Iceland hates us

First they refuse to pay back the cash we gave them now they have fucked the skies with a giant flume of molten Bjork just to fuck the world off. Lets go to Iceland and beat the shit out of the weird whale hooting people who live their just to vent our anger…or let’s just accept we can’t take the world for granted and accept that seals are pissing themselves laughing and the rainforest is screaming with giggles.

Apparently we made the earth angry and it’s now throwing shit at us- well I can take it. Am currently in Toronto and may or may not be able to get home on Monday, you know what? I don’t care now…I am done stressing, people are watching their kid die of a disease somewhere in the world and I might not make a BBC radio show in London on Tuesday- BIG DEAL!

I love Toronto, the comics are lovely, the club YukYuk’s is awesome and the traffic lights have a countdown system that goes from 20 to zero really quickly and makes you RUN across their giant roads with sheer panic in your heart.

The weather here is freezing cold windy (another sign that we will all die coz we never recycled our own shit) - it was sunny then rainy then hailstones came down and then a big wind nearly took my tits off…its whacky.

My room is trashed as I went all moody and never bothered to tidy up, so it’s now 3am almost and am folding clothes and packing up slowly, whilst listening to Plan B, which is an awesome band from London.

When I mentioned how I love Plan B on stage the people of Toronto clapped, cheered and made hooting noises, now I was amazed that this relatively new band from Forest Gate in London were so big in Canada – turns out Plan B is the very famous Morning After pill in Toronto which women take after unprotected sex. I am not a hip chick who knows her music; I am whore who can’t use a condom. How they laughed.


Tomorrow I go find big coffee filters that husband has asked me to get as they are hardly available in Scotland and I had already bought some but guess what – I got the wrong ones, so a stilted snappy conversation via Skype ensued…oh how I love Aspergers – he basically turned into a pretzel when he heard I got cone shaped ones…one day I will hit him in the eye with a toffee hammer.

Miss him though and Ashley.

So I wake up Sunday and find out my flight is cancelled and am stuck in Toronto, the British Airways website gave me an option to rebook my flight, but the page is out of date and mentions the strike in March. I suspect they are panicking and not looking after their website. When I call BA they tell me there is a high volume of calls and best I book on their website….but I want to tell them – no doubt like squillions of other people that we CANT rebook as the link is out of date and keeps talking about MARCH for fucksake.

I don’t know when I am getting home, but that’s all good and I am happy to stay here till times when I can go. Give me a hug Toronto – I need it.