Friday, December 30, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 77



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)


In episode 77 of Janey Godley's podcast the mother and daughter comedy twosome discuss their favourite things of 2011. Janey tells us her favourite moments in comedy, music and books and Ashley reveals her top movies, TV shows and music.


Ashley debates a suicide issue that was in the news and recalls her experience with a stalker. Janey gives us the rundown of her night performing comedy at Corntonvale Women's prison. Both podcasters reveal their favourite moments and regrets of the past year. The round up of podcast questions and Ashley's sexual encounters make it a memorable episode.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 77


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook


If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!  


I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 76


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)


In episode 76 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy duo tackle The Krankie’s penchant for swinging, Christmas songs and Ashley appearance on BBC 3 this week. Janey talks about her recent visit to Easterhouse in Glasgow and Ashley fears Terence the pillow will come to life.


Janey has a rant about foreign aid and poverty and Ashley is horrified at her mother’s lack of passion over racism in football. The chatty duo gives us some off key singing and some fun facts from around the globe. Merry Christmas.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 76


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!  


I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie. 

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Travel with my Bag


I was in London recently and just love getting time with my pals and catching up. Also getting the chance to do The Set List show at Soho theatre was just absolutely amazing. It’s a show where the minute you step onstage you are handed a piece of paper that tells you the subjects your gig will be based on. It’s a bit like jumping off a cliff naked in front of the people you desperately want to impress and have your period at the exact moment you bend your knees to leap off the edge. If you have ever had that dream you are naked and can’t use the buttons of a phone to get out of the street filled with people staring at you? Then that’s the feeling The Set List gives you and the only way out is to talk funny and make people laugh to get you out of the situation. I did it.




Monica my dear pal cheered and laughed all the way through and gave me a big hug as I walked off stage and thanks to Paul Provenza & the Set List team for the chance to do the show again.




I do love a walk down Oxford Street to see all the bright Christmas lights and look in the windows and feel that wonderful seasonal excitement. Though we don’t really do much Christmas stuff now that Ashley our daughter is a fully fledged adult- I do miss the feeling and get nostalgic at rosy cheeked kids in red mittens all giggling queuing up for Santa photos.




The other weird thing is when am doing Christmas comedy gigs, and the all jingle Christmas songs are on....I quickly realise that all these songs I was singing to in the 80s were out when most of the staff weren’t even alive. I am old. That’s official.




Christmas gigs can be notoriously difficult as people get raging drunk and have no interest in your funny stories....there is nothing better to bring down your comedy swaggering ego than to stand onstage and get whacked by a turkey breast on the shin bone as you almost reach a punch line.




Just a head’s up to people being dragged to a comedy night at Christmas party works night out, if you don’t like comedy and hate shutting up- just refuse to go and if you are a drunken person that hates comedy and likes throwing food? Please stay at home and whack yourself with a ham in private.




This time of year in Glasgow the drink and party season is in full swing, I watched two girls in astonishingly high platform shoes (that actually looked like surgical wear) hold onto each other trying to cross a road and fall like timber in front of moving cars.

Luckily they crawled onto the pavement dragging their Lulu Guinness bags and Jimmy Choo’s onto the vomit spewed pavement. One of them had a black hair piece that fell out and washed away in the gutter and she scrambled on bloodied knees trying to save it from going down the drain. Classy.




The other phenomenon on freezing winter nights in Scotland is the sheer amount of young men and women who refuse to wear a jacket, the two drunken girls I just mentioned were in thin shiny fabric off the shoulder dresses, it was 2 degrees below freezing in Glasgow. I don’t ever recall going out disco dancing in the late 70s and thinking “it’s snowing out there am going to find a sleeveless short dress and ditch my winter coat”.




Maybe I am old now and this is the way old people talk, but seeing young guys in thin tee shirts standing in the snow literally shivering and trembling with mild hypothermia makes me wonder- what makes them do that? Do you not get laid if you own a jacket nowadays? Is that a new code- wear a coat never get fucked? When did that happen?


My other bug bear is fragrance adverts on TV at this time, I really don’t understand them especially if you watch them with sound on mute. It basically is a woman in a torn billowing frock with smudged eye makeup running down an alley then caressing the bricks and staring into the distance- she looks sexually assaulted but then she sticks her fingers in her mouth and a cat jumps off a trash can and she stares at the moon and then clutches a bottle of perfume? What the fuck is that about?




So here we are almost at the end of the year and my blog is becoming more and more sporadic – I am feeling weird about life. Another year gone and I still don’t know where my career or life is going; shouldn’t I have all this shit figured out by now?


No is the answer, I don’t know much at all despite getting to this age. I only know when its cold- wear a jacket.

Travel with my Bag

I was in London recently and just love getting time
with my pals and catching up. Also getting the chance to do The Set List show
at Soho theatre was just absolutely amazing. It’s a show where the minute you
step onstage you are handed a piece of paper that tells you the subjects your
gig will be based on. It’s a bit like jumping off a cliff naked in front of the
people you desperately want to impress and have your period at the exact moment
you bend your knees to leap off the edge. If you have ever had that dream you
are naked and can’t use the buttons of a phone to get out of the street filled
with people staring at you? Then that’s the feeling The Set List gives you and
the only way out is to talk funny and make people laugh to get you out of the
situation. I did it.

Monica my dear pal cheered and laughed all the way
through and gave me a big hug as I walked off stage and thanks to Paul Provenza
& the Set List team for the chance to do the show again.

I do love a walk down Oxford Street to see all the
bright Christmas lights and look in the windows and feel that wonderful
seasonal excitement. Though we don’t really do much Christmas stuff now that
Ashley our daughter is a fully fledged adult- I do miss the feeling and get
nostalgic at rosy cheeked kids in red mittens all giggling queuing up for Santa
photos.

The other weird thing is when am doing Christmas
comedy gigs, and the all jingle Christmas songs are on....I quickly realise
that all these songs I was singing to in the 80s were out when most of the
staff weren’t even alive. I am old. That’s official.

Christmas gigs can be notoriously difficult as
people get raging drunk and have no interest in your funny stories....there is
nothing better to bring down your comedy swaggering ego than to stand onstage
and get whacked by a turkey breast on the shin bone as you almost reach a punch
line.

Just a head’s up to people being dragged to a comedy
night at Christmas party works night out, if you don’t like comedy and hate
shutting up- just refuse to go and if you are a drunken person that hates
comedy and likes throwing food? Please stay at home and whack yourself with a
ham in private.
This time of year in Glasgow the drink and party
season is in full swing, I watched two girls in astonishingly high platform
shoes (that actually looked like surgical wear) hold onto each other trying to
cross a road and fall like timber in front of moving cars.

Luckily they crawled onto the pavement dragging
their Lulu Guinness bags and Jimmy Choo’s onto the vomit spewed pavement. One
of them had a black hair piece that fell out and washed away in the gutter and
she scrambled on bloodied knees trying to save it from going down the drain.
Classy.

The other phenomenon on freezing winter nights in
Scotland is the sheer amount of young men and women who refuse to wear a
jacket, the two drunken girls I just mentioned were in thin shiny fabric off
the shoulder dresses, it was 2 degrees below freezing in Glasgow. I don’t ever
recall going out disco dancing in the late 70s and thinking “it’s snowing out
there am going to find a sleeveless short dress and ditch my winter coat”.

Maybe I am old now and this is the way old people
talk, but seeing young guys in thin tee shirts standing in the snow literally
shivering and trembling with mild hypothermia makes me wonder- what makes them
do that? Do you not get laid if you own a jacket nowadays? Is that a new code-
wear a coat never get fucked? When did that
happen?

My other bug bear is fragrance adverts on TV at this
time, I really don’t understand them especially if you watch them with sound on
mute. It basically is a woman in a torn billowing frock with smudged eye makeup
running down an alley then caressing the bricks and staring into the distance-
she looks sexually assaulted but then she sticks her fingers in her mouth and a
cat jumps off a trash can and she stares at the moon and then clutches a bottle
of perfume? What the fuck is that about?

So here we are almost at the end of the year and my
blog is becoming more and more sporadic – I am feeling weird about life.
Another year gone and I still don’t know where my career or life is going;
shouldn’t I have all this shit figured out by now?

No is the answer, I don’t know much at all despite
getting to this age. I only know when its cold- wear a jacket.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast "Episode 75"


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)


In episode 75 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss feminism, Russian boats and Ashley’s penchant for having sex in cars.


Janey debates the local news in Scotland about a man who threw another off a train and Ashley talks about her late Uncle from the Isle of Rothesay and his recent death. There are some fun weird facts, podcast questions from Facebook and twitter and Ashley sings her self- penned song ‘My Nips are like bullets’



Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 75


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook


If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!  


I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Friday, December 09, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 74”


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)



In episode 74 of Janey Godley’s podcast the chatty mother and daughter comedy duo discuss strikes in the UK, Paul McMullan the journalist and the viral video of the racist rant. Janey takes up the lead in ranting about the imminent conflict in Iran and Ashley is convinced George Michael is somehow linked.



Ashley speaks about the latest Muppet character which ends in tears as they discuss hunger in children. Podcast questions are answered and the TV show Deadliest Catch is fully explored.



Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.





You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!  



Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook



Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook



If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.





Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at:




I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Monday, December 05, 2011

Being Bullied By A Kids Charity Online

Employees use Registered Charities Twitter account to Bully.



(I deleted this earlier but read again as there are further kinks to this story especially at the end)


Last week I got into a robust twitter debate with a woman from http://www.mckeeconsultants.co.uk/  who specialise in diversity and equality. Anyway the lady online persistently demand that as she is a feminist she was entitled to know on why I openly use the word ‘cunt’ online. I told her that I didn't need to explain myself to her nor anyone and refused to justify my language. I then expressed how ironic it was that a feminist was demanding a woman explain her words. I refused to explain my motives to her and will always do so, as I don’t believe I should have to explain my vocabulary to anyone.


My twitter profile says “The most outspoken female stand up in Britain” (Daily Telegraph). I cannot give you the timeline of McKee Consultant’s tweets as she deleted the entire argument (such was her commitment to her own words), though I do have a screengrab of them. In the middle of this twitter debate a person from the charity Sky Project in Kilmarnock (they recently asked me to be a patron to their kids charity) added to the debate by saying  “You are a patron of our children’s charity. Would you say these words to our young people?”


I responded to Sky Project by saying something along the lines of “I don’t think coming online to question my motives is professional and I can always un-patron” I couldn’t understand why suddenly a charity I have been dealing with got into this twitter debate of the word ‘cunt’.


Firstly I felt Sky Project were questioning my ability to work with kids because I say ‘cunt’ (I have never put myself up as a child role model THEY asked me to be patron) and secondly why are they getting involved? Then I quickly realised that McKee Consultants and Sky Project are friends and contact each other regularly. Fine- I thought, she is sticking up for her pal McKee and now she has lost me as a patron. That’s what happens when you use a charity’s registered twitter feed to have a go at people, no big deal.


I opened my twitter a day later and there was a tweet from a children charity Hill House Care http://www.hillhousecare.org/ that said “Calling yourself a comedienne is an insult to all things funny, Call yourself a children’s role model? Hope not”


Now I was stunned, I genuinely don’t mind people calling me crap and unfunny, it happens a lot to be honest on twitter but for a registered charity to come online with this unprovoked attack annoyed me. Yet again it mentioned my ‘children’s role model’ (which I am not) and so a very short blast of past tweets revealed yet again that McKee Consultants, Sky Project and Hill House Care were all linked together and friends on and offline.


Then @hillhousecare1 deleted the offending tweet and sometime later spouted stuff about freedom of speech and then deleted that as well! (See a pattern emerging? Offensive tweets- delete-delete?) So there we have it, I got into a debate over the word cunt with a woman and her mates waded in under the guise of the charities they work for and had a go at me. My online friends all took exception to the tweets and many complained to Hill House Care and some of them were pretty verbal about a charity being used to slag me off.


So then Hill House Care and McKee consultants both claimed cyber bullying. (Sky Project who may have a more clever person working their social media apologised and backed off). To date Hill House Care has never apologised and both they and Mckee Consultants have deleted their tweets regarding me. Yes they did that old nugget of the passive/aggressive world of “we got into an argument, lost it and now claim aggression in our direction” how professional?


Again at this point I’d like to re-iterate that my anger is at the charities public accounts being used to insult me, not the insult itself. In terms of insults I’ve been called a lot worse… but never by an anonymous person hiding behind the guise of a children’s charity.


So the upshot is, I feel bullied by a children’s charity! I have written to Hill House Care and want their board of directors contact details as I believe the person reading my complaint might be the actual tweeter- so the best way to get to the bottom is to let the charity commission know that a charity is using its status to have a go at people.


By the way- Hill House Care claim on their website to be ‘Non Judgemental” and McKee Consutlants claim to promote “equality and diversity” I have NEVER claimed to be a child’s role model.


So after I posted this blog today I got an email from Mckee Consultants and apologising – which I accepted and I accepted the apology from The Sky project- as of yet I haven’t had an apology from the person who actually tweeted from Hill house care. The tweets all came from a mother, a sister and a daughter in the same family.


After I deleted the blog to let the dust settle on the issue I got an email from a journalist and school teacher called Douglas Bane who sent me an email titled “Scottish comedian forces children's charity to close because they said she wasn't funny”.


He went on to do a hatchet job on my character BUT went onto paint the women who wrote the tweets in such a naive, innocent way and it emerges I am the woman who is singlehandedly getting the charity shut down- in fact he makes it seem, it was always my sole intention- here is an excerpt of his email about me- the one he intends to get published.


"The attempt to smooth ruffled feathers came too late. By this time some of Janey’s followers had taken up the story and were spreading her “horrific personal abuse” version.


Unaware of the full story and unwilling to trawl through the archives, two board members of the second charity, resigned at the weekend. The Scottish Council for Voluntary Organisations withdrew its support. Prospective funders have pulled out. As I said, Janey has influence"


Now I have never contacted anyone regards getting the funding cut and those who know me, know this would hurt my soul.


So I sent a statement to the journalist who strangely gave me the offer to change the end of the story and the headline to "Janey Godley steps in to save struggling children's charity"


So I spoke to the woman from The Sky Project who in fact is the least of all offenders in this weird story, she apologised last week after her slightly hurtful tweet and it turns out she knows Douglas Bane the journalist and in fact they used to be in a relationship together.


She asked him to ‘help’ and his way of helping was to threaten me with a rotten unbalanced article about me. He is also a physics teacher and works in education!


I feel his part in this was to put the ‘frighteners’ on me and hope that I would back down and delete my blog. Well Douglas you obviously don’t know me well enough and if anyone else in the press wants to pick up on this wee debacle of story do let me know. BTW I am still getting emails accusing me of trying to 'break people' instead of 'letting this go'. They somehow have become the victims and I am the bad witch.


Sometimes the word cunt doesn’t quite get across what I mean today.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 73”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 73 of Janey Godley’s podcast the chatty mother and daughter comedy duo discuss strikes in the UK, Paul McMullan the journalist and the viral video of the racist rant. Janey takes up the lead in ranting about the imminent conflict in Iran and Ashley is convinced George Michael is somehow linked.

Ashley speaks about the latest Muppet character which ends in tears as they discuss hunger in children. Podcast questions are answered and the TV show Deadliest Catch is fully explored.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 73

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 72”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 72 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the comedy mother and daughter team chew the fat over The Leveson Inquiry which deals with press invasion, Fatima Whitbread’s appearance on I’m a Celebrity reality show and The TV phenomenon Mrs Browns Boys. Ashley has some fascinating stories about a rapey ghost, an ashamed burglar and a satanic date gone wrong.

The Bold Alec does Mills and Boon, Salam Rushdie gets a lambasting and Terence the man pillow gets a mention. Janey and Ashley answer the many podcast questions and Janey gives us an insight to her performance at the recent Children in Need.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 72

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 71”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 71 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the mother and daughter duo is short a mother, as Janey is in London. She is replaced in this episode by former guest, the middle class candle stick heiress Victoria Barnet. The ladies get to chatting about all sorts including a Russian body snatcher, a group of American hip hop dancing sleeper agents and whether or not they would grow extra limbs for each other.

With Janey missing she takes quite a slagging, her toilet troubles get discussed as does her foray into moustache growing. All this plus Victoria describes her father’s bizarre antics and gives her honest and refreshing views of the world around her.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 71

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

It's 1975 again

I love Glasgow and I adore it at this time of year when my dear green place becomes awash with russets, browns and burgundy, when all the trees decide to go on the ‘turn’. So on Saturday I headed into to town to look at clothes in fashionable shops that I can’t wear (they never look right on me) and look at coats that make my small dumpy frame look like a Hitler’s youth camp leader.

So I sauntered into my local underground tube station at Georges Cross and pulled out some change for the automated ticket machine. The 20p coin kept falling right through and finally after four attempts I gave up. I shook my head and huffed as I walked towards the ticket booth and the wee older man behind the counter said “just as well your head is attached to your neck or it would have fallen off shaking it so much at the machine, I bet you if I went to the machine I could make it work. Must be because you are a woman”

I stared at him in astonishment and simply said “A single please?” and imagined what it must be like to work with men who still think it’s 1975, the Bay City Rollers are number one and it’s ok to make mother in law fat jokes and call women ‘fat cows’.

He held onto to my ticket and repeated “must be a woman thing” and sniggered at me. Now normally I would verbally erase his damp polystyrene personality but I merely said “That’s sexist, can you please just give me my ticket?” and then took it and headed down the escalator quite calmly, because I know the best way to deal with this. I twittered it. I found the Glasgow Subway on twitter and included them in the whole debate.

Now I am dealing with the complaint professionally and can then publish the emails online and let everyone know what happened. That’s what I love about twitter and the internet. We no longer deal with shit like this alone, we can include our small world of followers on the ups and down of the service we receive and create a stooshy (Scottish word for trouble) very publicly.

A few folk have told me as comedian I should have had a sense of humour about the wee old man who is sexist and I did think about that, but then I recalled a good few young men and women work in that booth and imagine the shit he comes out with and they might not have the balls to deal with him. Maybe they wait for the day when the public finally snap and report him, well I just did. The Glasgow Subway people replied to my tweet and are dealing with it as we speak.

So now am in London where the autumnal carpet is gathering and my favourite view across the Thames looking down towards Westminster looks glorious in the late winter sun. Am staying with my mate is just back from New York and has no provisions in the flat but has a glut of ‘organic cleansing bark tree root’ and ‘virgin coconut oil’ and some dried garlic bulbs. Luckily in my bag I had a banana which to me is the world best fast food and can be carried in a handbag until a food emergency rears its head.

I believe that people who don’t have at least a brown loaf in the freezer or some cheese in a fridge must be subjected to getting their tits rammed in a door repeatedly until they remember for future. Of course am joking....I off to the local shops to get some breakfast meats and wish it was 1975 again, as I would buy some cheese crispy pancakes and settle down to watch SwapShop and hope David Essex will come on live and talk cockney. I would pull on my size 10 tight ribbed polo neck and stroke the flat area where gigantic breasts will eventually grow and shake my snakelike hips to the Bay City Rollers and wonder if one day I will marry Donny Osmond. 1975 you were good to me.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 70”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 70 of Janey Godley’s podcast – Ashley and Janey get sexy talk on the agenda this week. Terence the man pillow seems to be a favourite with the listeners and we get down and dirty about his recent state.

Ashley tells us what single white women with a degree should avoid and Janey gives us a Bold Alec blast. The duo discusses the future of a relationship for Ashley and what qualities that man might have. Occupy Glasgow, Frankie Cocozza and I’m a Celebrity get debated throughout the podcast.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 70

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Monday, November 07, 2011

What is wrong with me?

“Don’t touch my leg” I moaned to Ashley as she tried to get me off the couch. I have a sore upper bum check and lower leg, I also have a lumpy tender patch under my right ribcage and my left arm aches. I am finally an old woman who hobbles off the sofa in a queer shape like I am trying to do the ‘Lobster’ from Little Mermaid. I hate being stiff and sore. I worry.

I don’t want to be old, I hate seeing the upper inside flabby bits of my arms, my belly is softer than freshly kneaded dough and my thighs wobble. When did I become this old woman? Am a bit stressed with the pains and have had blood tests done and this weekend I get my organs scanned. I have never been ill really in my life, but my brother died 10 months ago and I know he was a long term drug user and had HIV but I still think “what if he had something hereditary and I have it now?” I am a drama queen eh? Maybe am just fat?

Then after worrying needlessly I look around the world and realise people are living with drone planes bombing their kids, folk in Palestine are living in a illegal ghetto created for them by people who used to hate ghetto’s and Greece is struggling under an economic crisis. I need to shut up and deal with the tiny shit that happens in life eh? Then I worry how will Adele write another album unless some man fucks her about again and should we wish that on her for the sake of some nice music?

Husband is being stoic and helpful as I worry about dying and whisper to him at 4am “if I die will you make sure my dad is ok and Ashley doesn’t cry her life away and gets on her feet and please don’t let them play shit music at my funeral and I don’t want anyone but Ashley to speak as she is better at that” then I go quiet and add “I don’t want dressed in my wedding dress when I die” Husband held me tight and whispered “don’t think you will fit into that dress now and I don’t think a sore leg means you are dying, shut up and get your elbow off my arm you are hurting it”

Ashley and I are gearing up for Christmas – I say that – like we have big plans, husband doesn’t like Christmas and we have the ‘tree’ fight every year. He has decided that I take parts of the fake tree and leave them out so the tree year by year is getting thinner and decidedly smaller and lopsided. Last year I didn’t even bother putting it up as he merely offered me a single branch of the tree to decorate and sellotape to the skirting board. This year I might pull the whole shebang out and go crazy with lights and decorate it. It might be my last one if my illness’s engulf me (drama queen again?).

If you are reading this in UK and know what the LIDL shop is then you will be excited as me about their Christmas selection! If you are outside Europe and UK the LIDL is a supermarket with heaps of interesting food and goods and they are really cheap.

I love the weird seasonal decorations, skiing equipment and three bird roast on offer. Firstly if you ski you won’t really shop at the LIDL will you? I get the feeling the LIDL isn’t full of middle class people carousing the aisles for their organic wheatgrass drinks...do you? During the summer the LIDL sold blow up boats and horse blankets and equestrian goods! Who goes to the LIDL for Satsuma’s and pony trekking stuff?

Anyway I get all my blood results and will tell you how my scan went and keep you updated. Meanwhile am off to the Blythswood Hotel in Glasgow to meet my pals, they haven’t been and am excited about showing it off. I love it. Might just stay there for Christmas and give the cooking and kitchen a break!

Saturday, November 05, 2011

Take me from behind

“Just grab the rope and make it look like you are dragging the chef’s with you” the photographer shouted. One chef shouted over the photographers voice “It looks like we are all taking you from behind” that made me laugh as I looked round and had a bunch of men and one woman behind me in a uncomfortable clutch, who were almost on top of me.

I was doing a photo shoot for Action for Children where I apparently kidnapped chefs in Edinburgh and dragged them to the City Chambers and held them hostage. To be honest if I was going to kidnap a bunch of men and hold them in a room, the last people I would take are chefs. They are all a bunch of needy egotistical nutters who claim what they do is art....much like comedians to be honest. If I had a choice I would kidnap feeble minded sexy male models, which were easily swayed with glittery objects.

Mind you the chef guys were lovely and very loud and on the phones demanding people give them money to secure their release and we ended up raising over four thousand pounds for charity. This was awesome all round- so well done people!

Been gigging around the place, had a great show last night at Glasgow Jongleurs where a man came up after the show and said “My wife screamed with laughter, she normally hates female comics and was annoyed that a woman was closing the show as as they are all about the fanny, fat and food jokes. We saw a few shit women comics lately onstage and on TV but she loved you”

I stared at the guy and wanted to bite his face. I don’t want to hear that, so women come to comedy gigs and if they hate women comics but are willing to give them a wee chance – that makes them generous? Men don’t get judged if other men had bombed onstage, men get heaps of chances. But one woman is duff onstage and that’s it...all women are shit comics? Go fuck yourself lady I want the laughter back that I gave you!

I am not going into that debate again, we all know how I feel about the plight of the female comic but fucksake I have talked it to death.

Just as I was leaving the club a guy said “We don’t expect a woman to be the headline act amongst the men but you were good” I stared at him smiled and said “Am not a comedian am just an over friendly cleaner who wandered in and they gave me a go at it” I wrapped my coat tighter round me and stomped off. How can a compliment feel like an insult?

The world is going a bit fuckety lately – we have the in the UK reports that we might start to bomb Iran...now just a heads up, I don’t think we should mainly because that leader has a distinct flinty look in his eyes and secondly they have nuclear weapons. Am just saying unless we have James Bond or the A Team we should leave well alone. I am sick of the UK getting involved in other people’s business under the guise of ‘we are there to protect the innocent and trodden on’ evidently not in countries that have fuck all but a dust bowl for natural resources or we would be helping many more oppressed people in the world.

Greece is collapsing under financial stress and the head of the borders in UK has been suspended for not checking everyone coming through airport customs....let me tell you he checked me every time and almost had a look up my vag for extra sureness. I don’t know what days the UK airport security was being relaxed but it wasn’t any of the days I flew! So we now have too many immigrants unchecked and unaccountable which made the red top newspaper piss themselves with excitement at the headline opportunities.

And on the showbiz front we had an outcry of public disdain that some Kardashian woman got married for publicity and attention....we had that back in 1981 when Prince Charles married a shy blonde bobbed curvy virgin called Diana. Except we paid for that sham of a wedding and she ended up fucking the family off and got topped in a tunnel. Maybe if a Kardashian got rammed by a white Fiat Uno and some paparazzi bikers am happy to start watching the show. Until then people you get the TV you deserve!

And apparently Justin Beiber fathered a baby after a backstage bang, seriously why is this story running? A DNA test usually brings this shit to an abrupt halt and to be honest I don’t think the Beiber even has sperm come out of his tiny Toot-toot penis, I think when he has a wee orgasm glitter and My Little Pony stickers fly out of his baby cock. That and the smell of talcum? Agree?

So some news- firstly our podcast is breaking all sorts of previously held spots in the podcast charts and we are into episode 69- if you want to check it out go to janeygodley.com and check out the front page for details and you will also see details of my autobiography which is finally coming out in E Book form at end of November!

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 69”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 69 of Janey Godley’s podcast the argumentative comedy twosome get to grips with the latest online gossip. They debate Justin Beiber’s baby, Liz Jones of the Daily Mail’s sperm stealing and JJ Abrams version of Star Trek.

Ashley rants loudly and venomously over her defence of the Star Trek franchise and Janey gives us all a blast of The Bold Alec. Ashley does some funny voices in the style of ‘Desperate Housewives of...’ and Janey quizzes Ashley on her secret love of Terence and why he is slowly dying in her bed

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 69

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Big Catch up Blog

Have you ever woke up at 4am and realised your skin is swelling up? No? Good on you, coz that’s how I woke up early this morning. Seems prawns really hate me and every time I eat one they squirt some liquid into my blood stream that am allergic to. I know you are thinking, why eat them if you have an allergy to them, but it’s doesn’t happen everytime. It like playing Russian roulette stir fry, but it happens so infrequent I thought I could get away with it. AND it isn’t always prawns! I can eat any fish and get this weird reaction.

So I ended up getting driven through the empty streets of Glasgow as my mouth went fat and thick with swelling. Husband simply kept calm and managed to slip through a stream of green lights as if the traffic gods were on our side and waved us through the worrying journey. Me and my husband couldn’t look at each other in case I saw the fear on his face as he saw the swelling on mine. Good news, I am fine, I got treated and it all calmed down.

So been a long time since I blogged, lots has happened, for instance Gadaffi got killed and we all had to look at his dead body on constant news streams, The OCCUPY movement has gone global. People in over a 100 major cities have started camping out in the streets to show their anger at greedy bankers and the 99% of people affected by the financial downturn. We have an OCCUPY in Glasgow but unlike other cities we had a sexual assault at ours. To make matters worse we also had a suspected homophobic attack on a young man in east Ayrshire where he was beaten and burned to death. Sometimes I feel like the people of my thriving exciting country are going backwards instead of forwards.

Don’t get me wrong Scotland is a vibrant exciting country but sometimes it feels like we harbour and nurture things like homophobia and sectarian hatred- we still have an 80% rise in domestic abuse on the day when Rangers football team play their rival Celtic. Can you believe that families sit in fear of their loved ones who are coming home from a football match in Glasgow? Families still batter religious hatred into their kids, I know- I was told to hate Catholics when I was younger, but I married one instead.

Homophobia is still a dirty cancer on our modern society, people still raise kids with spitting hatred and deep seated prejudice against the gay community, and let’s not kid ourselves, religious bashing alongside to reinforce that theory doesn’t help.

People have said to me “Would you care if Ashley was gay” and the answer is – yes I would care because I worry how she would be treated by others, but not care about her sexuality in itself.

I worry that the next generation of my family, i.e. Great nieces and nephews might have to come out as gay and how they will be treated in a Scotland of the future.

Having said that – a big salute to the many families who raise their kids up to believe religion, creed, colour and sexuality mean nothing as long as you have respect for each other. My nice Ann Margaret has three kids whom I totally adore, aged 5 8 and 14 and all three are brought up to discuss what ‘gay’ is and explore why some hate black people and basic world politics and religion. It isn’t that hard to make sure when you speak to young kids that they know you don’t hate the world and the other inhabitants who are different from you.

Those kids are even encouraged to touch spiders and not kill anything in nature, we are not religious but we don’t want them growing up haters. It isn’t that hard to do.

So now am feeling better and my skin fits me again, please do check out our podcast on janeygodley.com .

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 68”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 68 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the chatty comedy duo get their teeth into some heavy subjects. Ricky Gervais and his controversial use of a word get a going over and the ensuing debate and fall out of the issue in the press this week are discussed.

Ashley explains the delights of the new TV show Educating Essex and Janey talks about the Occupy movement that is currently sweeping cities across the globe. Ashley gives us some weird and wonderful stories and we get podcast questions from the web, Ashley closes the podcast with tales of her queer scary dreams.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 68

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 67”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 67 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the chatty comedy duo get their teeth into some heavy subjects. Ricky Gervais and his controversial use of a word get a going over and the ensuing debate and fall out of the issue in the press this week are discussed.

Ashley explains the delights of the new TV show Educating Essex and Janey talks about the Occupy movement that is currently sweeping cities across the globe. Ashley gives us some weird and wonderful stories and we get podcast questions from the web, Ashley closes the podcast with tales of her queer scary dreams.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 67

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 66”

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 66 of Janey Godley’s Podcast the chatty twosome get into some Liam Fox baiting and try to make sense of the latest political quagmire surrounding his extensive lies. Ashley goes hell for leather on Matt Cardle, Gary Linekar and his glamorous wife whilst Janey tells us how Noel Gallagher makes sense for a change.

The comedy duo talks about Michael Jackson’s ongoing trial and try to make sense of the tribute for him last week in Cardiff. Ashley plays her latest ‘guess what’s not true’ and Janey talks about her new found fame at Blackpool’s comedy carpet. This week’s restaurant review is of The Crabshakk in Glasgow.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 66

Monday, October 10, 2011

Life as I know it indeed

Husband has Aspergers, everyone knows this and some people are interested in how it affects our marriage and life, if you are one of those people then here’s a thing- if I say something pretty innocuous like “oh look that couple across the road have painted their door”

He will look at me with a weary look and say “It was me who told you about that painted door about a week ago” I look at him and reply “I don’t recall you telling me the people have painted their door, I have just noticed it now, does it matter who knew first? Am just remarking on a thing my two eye balls spotted!”

He stares at me as if I am mad, what would make me think he would let this go? He obviously told me about that painted door last week and to prove that he barks “You and Ashley were on the couch, you were wearing a towel on your head and Ashley was painting her toenails and I said to you both 'The people across the car park have painted their door' it was me who told you this, not you telling me about the door just now, as if I didn’t know about it" I stared blankly at his commitment to this dull uneventful subject.

He then recreated the scene of him telling me about the painted door like a forensic scientist, painstakingly revealing each step of the situation where we were what we were doing when he told us about the amazing painted door. I am surprised he didnt have an overhead projector and slide show of evidence. He was staring at me with agog eyeballs at my forgetful stupidity- how can I not recall where I was when he was telling me important door painting information.

I now hate the painted door and resolve to say in future “That’s right you did tell me about that painted door, why would I mention it as if you knew nothing about it, am nought but a fool?”

These tiny tics in his personality can drive me mad- that and his need to be the original source of any information I have gathered or recently stored in my brain makes me grabby for blunt instruments. The upside is I understand that it is Aspergers that makes him constantly fixate on some daft wee things, that aren’t daft to him but annoying to us.

Having said that I think we all have a wee bit of Aspergers in our psyche, don’t you?
I just hear the words Michael Jackson or Polanski and I am on twitter and facebook getting my dander right up and slightly foamy at the side of my mouth, repeating myself over and over again.

Then again why can we accept that Michael Jackson was an alleged child abuser, yet allowed to get some mates sperm inserted into white women so he can create white children for his own amusement? No social services get in the way? Makes me sick!

My other mildly Aspergers trait is counting steps onstage all across the country/globe and then trying to recall them at a moment’s notice – Nottingham = 3 Glasgow = 2 etc...You get what I mean? Well, I have in my head the number of steps up to the main stage of almost every gig I have ever played worldwide. That’s fucked isn’t it? I don’t think I have any right to talk about husband when I am clearly nuts myself!

I actually said out loud last night to husband “Did you know there are fourteen steps up to the stage area at Brighton Dome” he looked at me and said “It was me that told you that”

He hasn’t been to Brighton Dome, I whipped my head round getting ready to throw this information into his face and he was already laughing at me with a cheeky wink.

Thursday, October 06, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 65”



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)



In episode 65 of Janey Godley’s podcast, the chatty duo tackles the latest controversy of Johnny Depp’s ‘Rape’ comments, Jodie Marsh’s body building and Ashton Kutcher’s shenanigans. Ashley gives us some more weird and wonderful facts, and gets Janey to ‘Guess the true story’ and The Bold Alec makes a quick appearance.



Ashalina our American cousin gives us a roundup of the TV pilots in this seasons US schedule. Snoop Dog and his Welsh gardening video make for good chat and Ashley admits to dressing up for men in space wear.



You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!



Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook



If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donating via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.



Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 65

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Stuff me and my daughter have learned

Stuff me and my daughter have learned




Things I have learned in my life- by Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie- below is a list of things my daughter Ashley and I compiled for your perusal, we have travelled around the world a bit and seen some stuff and shared some experiences and this is our list. Enjoy.



1. Screaming at toddlers when they fall doesn’t stop them crying or bleeding.



2. Asking loud drunk people to be quiet on the train makes them want to hit you.





3. Hugging rabbit’s really tightly kills them.



4. Telling a small girl about age four not to repeat the words Fucksake doesn’t work, she will repeat those words and usually in front of the one begging nun that stands outside a shop.





5. Hoping that the spot on your nose will disappear in time for a photo shoot.



6. Assuming middle class people to be well behaved drunks at a comedy night (they are worse, that self centred sense of entitlement makes them horrible).





7. You don’t have to be white to be racist.



8. False eyelashes rip your own eyelashes out, now you have two problems.





9. Spot cream does kill spots and unfortunately all the skin surrounding the spot way after the spot has faded.



10. Sanitary towels are designed to fold over accidentally and then stick to your pubic hair and rip it out when you pull down your knickers, it’s just in case you aren’t in enough pain already.





11. Walter Matthau and Saddam Hussein is not the same person, never get them mixed up in the picture round of a pub quiz.



12. Crotch less pants are just damaged goods.





13. If you pronounce the word VAGINA with an ‘F’ at the start instead of a ‘V’ it makes it ten times funnier.



14. Standing on stage screaming about a woman that hurt you in a monotone voice doesn’t make you a comedian, even if your drunk pals, told you it was ‘ridonkilously great’





15. Being Jewish/Muslim/Christian/Scientologist doesn’t mean you are right.



16. Never have sex on your friends suede couch...just don’t.





17. Screaming drunken football chants doesn’t make random strangers like your team.



18. Buy hotel internet, its expensive, but then claim it didn’t work and demand a refund- they can’t prove otherwise.





19. Cough loudly and in a sick manner, sweat profusely and moan when on any form of transport to ensure solitary seats, don’t overdo it or they think you have swine flu and don’t let you travel.



20. When on a busy train platform talk to people and create an allegiance so that when crowd surges forward you as a group can get seats for each other.





21. Hide a child’s favourite toy and pretend it went away and it won’t return till they eat cauliflower.



22. Always fart in the bank queue- no reason just do it.





23. If a man comes onto you and you don’t want to hurt their feelings because you don’t fancy them, tell them you are into fuzzy humping (dressing as animals and fucking) or tell them you like sex and pain on a daily basis. That usually works for me (Ashley Storrie).



24. If you hate cooking and people keep talking about recipes and a good idea for a quiche blurt out you can’t have children and are barren now, to get them off the subject.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast “Episode 64”


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 64 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy capers are cranked up when Ashley and Janey try their hand at a ‘panel show’ themed podcast. Turns out Janey cannot do the musical intro game no matter how hard she tries whilst Ashley is an expert.


The Bold Alec makes a brief appearance; Frank Skinner gets a battering from Ashley, Polanski, Michael Jackson and the other convicted paedophile Chris Langham gets a lashing from Janey. Ashley gives us some fun weird facts and we discover that singing like cats isn’t really a talent.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!



Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook



Please Help Janey Godley raise just £500 for Action for Children and raise awareness for the charity: http://www.justgiving.com/Janey-Godley



Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 64


Monday, September 26, 2011

Time reminds me



You know how when you think back to something...maybe a few years ago and you recall the night you are thinking of in acute detail and you laugh and then you realise it was 15 years ago and not 2009? Yes...thats happening to me – in my mind’s eye I see that am wearing a black velvet long shirt top, tan leggings and ankle boots and dancing with Ashley who barely reaches my chin...that was a long time ago.



Time does go fast doesn’t it? Fuck I am 50 years old...how did that happen? It was only a few years ago I was thinking about becoming a comedian...wasn’t it? No – it was years ago. I remember the first night the TV show Friends came on, don’t you? I remember ER was on at same time and suddenly here were shows that were funny, with snappy sharp dialogue and George Clooney looking sultry was introduced to our world. Just then Oasis smashed the charts and we all wanted to be in London wearing parkas looking moody and being Liam Gallagher’s girlfriend...it was like the 60s all over. Those days are gone, we suspect Clooney might like being single for various reasons and I have met the Gallaher guys - they are ...ok and am old now, so are they and a parka looks like pensioner winter wear. I suspect me and Liam Gallagher both make grunting noises getting off a sofa and even he has started plumping cushions when nobody is looking.



In 95 comedy in Edinburgh was all new to me, I recall me and Johnny Vegas catching a ride together to the Gilded Balloon comedy venue trying out for the latest comedy competition. Johnny was my pal and lived in Glasgow. The fringe looked so huge, over whelming and out of my reach and I didn’t know then I would eventually do 14 shows (sometimes 3 a day) in ten consecutive years at Fringe. I didn’t know I would get to 50 and be this tubby round the middle, I can’t believe my boobs are so huge and I have an actual moustache that could be combed if I let it grow.



Did you know the guy who played Luke Skywalker is 60 and sexy 70s heart throb Scott Baio is older than me? Yes- Chachi from Happy Days has white pubic hair...If I am getting the sneaky odd one then so is he. Scary isn’t it, have you seen David Cassidy? He looks like a craggy weather beaten chamois leather cloth; I used to kiss his poster when his skin still fitted him.



I don’t mind being old, this blog isn’t about being old, it’s about forgetting how long ago- the long ago actually was. Do you meet people you went to school with, stare at them and think “fucking hell she is ancient looking” not knowing that she is looking at you thinking “fuck I hope my face isn’t as bad as hers” yes...that happens.



So am still doing stand up, the job isn’t hard at my age, but like the old hooker says “it’s not the job....it’s the stairs” Am off to wax my moustache.





Thursday, September 22, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 63

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)


In episode 63 of Janey Godley’s podcast this week is dominated by Ashley’s illness- she has tonsillitis and can hardly speak.





The comedy duo go into a debate about the ongoing controversy of the special needs woman Ceri Reese on last week’s X Factor in the UK, kids doing cage fighting gets the once over and then Janey tells stories from her childhood and talks about the Roma homeless in central Glasgow. The Burkha ban in France gets the ladies ranting and Dublin is the city of the week.



Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.





Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 63





Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 62



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)



In episode 62 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy dazzling duo debate the power of the police, the persistence of Ashley’s kissing habits and Janey’s lack of mothering skills and beauty tips. Ashley opens up the subject of bush trimming and Janey creates a new fashion for curly pubes that beats vajazzling!





Janey questions Victoria Beckham’s ability to carry her own child in platform shoes then goes into rants about screaming people in city centres. Ashley answers the slew of podcast questions and gives up her weird stories of the week, one which is a truly bizarre tale of revenge from Russia. Well worth a listen.





Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.





Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 62







Monday, September 12, 2011

Nothing to do with 9/11

I was in Leeds last weekend working at a comedy club incidentally Leeds is apparently the hotbed of Islamic fundamentalism...who knew? All I saw was a typical English town and a few nice art galleries, there were no men in long beards burning flags or strapping bombs and running through woods, then again I always miss the action so what the hell do I know?

I tell you what Leeds does have and to me this is a new phenomenon- and it’s happening more in major towns across the UK and makes you kind of want to own an AK47 and go crazy....its drunken screaming at night. I am not talking about three people having a sing song and believe me I am from Glasgow the city of madness, religious hatred and angry football violence, I know a mental city when I see one and I know what they sound like.

Leeds, Newcastle, Nottingham, Cardiff and like minded cities on late night weekends are just full of drunken people walking about screaming, eating and trying to not walk into moving cars.

It’s as if some fucked up psychotic film director is standing atop a Victorian monument and persuading the crowds of young people to squeal till their throats bleed. Alcohol is the main factor and possibly an overload of processed meats mixed with a glut of ‘express yourself go girlfriend’ loud stupid TV shows. After the gig I walk back to a city centre hotel and literally have to dodge through the screaming fuck wits like a light footed first league footballer. They stand in crowds just simply screaming, arguing and yelling unintelligible shit, some of them fall and burst open their heads and some women prefer standing in city bus shelters and yell at full pitch, so the loud noise resonates through the glass walls and makes the fillings in your back teeth pierce and rattle. There are urban foxes somewhere begging for silence, I blame the human attacks from feral animals on this late night caterwauling. The animals deserve their revenge is all am saying.

I don’t recall screaming when I was younger growing up in Glasgow and I will tell you why.

In Glasgow if you screamed in the street and it wasn’t the result of violence or sudden death and you startled people....They would inflict violence on you for scaring them. You have to have good valid reason for making that noise and it better be good. Other than that we tolerate the odd singing gang of drunks heading down the street but just barely.

In my city streets we get loud teams of shouty wankers during football or marching season. (Marching season is when The Orange walk come through town and sing songs about not liking other Christians- look it up if you don’t understand, it’s called sectarianism and has nothing to do with secretaries) anyway we have our share of shouters but nothing on the scale of English cities that are destinations towns for party/stag and hen weekends.

The worst part is trying to sleep in a city centre hotel. The noise levels can be horrific and that’s when you wish you had the gun. You know that one woman screeching “Stevie” at 3am on the street corner for about an hour? She would be in my sights and you know those loud girls in pink glittery pink cowboy hats singing “Here come the girls?” down the hotel corridor? They would be splattered as I went trigger happy.

I would take those fuckers out along with the fat baldy checked-shirted- bedecked kebab fingering hotel door kicking men with one rat-a-tat with my big angry gun and happily suffer the consequences.

Okay, am exaggerating and glorifying violence but if they think it’s all right to trap me in a lift and suggest I would like a gang bang in their room then I can think about them dying in a hotel corridor as I run about like something from a menopausal version of Black Ops with my control pants full of weaponry.

Anyway violence is bad but when did adults start running about city streets yelling through big angry mouths? I don’t recall getting the twat memo that says- stop being a responsible adult with a full time job, get badly dressed in mad made fibres and go shout at cars in a strange city- did you get that memo?

It’s becoming the blight of my life. I love comedy and I don’t mind the shouters in the comedy club because I can control them, it’s when I just put my head down to sleep that the madness really kicks in every Friday and Saturday night and doesn’t calm till about 4am.

Bars in these towns advertise that you get drunk as much as you possibly can for as little cash as possible and then they let you stagger out into their granite towns to hit the statuesque squares with your own brand of pissing, vomiting and screaming at stone lions and cenotaphs. The dead soldiers of world wars would be horrified if they could see what happens above ground but then again isn’t this the freedom that they fought for? People died in the trenches so generations down the line could drunkenly scream at their monuments in the moonlight whilst full of cheap cider.

In retrospect writing this has made me realise maybe our culture of drunken screaming does help blow off steam and lets the society feel less intense within itself....what’s the opposite? Religious, pious rule makers taking over and shutting everyone up....no, I think the answer is earplugs and tolerance. Peace out.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 61


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 61 of Janey Godley’s podcast the argumentative duo debate the serious issue of the Twin Tower attacks on 9/11 in New York. Janey gives us a rundown of her week which includes getting stung by a wasp and getting caught topless at the window at 3am. Ashley lets us into her weird world of strange websites, funny stories around the globe and vagina cramps.


The pair have a go at making up Daily Mail fake headlines and Janey discovers she can make her breast into the shape of a famous man’s face. There are questions answered, arguments further inflamed and some nominal name dropping as the mother and daughter batter out their thoughts for podcast listeners.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 61

Sunday, September 04, 2011

Stings and Things



Few things make me feel tiny and sad and hearing my dad tell me he tried to go to the Transport museum on his own this morning is one of those things. He got on a bus to Georges Square in Glasgow to catch a bus to the museum, but there was a marathon race on in the city centre and he got overwhelmed with the crowds and just headed home. The thought of him being pushed about in crowds and feeling vulnerable makes me feel deeply scared for him.



It makes me sad; because he wanted to go somewhere and at almost 80 years old he didn’t bother asking me and tried to go on his own. He was heading somewhere where there were heaps of families all milling around and he would be that one wee man on his own. Why didn’t I think to ask him? Why did I sleep to midday and not notice his loneliness? I hate feeling like this, this guilt and stupidity when in actual fact he likes going places on his own and feels independent. Having an elderly parent is amazing and also a blessing but don’t get me wrong but I always worry he will die the minute I step on a plane to another country. Paranoid and negative I know, but I also know am not alone with this worry, I have heard other people with elderly parents say the same thing. I just say aloud on here.



Yet I always feel I should be doing more, since my step mum died over two years ago he has been doing well, and he doesn’t want me to feel like I need to look after him.



Still imagine you were at the transport museum and saw a wee man in a beige jacket with a slight limp and a skip hat walking round alone, would you look at him and think ‘that’s a shame he is on his own, where is his family?’ or would think ‘look that wee man does things himself?’ I don’t know but it makes me feel sad that I wasn’t there to help him today.



I was asleep after being up half the night as I got stung with a wasp on the ankle that sneaked into my bed at 3am. All those years of avoiding wasps and screaming through worldwide parkland areas to get away from the dreaded sting and the thing finally got me at my weakest, asleep and tucked up in bed. How did a wasp get under my duvet? Why?



So now am all healed up after my screaming fit in the middle of the night (I am sure the neighbours think am a battered wife) I am going to organise a trip for dad out to the transport museum. In fact, I am signing off this blog and going up to see him now.




Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 60


(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 60 of Janey Godley’s podcast the chatty duo take on Wotton Bassett and their thoughts on grief tourism; they debate the real issues behind propaganda and the war. Ashley gives us some creepy real life facts of strange couples and Janey name drops Bill Murray and explains her special dance moves.


The comedy duo discusses their favourite moments of Celeb Big Brother and debate the validity of vacuous famous people of no real talent. Ashley tells the horrific story of a child who gets turned into a yam and then gets into the heavy subject of how she lost her faith after watching a movie about the mass illegal deportation of children- all of this plus the tale of the multi genitaled couple.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Please do listen and comment on the Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 60




Sunday, August 28, 2011

Stuff and words


Just back from London and I have to say I love the Soho Theatre more than ever, now it has moved downstairs to the cabaret space. I did miss Edinburgh Fringe which I unexpectedly fell in love with all over again by NOT doing a one woman show. I am sure I have bored you all about my happy time at Edinburgh.

London was buzzing last week and I did miss all my comedy buddies and the vibe of the fringe, but I do also adore Soho and its unique blend of madness. I saw my favourite transvestite, the man who dresses as a milk maid on Saturday but is a traffic warden during the week.

The past week in London was cracking fun, me and my pal Shirley caught up with my dear pal Monica and all my circle of pals in my fav city. The last night of Soho run I ended up partying very late and managed a disco night which included some awesome dancing with Bill Murray my favourite American actor – I know how bizarre? He was charming and a pretty good mover!

I also met an awesome wee guy called Starbuck Coleman who works for an MP and who carried a book called CHAVS and who was passionate about how the working classes are demonised by the word. He was so lovely, posh and so caring and was everything the name Starbuck wasn’t! I just loved that he cared about not labelling people and his name will stay with me always. Bless...his parents must have been back from Morocco and pretty high the week he was born....Starbuck!

Anyway on my last night in Soho, I decided that I would stay up very late, pack quickly at last minute and head to Euston train station at 7am and not worry about lack of sleep, so that’s what I did. All sounds so easy doesn’t it? Throwing computers and knickers into a case and dragging it through London! But me and Shirley arrived safely at a busy and cramped train station. The platform was announced and the crowd surged forward.

The problem was my friend has some mobility issue with her hip and when we got dragged en masse down onto platform at Euston we somehow got separated. I had jumped onto the first available - first class carriage and Shirley ended up way down front of train which was mobbed out and chaotic.

The seating plan went tits up and it was first come first served, so even my carriage was now heaving. So my pal Shirley was effectively isolated without a seat and yet I had two seats secured, so we called each other on the phone. Turns out she couldn’t walk down the train towards me here at the back of the train for two reasons, one- the train was over booked and people were all over the floors and two- the trains were separate trains that were hooked together up the front and no way you could walk through and so she had to physically come out of her carriage to get to mine.

So, after the scramble for seats, the train also broke down. I waited till the train set off again, checked Shirley was ok (she was sitting in the guards box up the front train) and I set off to ask the guard at the back about getting Shirley down to her seat.

“Where is she?” the guard barked at me.

“She is up the front, we got separated and someone is in our official seats, but I have seats for us both here” I explained and pointed to my seats. “She is disabled, so when the train stops at Milton Keynes can you make sure she will have time to walk down from the top train to here?”

“As long as she doesn’t doddle” he added.

“We don’t call it doddling, she is disabled, and we call it walking slow and carefully” I stated.

“How long will she take?” he infuriatingly asked.

I sighed out loud and said “well we haven’t timed her lately, we did mean to get round to it but we haven’t done it sorry” my sarcasm didn’t escape the bloke who was the train cleaner standing beside the pedantic guard. He snorted out loud and giggled.

“Well, we will see what we can do” said the train guard.

“Look, I need you to get to the point where you will say, ‘yes we will aid your disabled pal best we can for her to get from one over crowded carriage to this one’ can we do that?” I snapped.

Finally at Milton Keynes the train stopped, I jumped off and ran down the platform under the watchful beady eye of the guard and managed to help Shirley up to our part of the train, then at the last minute he indicated by shouting and pointing that we ‘get on there’ which was the door before the one we wanted to board. So we clambered onto the train with a suitcase and landed on top of heaps of people on the floor.

A baldy tall angry man and his wife glared at us, the man wiped his hand over his sticky forehead and shouted “There are NO SEATS in there” and he pointed at the carriage where I had two seats secured with my luggage and coats. I supposed he assumed we had just boarded the train at Milton Keynes and that we had no knowledge of the crushed train from hell and to be honest I couldn’t be bothered explaining. So he just watched me and Shirley board that train, climb over their cramped bodies and luggage and walk to a miraculous empty seat – let me tell you that annoyed him the whole journey and at every chance he got, he quizzed me about my seat. I never fully explained and left him seething.

I tweeted Virgin trains and explained the whole situation, they have suggested we get a refund and that’s exactly what I will be doing. Train journeys do make up a big part of my blogging and train companies need to know we have power at our finger tips, the prices we pay for trains and the general way we are treated is abhorrent and we should all complain!