Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ashley’s broken toe and Roland Gift’s new single

My poor daughter ran to answer her mobile phone, the other night. She cracked her baby toe off the dining chair, then hopped, skipped and jumped along the living room, then went down into a forward roll moaning loudly. It made me laugh so much I almost peed the couch. I heard the toe crack from across the room. Her dad looked at the toe around 2am and immediately took her to the hospital as it had gone black.

She now has it strapped up and now walks like a discombobulated ballerina, Ashley normally walks on the outside of her feet and this strapped up toe makes her walk on the inside of her feet and she now looks even funnier. I have to stop laughing, I feel bad but it was so funny at the time.

Either way, she smiled at her birth when she really hurt my vagina back in 1986 when she took great delight in being born with as much difficulty as possible, so its all even as far as I am concerned.

I am off to London this weekend for comedy gigs and am really looking forward to it. I have been waylaid for weeks now with the paralysing grief of my wee step mum dying and it will be good to get back to normal, though I am still worried sick about my dad.

I wish I could do something to make him feel better, I know that’s a stupid thing to say as nothing I could possibly think of will make him feel better, and it just worries me.

I could always send Ashley up to recreate her big tumbling toe crushing incident; my dad would piss himself at that. We do have the same sense of humour.
That’s an idea, I could just send my daughter to live with him for a few nights and let her fall down his stairs, burn her fingers in the oven and other clowning gaffes, he likes a good slapstick comedy my dad.

On another front my favourite all time musical hero Roland Gift (fine young cannibals fame) has released a new single called ‘Crush’ and you can get it on ITunes, it’s truly awesome and I can whole heartedly recommend it. His voice is just so smooth, unique and sexy and I am addicted to being ‘crushed’ by Roland.

I am in the throes of getting everything ready for Edinburgh fringe and to be honest if I get one more offer of yet another advert in yet another Fringe brochure, I am going to have to sell Ashley on the web to pay for it all. There might be a creepy clown loving pervert who likes women who inflict pain on themselves who would pay a fortune to keep her in his basement.

I am off to look at the purple blackberry which is now her baby toe.

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