Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Book arrives tomorrow

I cant quite believe that this time tomorrow I will have my book in my very own wee hands!

Seems weird and exciting.

Woke up this morning with my phone screaming to be answered, I was having horrific nightmares so was glad of the clarion call to normality. The only problem is that when I get called in the middle of a nightmare I get all fuzzy and befuddled on the phone! It was my 'Womens speakers agent' ( lady who books me for speakers gigs) her very posh and loud English jolly voice was making no sense and only noise in my ears.

Eventually my brain got kickstarted into gear and I understood the conversation, I am flying to Leeds/Bradford for a gig in Harrogate this Thursday and that was the flight times confirmed. I love these gigs- great pay- great hotel and great fun. How cool to entertain 600 midwives! I am lucky.

The nightmare stayed in the back of my head all day, just waiting and lurking there like a bad smell, occasionally flashing up like a subliminal advert imprinted into my cells , making my warm skin prickle with fear, even when I was not expecting the feeling to be there -not sure with itself whether to transform into a slow sharp grinding headache or stay there to drip insecurity into my brain. I tried my best to ignore it but then I felt quite flat and detached all day long.

It's hard work ignoring yourself. Trust me. I tried it.

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