My Star Brother.

"Janey, stop crying it's fine" you said as you carried me in your skinny 12 year old arms. Luckily I was small and not too heavy.

 I had banged my head and blood was seeping out of my forehead onto your grey school jumper. I had managed to crack my head on the school playground slabs. 

Instead of running to the school nurse as all six year old's are supposed to do, I belted it over the 'big' playground to find you, my big brother Jim. You would help.

You immediately hoisted me up, you knew how to carry me, you were the eldest and I was the youngest. You had hauled me on your hip for years.

 I could see the shock in your face as the blood dribbled over my eyebrows and into my eyes. You took your sleeve (who carries hankies?) and wiped my face with such tenderness. 

In seconds my legs were crab like round your waist and my arms locked around your neck. I could feel your heart banging in your chest as you sped up the hilly street towards my house and sat beside me as my mammy washed and looked at the cut on my head.

I still have the scar.

You had scars as well.

The ones on your torso when you got so overweight at twenty and one night slashed your own stomach. Nobody spoke about it. You had scars on your arms when you took to the needle to escape your own life when heroin magically melted away the crap in your existence. 

Then you got thin again and the scars of the years of being an addict took its toll like a map of fear on your skin. You became a problem, you were complicated, angry, confused and sometimes a right pain to be with, but I still loved you.

You got new scars, when the tests for HIV revealed you had more shit running in your veins than you thought was possible and then you got more scars when you developed cancer and a Hickman line protruded out of your collar bone. 

That bone I knew so well, the bone I would rest my head on as a kid when you picked me up.

Your life was full of scars and pain, yet you carried on. 

I remember coming to see you and discovering that all the posters and flyers from my Fringe shows were on your walls beside Oasis and Bryan Ferry. 

You told me I was 'Your Star Child' and sometimes you rubbed the thin line on my forehead and called me 'Your Scar Child'. We laughed and hugged.

I never got to say goodbye to you, you died a few years ago on New Year's Eve down in Colchester near your daughter.

You went suddenly and one of your extended family just put your death up as a Facebook Status and that's how I found out you had left us. 

But in my heart you always were the one that carried me Jim and now I carry you, inside my soul.

My Star Brother.

The Bay City Rollers and Me

Picture the scene, it's 1975 and the girls are in the old school outdoor Victorian toilets standing beside the big radiators rubbing their hands for a smidgeon of heat and I walk in.I budge people up for some warmth on the thick painted cast iron that gives out a dull heat.

Someone shouted "The Bay City Rollers are coming to Glasgow".

I was stunned, I loved them! I wanted to go and see them. They were HUGE, everyone I know LOVED them. 

 "My dad got me two tickets and then we are going to The Albany Hotel to meet them" said this girl I knew called Donna.  

Everyone was excited at her news.

I piped up "I love them, I might go".

Donna flicked back her long hair, stared at me and laughed as she pushed me off the radiator and yelled "You can't even afford the school dinners, you eat out of bins Currie" and all her pals giggled and shoved me on the way out of the toilets. I blinked back tears. 

I hated her, she had everything I wanted like ...boobs, shiny long straight blonde hair and really fashionable clothes. I fucking hated her.

I was small, flat chested and had hair so curly and densely thick that no matter what style you got it cut, it went back to its original thicket of black matted wool. Who I am kidding? It was never professionally styled and cut, my mammy trimmed it regularly with the giant wallpaper scissors. 

How could a Bay City Roller ever fall in love with a child-like boyish girl with mismanaged hair and cardboard to block up the holes in her shoes?

I gripped the radiator hard and listened as the others all talked about getting tickets and making plans. I left the toilet with that horrible acceptance that I would never get the money to go. 

Life could be shit in 1975 for us poor ones.

Today I was introduced to Les McKeown from Bay City Rollers at a charity event "This is Janey Godley, she is great stand up comic" the very generous woman said as she nodded to Les. He shook my hand and said "Yea, I have seen your stuff, you are right funny, hiya"

That wee girl standing beside the radiator in 1975 with wet socks wishing she had boobs, untangled hair and the money for a Bay City Rollers ticket finally smiled. 

Fuck you Donna, where ever you are.

Being a woman comic, these are things that happen.

1. Watching the hotel receptionist ignore you and speak to your husband, explaining stuff and giving keys out, even though you are paying the bill and the room is in your name (which is entirely different from his).

2. Turning up at a new theatre gig and watch the front of house staff explain to my husband (who drove me there and is only walking me in and is not a comic) where the green room is and shaking his hand, assuming he must be the headline act and not me.

3. Computer staff asking my husband what his job is to get a laptop to suit his needs when in fact it was me who asked them for assistance and he was only standing beside me.

4. People assuming I would wet my knickers to run to the 'Prosecco and Cupcake' table at a charity event.

5. Organisers ignoring every male comic in the room to tell specifically me that 'this event would prefer if swearing was kept to a minimum'.

6. Having a woman apologise in advance for my language at a comedy/political event after four men had sworn onstage before me. She gave them great introductions with no 'bad language' comments.

7. Men asking me what my husband thinks of my job.

8. Women asking me what my husband thinks of my job and did I feel like a bad mother leaving my daughter in her father's care as I pursued my career.

9. Audience member's telling me they don't normally like female comics, but I was good.

10.  People asking me if my comedy is about my vagina and hating men.

11. When explaining my husband doesn't work, having to listen to men assume he must be secretly resentful I make money. You are not allowed to reverse that question on them, apparently that's me being defensive.

12. People asking me if being a 'woman 

comic' is actually a real job.

Come see 2 funny women at Glasgow International Comedy Festival MARCH 2015

A Lot To Answer For And Ballater

So we have Bill Cosby, one of my favourite TV dad's. The all American dad, the man in fuzzy sweaters who could make anything funny, is now accused of rape.
 
Not by one woman, or another woman who 'jumped on the band wagon' as some internet trolls like to call victims, but a slew of women working in the business. What does Bill do? He refuses to discuss it. Refusing to speak seems like the best way to avoid discussion. It has been used a million times historically, the best way to avoid a situation is to 'not talk about it' according to Bill.
 
When my daughter was four I caught her throwing talcum down the toilet, the whole thing splattered the loo and the floor. She didn't want to talk about it. I accepted she knew it was wrong as she was four years old and slunk off looking for a teddy bear to be her lawyer who would assure her 'not talking about it' was a great defence. Her face spoke volumes.
 
Bill Cosby's face on the latest Associated Press's video looks much of the same. Except Bill never threw talcum about the toilet to resemble the final scene of Scarface, he is accused of raping multiple victims.
 
When will he speak out? The New York Daily News printed a front cover today saying "It's Time For America's Dad To Talk" so it's not going away.....come on Bill. Speak.
 
I am currently writing this blog from Ballater, me and my pal Shirley are having a week at the timeshare lodge at Craigendarroch. It's basically a huge complex of country lodges beside a big hotel with a swimming pool nestled on the hill above Ballater. It's Royal country, all the shops vie for who has the biggest royal seal of approval above their wee blue door. There are faded photos in windows of Diana clutching a bag of dolly mixtures as she heads towards a car and a wonderful museum dedicated to Queen Victoria in the now defunct railway station, full of wax models and mock up royal train. Very cutesy.
 
I think it must be hard to survive as a business in these small villages, so fair play to them. I love the village of Ballater I have to say. The butcher's has the best meat on the planet and the shops are stocked with everything from gun cleaning fluid to fags and tartan hedgehogs.
 
Me and Shirley have been doing art projects, I love painting and drawing and she has been joining in and encouraging me to draw things I normally feel is out with my talent scope. I even did a landscape and auctioned it on Twitter and raised £150 for Loaves and Fishes food bank in Glasgow. Am very proud and thanks to Stephen K Amos, the food bank got some well deserved cash.
 
The silence is wonderful, and the scenery is stunning. I go and swim most days and just lie in the warm pool and float about, so swimming is a very elaborate excuse for what it is I actually do in the pool.
 
I am missing Ashley, husband and my dad of course but the break is brilliant.
 
Shirley on the other hand, despite being a good pal likes to scare me. She has done this in all the places we stayed from London to Boston. She can stand still in a dark corner for ages just to jump out at me...I battered my arm off the door to the sauna the other night when she did it. Yes, we have a sauna and Jacuzzi in the lodge.
 
I don't like sauna's as to me they are one step above water boarding.
 
We sit out at night on the balcony in the dense darkness and can hear nothing but some birds or animal or something making a weird noise, but it's lovely. I always look at Shirley to make sure it isn't her cawing to scare me, but it's not.
 
Days pass in a lovely haze of swimming, eating and sleeping surrounded by brilliant autumnal colours blazing through the windows and laughing with my pal.
 
This is the perfect time to relax before the busy Christmas period and as we have had this lodge for 28 years, I recall Ashley as a toddler throwing talcum down the toilet in the lodge. Ah...happy memories.
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.

Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.



 

Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc.

In 1979, I recall walking into work in my boyfriend’s dad's pub in the notorious area of The Calton in Glasgow. There seemed to be not many street lights outside and it felt very dark. The pub was full of drunk, young and old men. The only woman in there (other than me) was an ancient old prostitute who sat alone singing into her glass as the guys looked on laughing.

This was the same bar in the early 80s where some of its regulars had gang raped another drunk vulnerable woman and after getting bored with her, slashed her flesh so much that she almost died. Nicholas Fairbairn the infamous politician had to resign as he declared her gang rape and assault as 'not worthy of a trial' as she was a 'damaged woman'. It took a kind hearted lawyer to bring the first civil law suit to jail my customers and they served prison time. It was the Carol X case. Her rapists were guys who drank in my bar.

What am trying to say is some of the Glasgow men back then in The Calton didn't really respect women much. I witnessed this every day in that bar. Women were treated with utter disdain, abuse and I even witnessed women running away from the 'grabbing' men who all laughed heartily at their 'attempted assault'. The guys openly discussed the size of my breasts and sometimes when I ventured out into the main bar area to clear up they would make an effort to curtail their behaviour as my boyfriend's dad was not to be messed with, so I effectively was 'off limits'. I was safe.

Yet I was constantly shocked at the way they spoke about women, for example I had a guy in our bar who used to say he "Tarzaned" women, which was a reference to Tarzan grabbing a woman and swinging her away. 'Tarzaned' can be equally read as raped. Things slowly changed, the area changed, lots of those original guys became heroin addicts and were now not so cocky and either died or faded away or just gave up on life.

The 80s came along and new customers with families and jobs and self employed business's started using the pub and they weren't as 'grabby' or sexist or misogynistic as their predecessors.

But there was still an element of old school sexism in the air. Good news was - it was changing.

It's 2014 and we now have Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc in the media telling us how to grab women by the throat for a dating technique or  openly laughing at women and asking to 'smell their gash' and generally being demeaned by men in groups. I thought that was done.

 I had hoped the term 'Tarzaned' was an isolated Glasgow urban myth....but its back and people now pay to hear it. Maybe I should open a 1979 theme bar and have men grabbing women as blokes laugh at the hilarity and we can have Dapper Laughs Vines on a loop, girls can giggle as they are throttled near the juke box and women can scream with pleasure at being noticed as they try to hide the smell of their gash near the boys!

Or men like Dapper Laughs and Julien Blanc can grow the fuck up and people who pay to see them can realise that one day their own daughters, sisters and female pals will suffer from this perpetuated 'lad syndrome' and maybe one day if things change WOMEN ONE DAY can walk into a bar without fear or humiliation from badly raised stupid men.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.

Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.

Booking a Comedy Club...hence am a promoter!

Wild Cabaret is a stunning venue in Glasgow's Merchant city.

Not your usual comedy venue that boasts a dark cellar and angry hipster barman whose girlfriend looks like a Govan version of Uma Thurman and they argue every time you try to introduce a nervous new comedian or he decides his 'mates band' are playing that night, just when you get a decent following.

The carpet doesn't smell weirdly of a deep clean from folk in hazmat suits or even stick to your feet and they have more than an angle poise lamp to light up the stage.....and you get paid in cash on the night! Weird eh?

What is going on with all this professionalism Godley? I hear you ask.

Well Glasgow boasts great comedy nights and there should be sticky carpets and angry barmen and weird lighting, that's how comedy works as well, trust me, it's where I learned my stripes playing.

But Wild Cabaret in Candleriggs is a bona fide cabaret venue with proper posh food and waiters who walk about so well dressed I constantly think they own the joint and keep suggesting new ideas about comedy to their confused faces as they try to take orders. They ignore me and smile. Bless them. I love the place.

It can be a hard thing introducing comedy to folk who are trying to order truffle laden ox blood marrow boned sausages. You are trying to explain a story about mild near death masturbation as they whisper "medium rare please" but we are getting there.

Am joking about the sausages but not about the masturbation joke as there is a white rope above the stage for those folk who dress like cats and do cabaret at the weekend, which I am assured is awesome and it keeps triggering my joke about men who choke themselves during a 'pleasure session'. Some people laugh.

Some Thursday's it's full other times it's not as busy, but we are getting a good solid crowd and it's my job to programme it and am rubbish at that part. I don't mean we haven't had good comics but I wake up at 4am in tangled sheet panicking that I haven't booked any acts that week and so grab my phone and check again and again.

Scottish comics have emailed me suggesting their availability and I forget to put them into a file to get back to them, so now people think I don't like them and you know how well liked I am to begin with, it's a vicious circle.

I am trying to make sure I get everyone on, the pay isn't stunning but at least in these climes of comedy clubs being crap at paying people, you get cash on the night.

I forget every week to announce the line up on social media and then I remember and hastily send it out 500 times just to make sure am annoying people all over the world as well as at home.

The owner of the club is brilliant and takes on board all the suggestions I come up with and even has posters of my giant face around the city centre on bill boards. 

The staff are fabulous and move between the tables like members of the CIA taking orders and rarely shake a cocktail when folk are onstage, in fact one barman shakes his thing in the side kitchen for convenience and often makes cocktails in there as well (BOOM BOOM).

We have awesome deals on like the £15 (was £30) two course meal with a glass of wine AND comedy ticket for Thursday nights. That's a cracking deal eh? If you just want comedy its £8 and you sit on beautiful seats or in a stunning booth!

There are no sight line problems and the toilets are fabulous and don't double up as the acts room, we have a great green room back stage with our own loo.

The problem is, trying to merge posh food and a beautiful room with stand up...they can be weird bedfellows but I don't see why it can't happen.

Why does comedy club food have to be fried and flung at you with cheap cutlery and plastic glasses?

Why can't we eat salmon mousse from beautiful plates and drink from crystal glasses and still laugh?

We will and we ARE! So come down to Wild Cabaret JUST COMEDY on a Thursday night, you will see half price offers on facebook and twitter.

I will be the frazzled panicky woman staring at a white rope above the stage trying to avoid a strangly wank joke.
 
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.

Sorry my blog's have been less regular than promised...been hectic.

Swearing

Picture the scene, I walk out of a gig at Edinburgh fringe, it's raining and am laughing and saying goodbye to some folks and I get straight into a cab as someone shouts "Loved the show Janey" and the taxi driver asks "Are you a comedian?" I reply quite proudly "Yes I am" and I forgot in my elation that I usually don't speak about comedy in taxi's as I know what he is going to say next...I forgot and before I could think another thing I heard him say the inevitable "Do you swear?".
 

I have my stock answer "I don't swear anymore than the male comics or less than the local priest".
 

That usually makes them look into their mirror and then I hear him say "Ah...your one of those feminist women" as if the only way I could possibly answer them back is because I have a political agenda and some buckwheat sandals that I wear as I breastfeed foundlings on my lactating pendulous braless titties.
 

"No more a feminist than most of the male comics but usually more than the local priest, have you ever asked a male comic if he swears?" I add and hopefully this will end this painfully awkward corner we have talked our way into.
 

I just pull on my headphones (always great to get out of these situations) and nod to music as he mouths some shit I cannot hear but his eyebrows look knotted and angry.
 

I don't know why 'swearing' is something that female's have to be told not to do. Is it really that bad? Has anyone ever really hated Kevin Bridges, Frankie Boyle and Billy Connolly's language onstage to the point where they discuss with a pursed mouth?
 

Dara O'Briain says the word 'Feck' live on television, we all know it means 'fuck' does Dara get belittled for being an uneducated ill-informed swearer? No, he doesn't he is one of Ireland's most intelligent funny men.
 

So it is a class issue? I have seen very well spoken middle class English women swear in comedy and somehow it is more acceptable, especially if said by 'apparent slip of the tongue' or by the medium of a 'puppet' (see Nina Conti's filthy mouthed Monkey).
 

Does my swearing sound worse because I am a working class Scottish woman?
 

If I was a Oxbridge graduate swearing onstage would it be seen as 'urban and gritty' like a hipster getting angry at a flat tyre but in my accent does it sound really harsh and filthy and all you hear is a slovenly washer woman taking us back years with her filthy language?
 

Recently I attended a "Vote Yes" event for Scottish creative's.
 

All lovely people, authors, musicians in a Glasgow basement.
 

The male author swore, the musician had some choice language in his songs and not a word was spoken, but the female (who spouts the values a gender equality independence group) got up to introduce me she told the audience...
 

"Next up is comedian Janey Godley, she might use offensive language so if you are easily offended, please bear this in mind".


I walked to the stage so angry. I know she didn't do it to hurt me but despite being part of a gender equality group she was hardwired to apologise for a woman before that woman spoke. She never apologised after the men onstage swore. I never got that chance. The audience were told I was probably going to be offensive.
 

One day this will end.
 

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.
 

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 215

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 215 of Janey Godley's podcast, the comedy duo are a day late and Ashley is so hoarse of the throat she can hardly speak. Janey discusses her choice to support the YES campaign and they both talk about the awful patronising Better Together advert that made them change their mind.


Ashley debates the US gun laws as a child shoots an instructor with a machine gun. The news that Ashley's radio pilot is broadcast on Monday 1st September on BBC Radio Scotland is met with much delight.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 215


Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Edinburgh and the rain

Edinburgh and the rain
 
The rain featured heavily at this year's fringe festival, it was everywhere and everyone was talking about it. Bloody rain, doesn't need to pay PR yet gets front page news and was the word of mouth around town. I saw the rain ruin my favourite Underbelly's VIP bar The Abattoir. Am sad.

 
You see it doesn't matter how many minor royals attended your house party- the Scottish rain will batter you and soak your temporary garden centre for artistic type smokers and it will do it relentlessly until your ceilings bow and pretty girls in tea dresses and men in winged collars and top hats have to sit on a damp chaise lounge. I sat there as the water ran down my sad face near a petrified stuffed fox and wonky piano. It left me with trenchfoot.
 

It's Scottish rain, it's a sign of freedom, it will never stop until we all grow gills.
 

It also completely soaked the mock Tudor castle pancake/burger area at Gilded Balloon. People sat near a fake English roundhead soldier/archer in his plywood castle (no idea what that has to do with the Gilded Balloon or comedy) and they ate noodles smattered with rain.
 

It wasn't fun anymore and nobody could control it.
 

The BBC Potterow area was drenched, like the Scottish clouds somehow knew that hardly any Scottish comics featured on their big live line up shows in our own capital city and so in one last attempt at sticking two fingers up to the London BBC - it pissed gallons of water on it. Like Salmond himself was standing atop a monstrous inflatable sheep and emptying his giant bladder over the soft southern media types who insist in their blogs that we still eat deep fried mars bars and can't impregnate a panda.
 

The rain was awesome this year, am going to even say it was a mark of feminism (just to ensure some click bait).
 

But this was the year of THE FREE SHOWS.
 

Finally we witnessed the tremors of tingly fear of losing money from the big venue owners (this sleepless fear is normally assigned to comedians who are brought here by big London Agencies who ensure they are indentured slaves for the next six years as they work off their Edinburgh debt).
 

Yes some shows sold out fine, the ones with people 'aff the telly' and 'famous and young looking' did as well as can be expected. But the hundreds of other peripheral shows that prop up the rent/staff charges and are the backbone of the actual artistic end of the fringe (depending on your view) did not get the audience it expected. The FREE SHOWS were there to plug the gap.
 

The Free Shows were heaving and buckets were full of brown coloured Scottish notes. I went round 7 free shows on a Monday night, they were busy and watched comics rake in £90-£800 on a weekday night.
 

The BBC Potterow is also a 'free show' as it cannot charge for tickets therefore it's all day events sucked in thousands of people daily to its many shows. Their pay off is "we showcase many artists on the fringe and encourage people to attend shows" yes...but not if you are a Scottish comedian as they rarely had any of my Scottish comedy contemporary's on -but maybe Scottish people's licence fee cash isn't important to BBC? Who knows?
 

Some canny eagle eyed pundits of the fringe have said that many Scots in this year of referendum went up to The Stand ( a Scottish stalwart on the circuit and all year round Scottish comedy club) and spent their money there, in an act of spending their political pound - whilst they still have it.
 

I would like to find out if there is any truth in that theory and ask if the 'other side of town' got as much rain as the Bristo square area as a backup for the answer.
 

Me? I don't think it has anything to do with the referendum. I think for many years the fringe had outgrown its tag as the 'slightly edgy brother' to the elitist Edinburgh Festival and now has became too corporate for its own good (this has been said for many years now).
 

So organically as always happens in the 'arts' the FREE SHOWS have spawned their own 'freedom of expression and free to you' events and they have award winning comics to back it up.
 

When I mentioned FREE SHOWS on social media, people got back to me and said things like "I saw great shows and utter crap in the big paid venues but at least in the FREE SHOWS you can decide if you pay for that crap".
 

Some big venue owners have hit back with an amazing 'good question’.
 

"Well how do we know the comics collecting all that bucket cash are paying tax on it?"
 

My answer is two fold- if you are worried about the morals of comedians paying tax then make sure you never hire a comic who has a specific tax lawyer on their pay roll. That should salve your tax moral dilemma problems right there.
 

Secondly, who are you to worry about who is paying tax? Is this your new job?
 

So there we have it. Tax worries/ ticket worries and rain.
 

Next year after many years at paid venues I am coming to the fringe with a FREE SHOW.
 

A few reasons, we already do a podcast and ask for donations every week and the investment from people is amazing. Also I have noticed that my audience over the years are mainly older people (which is cool) with younger folk assuming my comedy is not accessible for them.
 

The other reason is, I want to support the FREE SHOWS and see how that grows up against the 'Fringe Festival'. Social media has changed everything, we can let people know where the gig is and even have a paypal link for shows? Who knows?
 

I think the FREE SHOWS would open me up to a wider age group with younger people taking more of a chance and if you listened to our podcast 'Janey Godley's Podcast' you would know my comedy is ageless and not some cupcake, knitting catalogue of grumpy observations.


So there we have it. Tremors have been felt, next year "we need a new business model for the fringe" is the latest buzz phrase.
I think we need a roof.
 

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.
 

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 214

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 214 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter have their last recording from the Edinburgh Fringe. They talk taxi queue fights, late night food, stupid reviewers and we have an appearance of the COCK BANDIT!



Janey discusses her 6 day headache and demands a beach holiday and gets mixed up with news about the beheading of a bush in Liverpool and real serious news. Ashley tells us how she feels about performing every night and how she never got to eat Michelin starred food in the Capital. The both discuss the ice bucket challenge.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.



Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 214



Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo



You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.



If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!



For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.



Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert



Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya



You can check out all our videos on: YouTube



Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook



Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes



You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!



We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 212

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 212 of Janey Godley's podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo that is Janey and Ashley are LIVE at the Edinburgh Fringe. They discuss comedy, shows and the ethos of what the fringe actually is and has become.



They are sitting backstage at the artists bar called The Abattoir and you can hear the music from the Underbelly. Janey tells us about a new play called The Collector and Ashley speaks about an Iranian play she took part in.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.



Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 212



Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo



You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.



If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!



For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.



Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert



Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya



You can check out all our videos on: YouTube



Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook



Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes



You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!



We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 211

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 211 of Janey Godley's podcast the mother and daughter duo broadcast from the flat at the Fringe, the pair discuss issues faced with an Israeli play at the Fringe, putting on a show with staff who don't know Janey and what happens when Janey tries to go on a bike.


The pair talk about how they differ from others, especially when it comes to getting things done, the loud noises from the road outside their flat and the angry sea gulls. This week's short episode encapsulates what it's like to come and do a show at the Fringe, mad cap, aggressive and slightly frightening.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 211


Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 210

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 210 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy duo that is Ashley Storrie and Janey talk all things Commonwealth. Ashley gives us her run down of the opening ceremony and her favourite bits.

Janey tells us the latest missing plane news and they both discuss Israel and Palestine. Ashley tells us about her avourite Victorian lady detective books. There is some summer singing and comedy news.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 210

Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo

You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!

For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 209

 

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

 
In episode 209 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy duo that is Janey Godley and her daughter Ashley Storrie gives us this week's latest news. The Commonwealth Games are close and the city is amazing, though both can't cope with the heat wave.
 

Ashley gives us an in depth view as to why she gave up religion and her attitude to organisations who 'stole' kids to send to the Commonwealth since the 1800s. Janey talks about her day in Buchanan Street when a man screamed at her about the independence debate. There is a horrorscope.
 

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 
Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 209

 
Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo

 
You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.

 
If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!

 
For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.

 
Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

 
Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

 
You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

 
Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 
Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

 
You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 
We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

 
 

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 207

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 207 of Janey Godley's podcast with comedians Janey and her daughter Ashley Storrie they chew the fat about the World Cup, tennis, Whitney Houston and Cliff Richard.


They discuss the Chinese masturbation machine, Donald Trump in Scotland and the issues of sexism in Goa. Ashley derails Janey's conversation about make-up and they both talk comedy podcasting.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 207


Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Always Scented Pads WHY??

I am a Scottish woman aged 53 years old. I have been having a menstrual period since 1979. 

My womb basically feels like a cluster bomb has erupted and the pain is two steps down from childbirth. 

Every 28 days I live on extra strong painkillers, on a few occasions I genuinely considered a morphine suppository and I go to sleep once a month petrified my bed will look like someone has left a horses severed head on the sheets. I live with it.

I adore that we no longer have the days of skanky ripped up rags or torturous panty pad belts that exacerbate the discomfort like some kind of kinky Catholic pain penance device, so don't think I am ungrateful for your pads. Their invention was long awaited.

What I cannot understand is what MAN in your department decided that 'scented' pads was the way to go. REALLY? SCENTED? Who was this man and why did he do this? Does he live with a woman?

The last thing I need to smell amongst the foul stench of stale blood and iron fillings is a 'hint of fresh flowers' permeating from my knickers as I go to for a pee or a pad change.

My poor husband bought these pads in a panic buy ( I was at home plotting to burn the city down) and he knew nothing of the 'fresh scented' addition. We are now divorced, well not really....but I shouted something's about his dead mother that I fear I can never take back.

You scented pads did this.

Just so you know, there are no 'scents' in the world that would cover up the dead fleshy honk that emanates from my womb, other than constant bathing and the kind of wipe down that is reminiscent of those forensic house cleaners after a dead body has been found in a static caravan.

So quit with the 'flowery scented pads' women's vagina's do not smell of flowers and never will unless I die from period pains and my husband shoves a bouquet up there as a lasting testimony about the stuff I said to him about his mum when he bought me your 'fresh scented pads'.

Thanks for this @janeygodley 

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 206

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 206 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy mother and daughter get into all things World Cup. As an official twitter pundit Ashley has plenty to say. Biting footballers, abject poverty and the shame of England as they come home early.


The chat about comedy at Edinburgh Fringe and discuss weird stories from around the globe. Janey does her now infamous Horrorscope.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 206


Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 205

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 205 of Janey Godley's Podcast the comedy mum with her stand up daughter Ashley Storrie get into the World Cup, crime, Tony Blair and all things football. 


They both discuss feminism and answer many questions. Ashley has gone stir crazy as she tweets every game played in the World Cup and hasn't left the house in days. Janey does her Horrorscope this week is Pisces.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 205


Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

We Are Glasgow

The commonwealth games are coming but visitors from around the globe needs to know a few things about us people of Glasgow.

1. The cone on Wellington's head is not graffiti, it's similar to the rooks in the Tower of London, if it's removed, Glasgow will fall. So our people replace it constantly, we are vigilant.

2. We will tell you our inner most medical history if you ask for directions, then walk you to that place as we show you photo's of a kidney stone.

3. We love to solve a problem and will include complete strangers in this task if you ask us to help, it will become a community project.

4. We will laugh at you loudly if you tell us you are Scottish especially if you weren't born here but you have grand parents who did, that doesn't count, you passport does.

5. We will swear constantly, even old people and bus drivers, it's how we communicate, if you ask us not to we will do it louder.

6. We have slang (secret language) for most things. Ruby Murray is a curry, nobody remembers who she is. Hampden roar means 'score' and Oscar Slater means 'later'.

7. Our men folk are often found half naked at the first sight of sun, and a beer can has to be carried as a tee shirt is tucked in a waist band.

8. The colder it gets the less our late night clubbers wear. Women have been seen in a nightslip and high heels in mid December.

9. We revere Greggs pies, we will queue for them at 1pm outside shops the way people stood with food coupons during the war.

10. Krispy Creme donuts are a rare commodity and can be traded for bed and board, like Mayan gold coins.

11. Don't ever sit in the disabled/elderly seats on a bus or train and think nobody will say anything, Glasgow people will swear at you.

12. Never jump a queue we are not English, we don't politely tut, Glasgow folk will tell you EXACTLY where you are in a queue and they will all join in.

13. If you hear screaming at 3am in the street, that's either the foxes or the mating call of Glaswegians and nobody is fighting. We fight silently.

14. We will talk to anyone who wants a chat, even passing each other in busy roads.

15. We will get out of moving vehicles to help you reverse park, then laugh at you for not being able to do it.

16. We wear a lot of sports clothing but rarely are into sport.

17. Our beautiful parks are stunning, go see them, it's where we let all our animals run wild, so don't be scared.

18. Always say hello to dogs, we all do that.

19. Never assume an elderly Glaswegian needs help across a road without asking them, they are proud and angry and might bite.

20. Fruit machines do not sell fruit.

21. Look up at our buildings in the city centre, we rival the best cities in our architecture and Glasgow people will point them out for you, the might call it "a cracking auld building".

22. We have amazing world culture in with our bricks, our Asians gave us great food and serve us late into the night with their outlandishly stocked shops- you can buy a beach LI-LO and milk at 2am, our Italian's gave us ice cream and many of our most diverse immigrants are our top doctors. They are our people now, you cannot have them back.

23. Our homeless and our poor are our cities people, give them a kind word and never look down on them, they are the birds that never flew, but they are our people and we welcome you.