Fringe Report Awards

Landing in London on Monday I was exhausted. I had been up half the night with nightmares. Sometimes I suffer really badly from the scary dreams and that night had been a spectacular horror fest. My emotions were ragged and I felt as though my brain would explode.

I didn’t want to let the bad dreams spoil my special night. I had won Best Performer at The Fringe Report Awards and I wanted to feel really good and enjoy the moment.

I arrived at the lovely flat in London and had some lunch then a quick sleep. Around 5pm I got up and got myself ready.

On arrival at The Arts Theatre in Great Newport St in the West End of London and there were loads of people milling around. Me and my best mate Monica managed to get a coffee and a sit down in a nearby café before the event, as she was knackered and had been working all day.

Eventually we got into the main Theatre and we chose a row where some crazy lady had brought her entire belongings and stuffed them beside her. Monica and I nearly fell over trying to get onto the seat.

The room went dark and the ceremony began. I had planned on a quick smile and thank you as I took my award, but as people started getting their awards they were making lovely emotional speeches.

My nerves kicked in and I realised I had to make a speech. I was nervous as hell. Monica giggled and I asked her to let me out to go for a pee.

“No, your award might be next and I am not going up there to collect it for you”

“I really need a pee now move” I hissed.

“No, now shut up and be respectful of other people up there” she snapped.

My bladder got bigger, I swear it went to the size of a scatter cushion, my nerves got worse and I REALLY needed a pee.

Finally the lovely man John up onstage read out a lovely testimony to me and people cheered and I had to get up and collect my award. The woman with the bags refused to move her stuff, my bladder swished about and I tripped over a bag on my way out of the row. Monica laughed.

I got to the stage with shaky legs and possibly a leaky bladder and made a touching (I think) speech and thanked people and made off with my box of Champagne and lovely certificate. The crowd gave me a resounding applause.

I was so touched at the award, truly I was.

To be given an award in London by such a prestigious set of critics was awesome.
I made it back to our row and tripped yet again over that scary woman’s bags and Monica pissed herself laughing as my head dropped almost to the floor. My legs were entangled amongst that woman’s shitty baggage. Monica laughed her head off.

We had a great night; I am so very pleased and now am home!