Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Late night musings

This has been the most stressed out two days of my life, well not since I gave birth have I been that stressed I suppose.

I had to get so much done today and I feel as though I am just chasing my tail round in circles.

Ashley's birthday always makes me reminisce of past days. I was so scared to go to hospital and actually give birth to her, I thought I could be the first woman ever to just stay pregnant forever. Mind you I feel fat enough just now to convince me that I am eternally pregnant.

I cannot believe she is 19 years old, the day I delivered her I was just so worried she would die or I would do something that harmed her instantly.

As it turned out she refused to be born and stayed in a state of labour for three whole days. I thought I was going to die, when she was finally dragged out of my body, I felt like a torn and ripped Christmas stocking that had just delivered the greatest gift to all ! My husband was so happy when he saw her, he held her gently then promptly felt faint and almost fell on the floor holding his newborn baby!

I watched as a wee Scottish nurse, scooped the baby from and him and with her other hand and leg she lowered my husband to the floor, where he lay for a while!

Both of us on our backs and Ashley being the centre of attention in a brightly lit hospital room.

I am finally chilled out, she is making me tea and I need to stop stressing and enjoy her company before she goes to Uni and out of my life for a few years.

I cant even begin to think about that, how will I cope without her smile every day?

I am back to stressing....shit...

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