A Donkey Made me Shoplift…

Yes I know that sounds a weird title, but I am afraid it’s true. I resorted to thieving to feed a big eyed donkey in a field. We stayed over in Stockton last night as I was performing there. It was a lovely theatre called the Arc. I was not the host and got to go on first, something I haven’t done in years! It was awesome, I was finished by 9pm and sitting in a nice restaurant eating dinner with husband on a freezing Saturday night in Yorkshire!

So we were in bed watching telly for 10-30pm. That is a good Saturday night as far as I am concerned. That means I am officially old, I suppose.
Anyway, we travelled home slowly this morning and went into a lovely farm shop/café for breakfast. The café is set in a real working farm that contains donkeys, horses, emus and llamas.
The entrance to the farm house has some boxes of home grown produce, I fingered through the veggies and as I was looking at the carrots my head turned and made eye contact with a big black donkey standing at least ten feet away behind a wee wooden fence. It stamped its feet and brayed at me (fuck knows what brayed is, but I supposed hee-hawed is a strange word to spell) so in my head
(And we know how much I love talking animals) it was asking me to get it a carrot.

I simply snapped the head off a fresh skinny carrot and stepped across the frozen grass, my toes were crunching the icy blades making a funny noise. I leaned over and held the carrot out to the donkey that crunched it quickly then stamped its feet and demanded more. So after stealing about five carrots, my husband came out and asked me what was going on as I now had five llamas, two donkeys and a strange angry horse gathered around me all demanding stolen goods.

I knew I was in trouble because I looked at the cottage window where the owner was standing and I tried to tip toe away across noisy frozen grass whilst a host of farm animals made a mixture of weird carrot begging noises.

I am home and Ashley has been to M&S and bought me salmon and mash potatoes, I love my daughter she doesn’t shoplift my dinner….yet. I could teach her.