Screaming is good

My husband knows when I am busy, he sees me procrastinating (or smoking heavily), picking my nails or chewing the ends of my hair (self abuse never leaves you, don’t listen to the therapists) so, my husband sees me do all of these things at once and that’s when he decides to ask me “Did you write the letter to TOP UP TV and ask for the £9.99 back that they illegally claimed after we cancelled their service”.

In my head I was constructing a big 1000 word article about domestic abuse for a newspaper, which was really tough to plan out and even tougher to phrase correctly. In fact whilst I was thinking about women who get beaten by their husbands, I was actually thinking about hitting my husband on the side of the head with a half brick.

Husband doesn’t know when to shut up and after 30 years of being together, you would think he would know when to shut his big annoying interruptive mouth. But alas, NO…he insisted “have you done that letter yet?”

“I really hate you, I hate everything about you and I think about you dying so I can laugh loudly” I said quietly to him, then I went back into my head and thought about how some men can abuse women verbally, they can destroy their confidence just by uttering mean words. Then I thought about what I had just said and I shouted “I am sorry, I didn’t mean that”

He knows when I am angry, I speak quietly and say cruel things that involve him dying and me standing by his side guffawing and shrieking with laughter. I hope to God he doesn’t die before me, I will probably laugh out of nerves and it will look like a self fulfilling prophecy and that can’t be a good thing.

So I spent the day being nice to him as I think it was shameful the way I behaved. Ashley had sat and watched us argue, she was trying to take notes on a film for her university course, she got fed up and shouted “shut up” so we did. She is much better at being an adult than we are.