Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Owl and the Book…

I went up into Easterhouse (rundown area of Glasgow), it has a brand new huge shopping park. I was doing a book signing/comedy gig there at the Borders Book Store. As I approached the store I saw a small crowd outside, I thought “Maybe people are queuing up?” But no it was in fact an exhibition of wild owls. Yes OWLS…you read it correct. I was about to go into to my event and a big owl flapped at me and almost poked my funny hair. It was tethered at the leg (in case it decided Easterhouse was shite and the woods were more interesting, I mean to be honest what would an owl want with a shopping complex?) There was a man in a green gillet strapping the bored tired owls onto the wrists of small kids (one owl was so big I thought it could take off and drag the small child away as prey) the man then took photographs of the child holding an owl.
I was mesmerised by this strange display and felt so sorry for the bored looking exquisitely beautiful birds.
Anyway I went into the venue and took up my place at the microphone and there in front of me were about thirty people and 6 small kids…
Great…I got one of the wee boys up and asked him “who are you here with?”
“My granddad” he answered.
“Did you get to hold an owl?” I asked, pointing outside the big glass window to the owl man and his tethered birds.

“No my granddad says they are biting bastards, and if I want to get close to an owl he will take me up the bluebell woods and we wont have to pay a fucking weirdo to take photos of me holding it” the wee innocent boy with big blue eyes clearly spoke.
My audience howled with laughter, the granddad blushed and I said “You know what? I think you granddad is right”
I got other kids up for a chat and they were so funny, I joked with the audience and sold some books.
I love kids, especially Glasgow kids!

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