Going insane

Been a tense time in the flat, Ashley and I have stopped smoking. I am so proud of her, I have done this before and she hasn’t, so I can see how tense she is. She is answering every question with a screechy voice and her stomping feet about the flat must be making the downstairs neighbours insane. The upside is, every morning she gets up her nose isn’t blocked anymore, and that’s been a problem for years. Every morning she used to stand in the loo and snort, breath and make dragon noises with her nose that drove her mad, trying to breathe through it.
So good positive signs eh?

I am also on a diet and a keep fit regime, which is on hold as I have antibiotics for an ear infection and a suspicious angry weeping boil on the crease of my leg near my ass. It has to be the most inconvenient place for a boil ‘right on the crease’ it hurts when I walk but it will go soon, I cant even see it and need a selection of mirrors and strategically placed spotlights to see the fucker. The doc says it’s a symptom of the infection in my ear, and to expect more boils.

My snoring has stopped which is an awesome side effect of stopping smoking and I am going to be 50 soon, so I need to take care of my body more.

I don’t want to be 50, and still breathing like a ragged out hack and I don’t want to be this fat anymore.

I went running the other night, I haven’t run in 15 years and it was a good feeling to be doing it again. But it will be ages before I can manage a decent run at all.

I spoke to a personal fitness trainer but Ashley was aghast and said “Mum, don’t do that, I see those men out in the West End screaming at fat people to run faster then make them do lunges outside the all night Asian shop, its humiliating, just get dad to shout at you, its cheaper and he knows how to do it good”

I am not sure about a personal trainer, but I do need some help.

Have been worried about my dad lately as well, I haven’t seen him much since I have been travelling and working. I always feel incredibly guilty when I don’t see him; he doesn’t make me feel bad. It’s me who does that to myself. We talk every day on the phone and I go see him when I can, but I just hate the thought that he is sitting in his house alone and sad. Having said that, I am so lucky as my step sister is an awesome daughter to him and she visits often and loves him to bits. Dad is out every single day as well; he meets his pals every day and goes for a natter with them. In actual fact my dad has a better social life than me and Ashley!

It’s a queer time for me, this approaching 50 years old; I am taking stock and yet not slowing down. Ashley and I are off on a wee world tour of LA, Adelaide and hopefully NZ right after my birthday in January.

I love going away with her, she makes me laugh and is such a good mate to hang out with. I wish my mum had been alive when I was 24, though I don’t think I would be accompanying her on a comedy tour. I do miss her so much, especially as I have now outlived her- she died at 47. I suppose this is why me and Ashley are closer, is we are aware how fragile and flippant life can be. Though she never knew my mum, she was born four years after mum died.

By the time I am fifty in January, I will be a stone lighter (at least) my lungs will be clean and healthier and I will look better and feel better than I do right now with a boil on my arse and stuff leaking out of my ears.

Its early here as I write this, I couldn’t sleep as husband was up and down all night for drinks or a piss, he is in his late 40s and still cant sleep right through the night. Shit eh? Pity he wasn’t breast fed, well it aint my job now to fix him, I am fixing me and I hope you will all be here to support me!

Thanks again for listening to me and Ashley’s podcast, you can go to my webpage janeygodley.com and click the link Janey Godley’s podcast and become a subscriber
if it pleases you! Speak soon.