The Flu…

Ok I have been writing very little lately as I have the flu…hoping its not the fucking bird flu to be honest, so far no feathers have popped outta my ass when I sneeze so that’s a good sign.
I coughed so much yesterday that I pissed a little bit in my knickers…that is the fucking end of my life right there…I am now addicted to those exercises that strengthen your bladder and vagina, I swear to God my vag will resemble a bulldog clip by the end of the month, I will be able to pick up petit pois with my pussy and be the envy of every woman on this block. I never want to ever cough and piss ever again. It’s not a good thing.
I have also turned into the evil woman from hell, husband is shit scared of me as I have dragged every single bad thing he ever did since 1979 and threw it into his face. My sister called today and I couldn’t talk to her coz I was stuck in 1983 and couldn’t concentrate on her chatter and maintain the arguement about the day my husband called me a cunt in front of people whilst Wham! was on the jukebox and Prince Andrew was bragging about his spell as a fighter pilot in the Falklands.
I need to stop going over the past, husband is considering separation and I am desperately trying to recall what I was wearing the day he threw coffee over me when Princess Diana gave birth to Harry and Frankie goes to Hollywood was number one. Maybe when my period arrives on Thursday I will be a nicer person or maybe I will throw hot coffee over him and sing my favourite song?
I am off to be nice, my daughter is buying a straight jacket from Ebay.