There can be nothing worse than getting to a city after five hours on the road, then not being able to actually find your way to a hotel when you get there! Fucking annoying. Multi Map deserves bird flu virus for the shit route it gave me.
I am sorry this blog is late but as usual, internet connection at a city centre hotel is 20 quid for 24 hours!
I mean CRACK is cheaper than that! When are major hotel chains going to realize that people will NOT pay that money for a connection? I have been to big hotels where it is free…
Ok I need to stop moaning; by the way did you know this blog got four thousand hits in one day? That was yesterday, so I am going to try to break the record and hopefully get seven thousand hits!!
Spread the news!
Ashley is selling stuff on EBAY and I dug out some things I think are valuable, like my real Gucci watch ( I don’t like it anymore) I have some gold rings that I will never wear and for the quirky, I have signed letters from celebrities and a few cards signed by the last three UK Prime Ministers, I have Boris Beckers sperm in a phial…I am joking! I just said that because I was watching him on TV tonight.
There was a woman who did collect his sperm in her mouth in a fancy cupboard in a London restaurant and she promptly put it into a turkey baster and squished it into her lady bits the first chance she got…how horrid and premeditated is that? Who the fuck goes out in the town with a turkey baster in her purse?
I could never do that as I talk too much and as soon as the BJ was over it would all come spilling out of my gob and that would be 4 million pounds worth of serious paternity down the front of a cheap tee shirt!
I cant begin to imagine the conversation between that mercenary of a woman and her child in years to come when that wee girl asks how she came to be…”Did you love my daddy?”
Mum-“ No not really, I gave him a blow job in a busy restaurant, kept the sperm warm in my mouth, ran into a toilet, pulled out my baster, filled it up, got into a squat position and Boris is your daddy, see how clever a woman can be if she keeps her mouth shut?”
Whilst I am on the subject of paternity cases, was watching David Blunkett resign (again), apparently he was a heavy investor in a DNA company and never declared this, well so he should be involved in a DNA company - the amount of scary women he got pregnant and the amount of times he is called on to supply DNA he should be investing in the fucking company.
Do you know what stuns me? I cannot for the LOVE OF GOD understand how he gets that much pussy…seriously; there is yet another woman in the newspapers screaming she was fucking that odd looking floppy faced man…what woman can lick him? Seriously?
I am sorry that was cruel, but he does look like he hasn’t been downloaded properly
Friday, November 04, 2005
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Car Crash outside my house!
There is a busy main road outside my flat, it leads up to the M8 and the road outside has a NO RIGHT TURN sign that most drivers ignore and swing their cars around into the face of oncoming busy traffic…EVERYDAY!
Tonight a car turned, missed and hit the actual NO RIGHT TURN sign, then whacked into another car, reversed into a jeep, then gave up trying to sort it out, and ran away leaving the car in the middle of the road! I know all this because my daughter sits beside the window on her PC and she saw the lot!
I did take pictures but they came out way too dark!
Meanwhile, the pictures of me in RED Magazine are nice; I am standing barefoot in a sunny doorway, with the light from behind making my skirt very sheer…very Lady Diana!
Its in December Issue of RED Magazine and I am on page 110, it’s in the shops now, but expensive I am afraid and I will soon have the ok to post the picture here on my blog.
I am off to Birmingham tomorrow to perform at Jongleurs for three nights. I am looking forward to it and haven’t been to Birmingham in a while, I bought a great pair of brown leather boots there in 1993 and they are still in good nick, so I will wear them again!
I need to go pack and get everything ready for tomorrow morning; Ashley is looking forward to having the house for the weekend. She is DJ-ing this Saturday. She loves her new job, despite their funny name and penchant for skanky pop.
A young girl asked her to play Pink Floyd and my poor daughter had to point to the sign at the front of her decks and say “I am sorry, I cant play that as I work for a company that calls itself Cheezy Choonz…yes that’s tunes spelt with a CH and ends with a Z…Abba, Black Lace and anything by Tom Jones is in though, I love the Floyd but the people wearing shiny sequins will complain”
Talk soon.
Tonight a car turned, missed and hit the actual NO RIGHT TURN sign, then whacked into another car, reversed into a jeep, then gave up trying to sort it out, and ran away leaving the car in the middle of the road! I know all this because my daughter sits beside the window on her PC and she saw the lot!
I did take pictures but they came out way too dark!
Meanwhile, the pictures of me in RED Magazine are nice; I am standing barefoot in a sunny doorway, with the light from behind making my skirt very sheer…very Lady Diana!
Its in December Issue of RED Magazine and I am on page 110, it’s in the shops now, but expensive I am afraid and I will soon have the ok to post the picture here on my blog.
I am off to Birmingham tomorrow to perform at Jongleurs for three nights. I am looking forward to it and haven’t been to Birmingham in a while, I bought a great pair of brown leather boots there in 1993 and they are still in good nick, so I will wear them again!
I need to go pack and get everything ready for tomorrow morning; Ashley is looking forward to having the house for the weekend. She is DJ-ing this Saturday. She loves her new job, despite their funny name and penchant for skanky pop.
A young girl asked her to play Pink Floyd and my poor daughter had to point to the sign at the front of her decks and say “I am sorry, I cant play that as I work for a company that calls itself Cheezy Choonz…yes that’s tunes spelt with a CH and ends with a Z…Abba, Black Lace and anything by Tom Jones is in though, I love the Floyd but the people wearing shiny sequins will complain”
Talk soon.
Things I fucking Hate…
Restaurants who serve pate but not enough bread to eat it with, you are left with a blob of meaty paste or you have to BUY a serving of bread! This happened to me tonight in Beanscene, that awful company that keeps banging on about their ‘morals and customers rights’ fucking 60 pence for two wee slices of tough chewy bread. I smiled and refused to buy the bread, went into the garage shop next door and bought a freshly baked roll for 22 pence and ate the pate with that instead. Man in Beanscene despises me now.
Magazines who take photos of you but refuse to give you copies, no wonder the Native American Indians were convinced photography was stealing their soul! How hard is it to give me ONE photo of my fucking self?
Cold callers who interrupt my sex life to ask me if I am interested in kitchens as there is a representative in my area, then get upset when I threaten to harm their family as ‘I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE BITCH’ is screamed at them…surely if they never got an education and spend their days calling people about kitchens-they should expect some abuse or at the very least know that people like me will make their spirit weak?
Skinny girls who say ‘I am having a fat day’ and refuse a pastry, opting for a glass of ‘warm water and a slice of lemon’.
Companies who somehow get your mobile number and inundate you with text messages telling you ‘Come the best party in town’ shit or advertise their latest mobile phones…whilst you already OWN a phone???
Comedy Clubs who refuse to book you in on a gig at a certain weekend as they ‘Already have a Scottish person or woman’ on that night and explain to you that they don’t want repetition! Despite the fact they have FOUR English boys on that night…how repetitive is that? Would two or more women overwhelm and audience with the stench of oestrogen or would more than two Scottish people be enough to start a revolution and swamp the people with tartan?
That’s enough hate for one night!
Magazines who take photos of you but refuse to give you copies, no wonder the Native American Indians were convinced photography was stealing their soul! How hard is it to give me ONE photo of my fucking self?
Cold callers who interrupt my sex life to ask me if I am interested in kitchens as there is a representative in my area, then get upset when I threaten to harm their family as ‘I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE BITCH’ is screamed at them…surely if they never got an education and spend their days calling people about kitchens-they should expect some abuse or at the very least know that people like me will make their spirit weak?
Skinny girls who say ‘I am having a fat day’ and refuse a pastry, opting for a glass of ‘warm water and a slice of lemon’.
Companies who somehow get your mobile number and inundate you with text messages telling you ‘Come the best party in town’ shit or advertise their latest mobile phones…whilst you already OWN a phone???
Comedy Clubs who refuse to book you in on a gig at a certain weekend as they ‘Already have a Scottish person or woman’ on that night and explain to you that they don’t want repetition! Despite the fact they have FOUR English boys on that night…how repetitive is that? Would two or more women overwhelm and audience with the stench of oestrogen or would more than two Scottish people be enough to start a revolution and swamp the people with tartan?
That’s enough hate for one night!
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