Tits are for falling on!

The heat here is incredible beyond belief...but I like it. I am slowly being acclimatised to it all and have now realised why Scottish football fans are well behaved in European Countries, they are too damned hot too fight. That heat saps your strength so much it would be impossible to pilage and go mad in the burning sun!

I have seen a lot already and am enjoying this wonderful place more than I could imagine. I wandered last night acroos a bridge and ended up in an area called Trastevere which is the Roman version of Soho, it used to be the area of prostitutes and thieves but now it is an artists enclave and full of quirky Boho shops and galleries.

I sat in a small bar for a drink and met three people

One of whom was Italian and the other two Glaswiegan! Only I could travel miles to meet a woman from Newton Mearns (Posh area of Glasgow) and a bloke who lived many years in Glasgow but is originally from Troon. They are both teaching English in Rome...with that very special twist of Scottish-ness mixed in just to leave some kind of cultural stamp on the children. I suggested they let them watch " Balamory" ( Scottish kids show with strong Northern accents) that would be fun.

One of the woman had a friend who joined us and she owns an English book shop that stocks my book!

Later on I was passing a small Japanese man who was carefully setting up a camera shot (how unusual) and as I walked by I said "Miaow" (my funny thing I like saying impulsively) He replied

"Nihow" back to me and thought it was nice that he had enterd into my spirit of animal noises...turns out my friend explained that Nihow is ' Hello' in Japanese! My cat language is international...

So late last night sitting eating outdoors in this restaurant that I shall never go back to as the service is shit and the food looks ever so slightly like prison meat (I know this trust me) I was approached at least nine times by odd people bearing goods for sale...who the fuck needs Amazon.com these are the people who bring the goods to your face even as you chew food that you are not sure of, you are being touted bright noisy epileptic inducing flashing fuck knows why toys, or flowers bearing hay fever, photgraphers desperate for your image, pens ( I kid you not, who fucking needs a pen that quick), more noisy bright toys, more flowers, accordian playing warbling singing annoying freaks...I swear its hard to digest food when a whole range of shite is being flashed at you as you eat.

I of course was gracious to these beggars/sellers and politely told them to "Fuck off " as i slithered more nasty pasta down my gob.

Last night I stood in some unknown square of amazing beauty and watched three tall pompous priests eat huge ice creams and I thought it would make a nice photo. I politely asked them if I could take their picture.

Priest with least ice cream in his mouth-"No! GO AWAY!

me-"Ok Man of God no need to be so nasty, Jesus Christ would be mad at your attitude!

I was tempted to ask them how it feels to have your leader a different religion from you but refrained...as in Rome...So I shouted back at them.

Dont worry Rome wreaked it's own revenge on me.

I went home with a big blistered toe that bled, and this morning I got up to go to the pharmacy to buy plasters and fell smack hard on the street, my hands banged hard on the ground, my tits bounced me back and my knee scraped on the ancient cobbles!

As I stood up trying to regain some composure, my breasts hurt, my knee bled and a statue looked down smiling at me. I know it was laughing, but I carried on walking to the chemist and got cleaned up and suitably 'plastered' and off for my next adventure.

I am not going to the Vatican today, I get the feeling I am not allowed and Rome is making me pay for all the nasty stuff I have said about nuns etc...I am just waiting on an ancient gargoyle falling off a building and landing on my head...then the revenge is complete.

meanwhile I am off to say Miaow to more Japanese people, whilst I have this international gift for languge I may as well use it.