyfriend's dad was not to be messed with, so I effectively was 'off limits'. I was safe.<br /><br />Yet I was constantly shocked at the way they spoke about women, for example I had a guy in our bar who used to say he "Tarzaned" women, which was a reference to Tarzan grabbing a woman and swinging her away. 'Tarzaned' can be equally read as raped. Things slowly changed, the area changed, lots of those original guys became heroin addicts and were now not so cocky and either died or faded away or just gave up on life.<br /><br />The 80s came along and new customers with families and jobs and self employed business's started using the pub and they weren't as 'grabby' or sexist or misogynistic as their predecessors.<br /><br />But there was still an element of old school sexism in the air. Good news was - it was changing.<br /><br />It's 2014 and we now have Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc in the media telling us how to grab women by the throat for a dating technique or openly laughing at women and asking to 'smell their gash' and generally being demeaned by men in groups. I thought that was done.<br /><br /> I had hoped the term 'Tarzaned' was an isolated Glasgow urban myth....but its back and people now pay to hear it. Maybe I should open a 1979 theme bar and have men grabbing women as blokes laugh at the hilarity and we can have Dapper Laughs Vines on a loop, girls can giggle as they are throttled near the juke box and women can scream with pleasure at being noticed as they try to hide the smell of their gash near the boys!<br /><br />Or men like Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc can grow the fuck up and people who pay to see them can realise that one day their own daughters, sisters and female pals will suffer from this perpetuated 'lad syndrome' and maybe one day if things change WOMEN ONE DAY can walk into a bar without fear or humiliation from badly raised stupid men.<br /><br />So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter <a data-cke-saved-href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley" href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley"><u>@JaneyGodley</u></a> for updates and daily shenanigans.<br /><br />Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer"><!-- Start TexasBlogs Code -->
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-65310194457849422532014-10-09T20:56:00.000+00:002014-10-09T20:56:04.086+00:00Booking a Comedy Club...hence am a promoter!<span class="font-size-3">Wild Cabaret is a stunning venue in Glasgow's Merchant city.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Not your usual comedy venue that boasts a dark cellar and angry hipster barman whose girlfriend looks like a Govan version of Uma Thurman and they argue every time you try to introduce a nervous new comedian or he decides his 'mates band' are playing that night, just when you get a decent following.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The carpet doesn't smell weirdly of a deep clean from folk in hazmat suits or even stick to your feet and they have more than an angle poise lamp to light up the stage.....and you get paid in cash on the night! Weird eh?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">What is going on with all this professionalism Godley? I hear you ask.</span><br />
<br /><span class="font-size-3">Well Glasgow boasts great comedy nights and there should be sticky carpets and angry barmen and weird lighting, that's how comedy works as well, trust me, it's where I learned my stripes playing.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">But Wild Cabaret in Candleriggs is a bona fide cabaret venue with proper posh food and waiters who walk about so well dressed I constantly think they own the joint and keep suggesting new ideas about comedy to their confused faces as they try to take orders. They ignore me and smile. Bless them. I love the place.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">It can be a hard thing introducing comedy to folk who are trying to order truffle laden ox blood marrow boned sausages. You are trying to explain a story about mild near death masturbation as they whisper "medium rare please" but we are getting there.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Am joking about the sausages but not about the masturbation joke as there is a white rope above the stage for those folk who dress like cats and do cabaret at the weekend, which I am assured is awesome and it keeps triggering my joke about men who choke themselves during a 'pleasure session'. Some people laugh.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Some Thursday's it's full other times it's not as busy, but we are getting a good solid crowd and it's my job to programme it and am rubbish at that part. I don't mean we haven't had good comics but I wake up at 4am in tangled sheet panicking that I haven't booked any acts that week and so grab my phone and check again and again.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Scottish comics have emailed me suggesting their availability and I forget to put them into a file to get back to them, so now people think I don't like them and you know how well liked I am to begin with, it's a vicious circle.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">I am trying to make sure I get everyone on, the pay isn't stunning but at least in these climes of comedy clubs being crap at paying people, you get cash on the night.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">I forget every week to announce the line up on social media and then I remember and hastily send it out 500 times just to make sure am annoying people all over the world as well as at home.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The owner of the club is brilliant and takes on board all the suggestions I come up with and even has posters of my giant face around the city centre on bill boards. </span><br />
<br /><span class="font-size-3">The staff are fabulous and move between the tables like members of the CIA taking orders and rarely shake a cocktail when folk are onstage, in fact one barman shakes his thing in the side kitchen for convenience and often makes cocktails in there as well (BOOM BOOM).</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">We have awesome deals on like the £15 (was £30) two course meal with a glass of wine AND comedy ticket for Thursday nights. That's a cracking deal eh? If you just want comedy its £8 and you sit on beautiful seats or in a stunning booth!</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">There are no sight line problems and the toilets are fabulous and don't double up as the acts room, we have a great green room back stage with our own loo.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The problem is, trying to merge posh food and a beautiful room with stand up...they can be weird bedfellows but I don't see why it can't happen.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Why does comedy club food have to be fried and flung at you with cheap cutlery and plastic glasses?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Why can't we eat salmon mousse from beautiful plates and drink from crystal glasses and still laugh?</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">We will and we ARE! So come down to Wild Cabaret JUST COMEDY on a Thursday night, you will see half price offers on facebook and twitter.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">I will be the frazzled panicky woman staring at a white rope above the stage trying to avoid a strangly wank joke.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter <a data-mce-href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley" href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley">@JaneyGodley</a> for updates and daily shenanigans.</span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-54260260840461661832014-09-11T15:52:00.001+00:002014-09-11T15:52:26.029+00:00Swearing<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Picture the scene, I walk out of a gig at Edinburgh fringe, it's raining and am laughing and saying goodbye to some folks and I get straight into a cab as someone shouts "Loved the show Janey" and the taxi driver asks "Are you a comedian?" I reply quite proudly "Yes I am" and I forgot in my elation that I usually don't speak about comedy in taxi's as I know what he is going to say next...I forgot and before I could think another thing I heard him say the inevitable "Do you swear?".</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I have my stock answer "I don't swear anymore than the male comics or less than the local priest".</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">That usually makes them look into their mirror and then I hear him say "Ah...your one of those feminist women" as if the only way I could possibly answer them back is because I have a political agenda and some buckwheat sandals that I wear as I breastfeed foundlings on my lactating pendulous braless titties.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">"No more a feminist than most of the male comics but usually more than the local priest, have you ever asked a male comic if he swears?" I add and hopefully this will end this painfully awkward corner we have talked our way into.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I just pull on my headphones (always great to get out of these situations) and nod to music as he mouths some shit I cannot hear but his eyebrows look knotted and angry.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I don't know why 'swearing' is something that female's have to be told not to do. Is it really that bad? Has anyone ever really hated Kevin Bridges, Frankie Boyle and Billy Connolly's language onstage to the point where they discuss with a pursed mouth?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Dara O'Briain says the word 'Feck' live on television, we all know it means 'fuck' does Dara get belittled for being an uneducated ill-informed swearer? No, he doesn't he is one of Ireland's most intelligent funny men.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">So it is a class issue? I have seen very well spoken middle class English women swear in comedy and somehow it is more acceptable, especially if said by 'apparent slip of the tongue' or by the medium of a 'puppet' (see Nina Conti's filthy mouthed Monkey).</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Does my swearing sound worse because I am a working class Scottish woman?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">If I was a Oxbridge graduate swearing onstage would it be seen as 'urban and gritty' like a hipster getting angry at a flat tyre but in my accent does it sound really harsh and filthy and all you hear is a slovenly washer woman taking us back years with her filthy language?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Recently I attended a "Vote Yes" event for Scottish creative's.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">All lovely people, authors, musicians in a Glasgow basement.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">The male author swore, the musician had some choice language in his songs and not a word was spoken, but the female (who spouts the values a gender equality independence group) got up to introduce me she told the audience...</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">"Next up is comedian Janey Godley, she might use offensive language so if you are easily offended, please bear this in mind".</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I walked to the stage so angry. I know she didn't do it to hurt me but despite being part of a gender equality group she was hardwired to apologise for a woman before that woman spoke. She never apologised after the men onstage swore. I never got that chance. The audience were told I was probably going to be offensive.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">One day this will end.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter <a data-mce-href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley" href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley">@JaneyGodley</a> for updates and daily shenanigans.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-75593330573595205882014-08-29T11:37:00.003+00:002014-08-29T11:37:58.713+00:00Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 215 <div align="center">
<span class="font-size-3">(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)</span></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">In episode 215 of Janey Godley's podcast, the comedy duo are a day late and Ashley is so hoarse of the throat she can hardly speak. Janey discusses her choice to support the YES campaign and they both talk about the awful patronising Better Together advert that made them change their mind.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Ashley debates the US gun laws as a child shoots an instructor with a machine gun. The news that Ashley's radio pilot is broadcast on Monday 1st September on BBC Radio Scotland is met with much delight.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Janey Godley Podcast at:<a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/entry/2014-08-28T15_52_53-07_00" href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/entry/2014-08-28T15_52_53-07_00"> Episode 215</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Check out our <a data-mce-href="http://vimeo.com/81048354" href="http://vimeo.com/81048354">podcast advert on Vimeo</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from <a data-mce-href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/godleypodcast/shop" href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/godleypodcast/shop">RedBubble.</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our <a data-mce-href="http://www.janeygodley.com/blogdonation.html" href="http://www.janeygodley.com/blogdonation.html">Donate Page</a> and donate via PayPal or like us on <a data-mce-href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Janey-Godleys-Podcast/134625559927869" href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Janey-Godleys-Podcast/134625559927869" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or by signing up to<a data-mce-href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt" href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt"> Dropbox,</a> it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with <a data-mce-href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt" href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt">@Dropbox!</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit <a data-mce-href="http://www.roadtochange.eu/" href="http://www.roadtochange.eu/">The Road to Change</a> website.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Check out our <a data-mce-href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5Xl8BEB-Vs" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5Xl8BEB-Vs">Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Check out: <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/tim-freya-full-story-conclusion.html" href="http://janeygodley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/tim-freya-full-story-conclusion.html">The saga of Tim and Freya</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">You can check out all our videos on: <a data-mce-href="http://www.youtube.com/user/janeygodley?feature=chclk" href="http://www.youtube.com/user/janeygodley?feature=chclk">YouTube</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Order “Handstands in the Dark” <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.com/merchandise.html" href="http://janeygodley.com/merchandise.html">Paper Back</a> or in <a data-mce-href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handstands-Dark-Growing-Survival-ebook/dp/B0060MB6K0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320227734&sr=1-1" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handstands-Dark-Growing-Survival-ebook/dp/B0060MB6K0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320227734&sr=1-1">EBook</a></span><br />
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<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Please rate us or leave a comment on:<a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/" href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/" target="_blank"> PodOmatic</a>, <a data-mce-href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/janey-godleys-podcasts/id382676303" href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/janey-godleys-podcasts/id382676303" target="_blank">ITunes</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.com/gigs.html" href="http://janeygodley.com/gigs.html">Gigs!</a></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.</span><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-56038915253552382392014-08-23T14:42:00.002+00:002014-08-23T14:42:54.411+00:00Edinburgh and the rain<span class="font-size-3">Edinburgh and the rain</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">The rain featured heavily at this year's fringe festival, it was everywhere and everyone was talking about it. Bloody rain, doesn't need to pay PR yet gets front page news and was the word of mouth around town. I saw the rain ruin my favourite Underbelly's VIP bar The Abattoir. Am sad.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">You see it doesn't matter how many minor royals attended your house party- the Scottish rain will batter you and soak your temporary garden centre for artistic type smokers and it will do it relentlessly until your ceilings bow and pretty girls in tea dresses and men in winged collars and top hats have to sit on a damp chaise lounge. I sat there as the water ran down my sad face near a petrified stuffed fox and wonky piano. It left me with trenchfoot.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">It's Scottish rain, it's a sign of freedom, it will never stop until we all grow gills.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">It also completely soaked the mock Tudor castle pancake/burger area at Gilded Balloon. People sat near a fake English roundhead soldier/archer in his plywood castle (no idea what that has to do with the Gilded Balloon or comedy) and they ate noodles smattered with rain.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">It wasn't fun anymore and nobody could control it.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The BBC Potterow area was drenched, like the Scottish clouds somehow knew that hardly any Scottish comics featured on their big live line up shows in our own capital city and so in one last attempt at sticking two fingers up to the London BBC - it pissed gallons of water on it. Like Salmond himself was standing atop a monstrous inflatable sheep and emptying his giant bladder over the soft southern media types who insist in their blogs that we still eat deep fried mars bars and can't impregnate a panda.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The rain was awesome this year, am going to even say it was a mark of feminism (just to ensure some click bait).</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">But this was the year of THE FREE SHOWS.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Finally we witnessed the tremors of tingly fear of losing money from the big venue owners (this sleepless fear is normally assigned to comedians who are brought here by big London Agencies who ensure they are indentured slaves for the next six years as they work off their Edinburgh debt).</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Yes some shows sold out fine, the ones with people 'aff the telly' and 'famous and young looking' did as well as can be expected. But the hundreds of other peripheral shows that prop up the rent/staff charges and are the backbone of the actual artistic end of the fringe (depending on your view) did not get the audience it expected. The FREE SHOWS were there to plug the gap.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The Free Shows were heaving and buckets were full of brown coloured Scottish notes. I went round 7 free shows on a Monday night, they were busy and watched comics rake in £90-£800 on a weekday night.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The BBC Potterow is also a 'free show' as it cannot charge for tickets therefore it's all day events sucked in thousands of people daily to its many shows. Their pay off is "we showcase many artists on the fringe and encourage people to attend shows" yes...but not if you are a Scottish comedian as they rarely had any of my Scottish comedy contemporary's on -but maybe Scottish people's licence fee cash isn't important to BBC? Who knows?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Some canny eagle eyed pundits of the fringe have said that many Scots in this year of referendum went up to The Stand ( a Scottish stalwart on the circuit and all year round Scottish comedy club) and spent their money there, in an act of spending their political pound - whilst they still have it.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">I would like to find out if there is any truth in that theory and ask if the 'other side of town' got as much rain as the Bristo square area as a backup for the answer.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Me? I don't think it has anything to do with the referendum. I think for many years the fringe had outgrown its tag as the 'slightly edgy brother' to the elitist Edinburgh Festival and now has became too corporate for its own good (this has been said for many years now).</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">So organically as always happens in the 'arts' the FREE SHOWS have spawned their own 'freedom of expression and free to you' events and they have award winning comics to back it up.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">When I mentioned FREE SHOWS on social media, people got back to me and said things like "I saw great shows and utter crap in the big paid venues but at least in the FREE SHOWS you can decide if you pay for that crap".</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Some big venue owners have hit back with an amazing 'good question’.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">"Well how do we know the comics collecting all that bucket cash are paying tax on it?"</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">My answer is two fold- if you are worried about the morals of comedians paying tax then make sure you never hire a comic who has a specific tax lawyer on their pay roll. That should salve your tax moral dilemma problems right there.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Secondly, who are you to worry about who is paying tax? Is this your new job?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">So there we have it. Tax worries/ ticket worries and rain.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Next year after many years at paid venues I am coming to the fringe with a FREE SHOW.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">A few reasons, we already do a podcast and ask for donations every week and the investment from people is amazing. Also I have noticed that my audience over the years are mainly older people (which is cool) with younger folk assuming my comedy is not accessible for them.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">The other reason is, I want to support the FREE SHOWS and see how that grows up against the 'Fringe Festival'. Social media has changed everything, we can let people know where the gig is and even have a paypal link for shows? Who knows?</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">I think the FREE SHOWS would open me up to a wider age group with younger people taking more of a chance and if you listened to our podcast 'Janey Godley's Podcast' you would know my comedy is ageless and not some cupcake, knitting catalogue of grumpy observations.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<br />
<span class="font-size-3">So there we have it. Tremors have been felt, next year "we need a new business model for the fringe" is the latest buzz phrase.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">I think we need a roof.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter <a data-mce-href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley" href="https://twitter.com/JaneyGodley">@JaneyGodley</a> for updates and daily shenanigans.</span><br />
<span class="font-size-3"> </span><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9740976.post-21685465480230622392014-08-22T22:19:00.001+00:002014-08-22T22:19:18.313+00:00Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 214 <br /><div align="center">
<span class="font-size-3">(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)</span></div>
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<span class="font-size-3">In episode 214 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter have their last recording from the Edinburgh Fringe. They talk taxi queue fights, late night food, stupid reviewers and we have an appearance of the COCK BANDIT!</span><br />
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<br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Janey discusses her 6 day headache and demands a beach holiday and gets mixed up with news about the beheading of a bush in Liverpool and real serious news. Ashley tells us how she feels about performing every night and how she never got to eat Michelin starred food in the Capital. The both discuss the ice bucket challenge.</span><br />
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<br />
<span class="font-size-3">Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.</span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3"></span><br />
<span class="font-size-3">Janey Godley Podcast at:<a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/entry/2014-08-22T05_58_08-07_00" href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/entry/2014-08-22T05_58_08-07_00"> Episode 214</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Check out our <a data-mce-href="http://vimeo.com/81048354" href="http://vimeo.com/81048354">podcast advert on Vimeo</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from <a data-mce-href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/godleypodcast/shop" href="http://www.redbubble.com/people/godleypodcast/shop">RedBubble.</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our <a data-mce-href="http://www.janeygodley.com/blogdonation.html" href="http://www.janeygodley.com/blogdonation.html">Donate Page</a> and donate via PayPal or like us on <a data-mce-href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Janey-Godleys-Podcast/134625559927869" href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Janey-Godleys-Podcast/134625559927869" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or by signing up to<a data-mce-href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt" href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt"> Dropbox,</a> it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with <a data-mce-href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt" href="http://db.tt/QTrvfGSt">@Dropbox!</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Check out our <a data-mce-href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5Xl8BEB-Vs" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5Xl8BEB-Vs">Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Check out: <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/tim-freya-full-story-conclusion.html" href="http://janeygodley.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/tim-freya-full-story-conclusion.html">The saga of Tim and Freya</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">You can check out all our videos on: <a data-mce-href="http://www.youtube.com/user/janeygodley?feature=chclk" href="http://www.youtube.com/user/janeygodley?feature=chclk">YouTube</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Order “Handstands in the Dark” <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.com/merchandise.html" href="http://janeygodley.com/merchandise.html">Paper Back</a> or in <a data-mce-href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handstands-Dark-Growing-Survival-ebook/dp/B0060MB6K0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320227734&sr=1-1" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Handstands-Dark-Growing-Survival-ebook/dp/B0060MB6K0/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1320227734&sr=1-1">EBook</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">Please rate us or leave a comment on:<a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/" href="http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/" target="_blank"> PodOmatic</a>, <a data-mce-href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/janey-godleys-podcasts/id382676303" href="http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/janey-godleys-podcasts/id382676303" target="_blank">ITunes</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking <a data-mce-href="http://janeygodley.com/gigs.html" href="http://janeygodley.com/gigs.html">Gigs!</a></span><br />
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<span class="font-size-3">We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.</span><br />
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</div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03568430106911598373noreply@blogger.com0