I thought I killed her dad years ago...

I can only say it's good to be home, but I have been full on as usual. I foolishly but gladly agreed to take part in my friend Chris's big extravaganza cabaret nights at the Mitchell Theatre...straight after doing my Glasgow Book Launch and it was all great. The book launch was lovely and seeing all my old school pals was awesome. One girl in particular was interesting as I have long believed I killed her father.

Yes! I know what a statement!

Ok here goes....when I was ten years old, I pointed my brothers air pellet pistol out of my window and shot this schoolfriends dad right in the ass. He yelped and screamed in the street and I dropped behind the window onto my stomach like a real commando. A few later he died and my brother -who knew I had shot him in the ass (I foolishly told him) told me that the man died as the pellet passed through his heart and killed him. I was horrified and kept the secret for years until I was a real adult and knew the man could never had died due to my hot shot calamity Jane stylee shooting incident. Surely?

Anyway, I met Carrie tonight at the show and as I was signing some books she came up to me and introduced herself...here's how it went..

Me-"Hello, how did your dad die?" I asked inconsiderately.

Carrie-"He had a heart attack years ago, why?"

me-"Did a pellet go through his veins and kill him?"

She looked at me with a mixture of disgust and sheer horror "No, are you mental?"

me-"Thats ok then I thought I had killed him, you see I shot him in the ass in 1973 with an air gun pellet and I always wondered if it killed him"

Carrie-"No you didnt but I never knew you had shot my late father....I think you are mental...is this a joke?"

me-"Er...Yes, it was a joke, I like weird jokes"

Carrie-"Ermm...ok bye then"

See Janey Godley is Innocent, my Fringe show is true, I never killed Carrie's dad.