Leeds and laptop problems…

I am sorry it has been a few days since my last blog, the laptop went a bit slow and it needed a clean out.
The shows are going great, I love being up there on stage doing my stuff.
Have been really inspired with comedy again after doing the workshops with kids lately, they are so honest and funny. Every week, I take 14 teenagers on a comedy workshop; I want them to gain confidence and fun from comedy. Some of those kids are so fucking funny when they get up, I see them just throwing themselves into it full tilt and I love it.
The improve exercises get them into the groove and they really do show a great interest in performing; some of the one liners they come out with are hysterical.

So I am still in Leeds, I went shopping yesterday for a decent outfit to wear to the Brit Awards night. Now those who know me know that I am small, quite chubby (less now since I have stopped eating rubbish) but my boobs are huge for a small person like me 36DD.

So I stand in the designer store looking at fabrics colours and then am approached by the skinniest, nubile gay-est man in the world “Can I help you?” He asked. So I explained that I needed an outfit and he escorted me over to a range of clothing that would never have even fitted around my fucking wrist…I am not joking…these clothes were for some eleven year old girl who looked like a seven year old boy…to be precise.

I looked the shop assistant in the eye and then pointed to my two huge Scottish globes and said “Do you honestly know what I am pointing at? These are tits, and they are huge, there is nothing in that range that accommodates my tits, do you have clothes for women here or is everything for women who date men who like their women to look like children? Did Gary Glitter design these clothes? Did Michael Jackson help him out?”

The lovely wee gay dude burst out laughing and we literally held onto each other pissing ourselves giggling, he then started to try to stretch some of the tiny clothes across my boobs; this went on until people started commenting and we stopped. I never got an outfit, but I have a new screaming queen gay pal.

I have nothing to wear, but who cares, its not as if I dress up better and Kanye West will want me, I already have a man who wants me, ok he is not famous or a black rap artist, but he does go to the chemist to get me tampax…cant see 50 cent doing that can you?