Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

MY VERSION OF BRIEF ENCOUNTER

Watched 'Brief Encounter', that old Lovely Black and white film by David Lean and written by Noel Coward.

Starring Celia Johnston and Trevor Howard.
It really is a fantastic film and so well shot.

Although I cannot stop laughing at the whole thing, poor Celia plays a well kept middle class woman who lives in Bromley (Somewhere like that), her husband is a banker who wears a full three-piece suit at home (including waistcoat) and looks around 67 although he is probably only 26! 

He likes to stand near the open fire dressed in an axminster suit sweating buckets and puffing on a pipe.

They have two kids, a boy and a girl, both have cut glass English accents that I swear to God -Prince Charles would have struggled to maintain, I have never heard such upper class pronunciation!!

Celia also has a cook and house keeper. It seems her only duty is to go shopping for some vegetables and wander round Boots in a tight constricted wool coat with big buttons. 

Sweating lots is a feature in this family.


Can she do this locally? 
NO fucking chance she has to get a train into the nearest town.

In the station there is a proper tea room with a slovenly older woman who flirts with that bloke who played the working class dad in My Fair Lady...him that sang "I'm getting married in the morning" there is a coal fire (there is an open fire in almost every scene).

 The very common people in the train tea room are the only believable characters in the film.

This woman takes a train and picks up some shopping, a few books from 'Boots'?? Then she goes to the 'pictures'. 

The 'pictures' being the movies...this lazy bastard picks carrots, books and a movie...then stares at some local statues round town, then wanders home to eat the cook’s dinner.


Anyway one day it all goes very different.

She meets a doctor by chance at the well frequented train station and gets his attention as she gets a 'bit of dust in her eye'. 

He pokes the corner of a hankie into her eyeball....all being a metaphor for his cock and they are suddenly .....staring at each other.

Before long they are meeting up every week as she goes shopping and then off to the 'pictures' with her new friend.

I have never seen so many smokers in my life as in that picture house, (Jesus the smoke is so thick I am surprised that people can see the screen). It was like a smoking competition.

They start to get excited about meeting up despite both of them being married; Trevor explains that his wife is very small, dark and very frail. 
Which suggests he cannot have sex with her in case she breaks, but he never explains her illness, which is weird as he is a doctor. He could have told us the secretive bastard.

This is in the social era when if a woman 'looked' at another man in any sexual way she gets sent to a mental health sanctuary to get 'electric shock treatment ' Yet despite the social taboos they continue to keep each other company.

They meet up and they go into the country for a walk, have a wee boat ride, in which he falls into the water-then they both go to the boatyard to dry off and of course MAKE TEA (as if to go a whole day without tea would have been insufferable). 

She dries his sodden smelly socks over the hot stove (yet another coal fire) in the boat house as the poor boat house attendant sits in a bad mood as posh people have hogged his heat. 

They fall in love over the steam of wet woollen socks.

He tells her that their affair has driven him to leave England and live abroad as they can never be together. 

He suggests going to his friend's apartment for some quiet time and a last goodbye-(yeah right mate!) and leaves her to think about it when she refuses to come along. Celia strolls around the station debating whether or not to go with Trevor; it was a big dilemma for her.

Her head was saying “Go home bake cakes"

But her pussy was shouting “Eat Me!!”

Eventually she ends up in the flat (which was very swish and YUPPIE-ish for mid- 1940's) and sitting there with her doctor friend, the sexual tension was palpable...Just when you think they may actually touch knees- they are interrupted by the doc's mate (Who incidentally is the gayest man I have EVER seen in my life).

Celia flees the apartment by the back door in a running hysteria (how awful when one has to leave by the service entrance) and goes running through the streets hysterical, dishevelled and ends up sitting in the park smoking and crying pulling Kirby grips from her hair (this appears to be such unruly behaviour in Bromley that even a policeman stops to comment and check on her!)

She eventually phones her husband at home and lies easily about being out so late without an escort, (She should have fucked her doctor, she was a competent liar and could have carried it off).

She then walks to the railway station soaking wet and sad and meets Trevor in the tea room (he had been looking for her all over the statues and benches of Bromley frantically) and now is saying his final goodbye as he is going to emigrate to South Africa (Hopefully not to buy a farm coz that will surely end in tears, posh English farmers don’t fit in well, especially with a weak sick wife).

They are interrupted by a 'beastly but kindly? Woman friend (who talked too much-that would be my role in that movie!) 

Therefore, they don’t get to say goodbye properly! (they drink four cups of tea; I am convinced it's all the fucking caffeine that's making them so highly strung).

Trevor simply squeezes her shoulder as he leaves the tea room to catch his train home to his frail skinny wife with a nameless wasting disease.

Celia gets so upset she dashes onto the platform. The express train comes hurtling through and she contemplates suicide! 

But she can't do it as she is too posh and English also she knows there are dishes to arrange for summer picnics and socks to mend by a roaring fire.

(seriously lady -go home and touch yourself woman, get a grip)

Finally she goes home to her husband who is still wearing a three piece Wooster thick tweed suit sitting trying to do a crossword in a house with a roaring coal fire...(fuck he must be sweating & dying to strip off and sit in his vest like a Northern unemployed man that he has read about in the newspaper).

Celia sits and darns socks as she looks kindly at her fat woolly husband and thinks to herself...."I am just an ordinary housewife in an ordinary house...how did this happen to me?".

I will tell you why, you fancied another man, the thought of sleeping in twin satin covered beds with a man who is clad in wool and smokes a pipe who cannot fucking finish a cross word without interrupting your private thoughts was KILLING you. 

You wanted a blonde skinny dashing doctor who loves the movies, smokes fags and seems to work a three day week for the NHS and had time to hang out on boating lakes, and took you for champagne lunches, he even had a fancy Pied- a -Terre and a snappy gay friend....it's OK to admit it!


I think I will watch "To kill a Mocking bird " next and give my version of that?



Wednesday, January 08, 2014

Things I told my Daughter

1. Never shave your pubes for a man, if he likes naked pubed women he probably likes naked kids.

2. Never laugh at a man's jokes to make him feel good, you will spend your life pretending he is funny and he might want to take up comedy, the world doesn't need that.

3. Always be your honest self, if a bloke doesn't like it, you need to know soon- as pretending you like horses, skiing and vegetarian food is a lifelong commitment and fucking hard work.

4. Never pretend you are somewhere else to appease a man, if you need to lie, you will be doing it forever.

5. Never fake an orgasm, it's like buying a beautiful coat and just using it to piss on. Just be honest.

6. If a man ever tells you that you look fat or ugly naked never take that on board always assume his mother tucked his penis into his pants until he was 14 years old and kissed his mouth too much.

7. Always compliment a man as much as you expect to be complimented, it's not a one way street.

8. If you believe your boyfriend is right stick up for him, your pals won't always be right.

9. Never settle for mediocre and always encourage any man you are with to do the same, find someone who is worth being with and is worth you.

10. Have sex whenever and with whoever you want, your own sexual self worth is your business and nobody else's and anyone who judges is a cunt.

11. Never poke fun at a man for the amusement of your friends, being cruel is such a horrid trait and nobody else's son should suffer other people's insecurities.

12. Always offer to pay on a date, never take a drink from someone when you cannot buy it back, equality works two ways.


13. Be kind, you were brought up to be kind and that comes back to you.

14. If a man displays any kind of homophobia, racism or religious fervour... never bring him home to meet me and change your identity to get away from him if needs be.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 145



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 145 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter discuss the problems with YouTube, fake tans and space stations.

 

Ashley explains her day of editing the Tim and Freya video she made and Janey talks ghost stories, small penis's and menopausal problems. They both talk about things they hate, Ashley has many and they answer some podcast questions.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 145

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

 


 

Click Here To see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording: Here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 


 

 

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 140



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 140 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter get ranty about Aspergers, the war in Iraq and Ken Barlow. Ashley discusses her experience of living through ten years of the illegal occupation of Iraq and her feelings about The Steubenville rape case.

 

Janey tells us a horrific story involving a guide dog and another about a toilet brush. Infidelity, a story about a kidney and some weird singing feature this week.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 140

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook

 


 

Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone

 

Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 131





(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 131 of Janey Godley's podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo go deep about UK libel laws, Lance Armstrong and Megan Fox. Janey talks about her twitter fight with Donald Trump and her fantasy of going crazy with a dirty cheese wire.
 
The chatty twosome talk comedy, life, sex and how Janey is keen on announcing deaths by mime. They play one word 'guess the comic' - a new game invented by Janey that falls apart during play!
 
Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.
 
 
Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 131
 
If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.
 
 
Click here to see the art of Hannah Stone
 
Get your copy of Molly Wobbly’s Tit factory, live cast recording here.
 
 
You can check out all our videos on YouTube
 
Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook
 
Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook
 
You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!
 
We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.
 
 

Friday, September 28, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 115



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 115 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss Janey and her husband’s anniversary today and the back story to a sectarian wedding.

 

Ashley talks about her drug experience, gives us her review of the new pilots on US TV and they both do some banter on latest news stories including Justin Lee Collins and the US election. Janey does a loud song and dance routine near the end of the podcast. The Bold Alec makes an appearance.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 115

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 

Check out some fashion tips from Fetuccini Spencer

 


 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 


I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 113



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 113 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter bring you the latest news, discussing The Hillsborough Report, Chris Brown’s offensive tattoo and the impending war in Libya.

 

Ashley gives us her views on the anti Islamic film and the elusive maker Sam Bacile and talks about attitudes towards religion in general. Janey gives us answers to the podcast questions and Ashley talks about her recent encounter with Maria Fowler formerly of the Only Way is Essex.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 113

 


 

Check out Janey Godley’s Comic Strip

 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Check out Ashley’s 50 Shades of Reality Here

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 

Check out the Philip DeFranco show on You Tube!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.


Thursday, September 06, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 112



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 112 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo discuss the Paralympics, the state of women in comedy and Boris Johnson’s plans for a new airport.

Ashley reads from her diary the day she had sex and Janey gets accused of domestic violence. The two read out questions, and debate the plight of a boy with Downs Syndrome who was barred from a first class flight. Ashley questions the phrase “brave paralympians”.

 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 112

 


 

Check out Janey Godley’s Comic Strip

 

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

 

Check out Ashley’s 50 Shades of Reality Here

 

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

 

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

 

Our Website of the week is Dropbox, Always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox. Sign up it’s free!

 

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 106



(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)



In episode 106 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter broadcasters get into the shooting at Aurora and debate gun laws. Ashley explains her feelings about her estranged family on her father’s side.



Janey talks about her picks for the Edinburgh Fringe and gives us some news on homosexual marriage laws in Scotland and Ashley reads from her diary. The trip to Los Angeles was not all fun and games and Ashley’s take on the dynamics of the family lead to hilarity.



Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.



Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 106






Check out Janey Godley’s Comic Strip



You can check out all our videos on YouTube



Check out Ashley’s 50 Shades of Reality Here



Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook



Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook



You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!



If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.



I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.