Here I am again

Yesterday was hectic. I had finished my run at Wellington on the Saturday night and we had a small party type end of season get together. Jason John Whitehead got a wee bit drunk and we ended up having a pinching fight on the sofa during Jason Cook’s Asylum gig, I won but JJ did manage to throw beer into my crotch which stunk nicely. The crew down in Wellington are awesome, they just treated us like royalty and I repaid that by throwing beer around and getting giddy. I finally got into hotel at 5am, which in reality was madness as I had a kids show at 1pm. I am too old for thigh nipping, beer throwing high jinkery.

I got up Sunday morning, packed my entire belongings, checked out of hotel and headed to the kids show. I was Soooooooooo tired and the kids were awesome. Except for one fat dad who decided to heckle AT A KIDS SHOW!

Boy did he get a very contained, clean and scathing mouthful from me. The other parents sat there gobsmacked at how a man could sit and heckle at a kids show. It made the room tense, but then I explained to the kids that the reason the man kept shouting was because he never paid attention to teachers when he was small and sometimes adults who don’t get enough attention and drink too much late night lemonade shouldn’t keep pets never mind be in charge of a small human or monkey for that matter and should be respectful.

The kids laughed loudly, the other parent’s tutted at him and I got the kids to shout “Shut up grumpy adult” really loudly. I suspect wife beating racist was in the room but with kids in ear shot and his own son being equally mouthy, I restrained myself and gave him a Good Godley stare. He continued to shout out and heckle the amazing improvised story that Derek Flores was performing. We were aghast but felt sorry for his kid.

Then off we ran to the airport to catch a flight to Auckland as me and Maeve Higgins was on the Diva show at Sky City Theatre on landing basically. We were all so tired. When we landed in Auckland I noticed that Steve Coogan had shared the busy flight, we chatted and he asked me how the shows were going, he is on a world tour and off to Vancouver. He was lovely and I love his stuff, so that cheered me up. So then I squeezed into a 1971 Ford Capri with luggage that the Chris from the festival turned up in to get me to the hotel. It was like going back in time and he drove bare foot! The car made noises much the same as my own cranky chassis.

I got into the hotel at 6.50pm and bear in mind I was MC at 7.30pm at the big theatre which luckily was in the same hotel as we were staying.

I looked like a shit and needed to get my act together. The concierge came up to the room. He whipped out the iron, iron board, adjusted the iron heat, unpacked my makeup, made me tea and basically got everything ready for me! What a GUY! I was out the door with lovely clothes, full make up and tufty hair tied up and on stage for 7.30 on the dot!

Divas show was just great, I love working with women. We all giggled and laughed backstage and the show went like a dream. There was a meet and greet afterwards with some competition winners for me and Michelle A’ Court, normally that might feel like a horrific forced party but the women were awesome and we all chatted like old mates.

So on Monday I got ready for my show opening at Classic Comedy Club and it was awesome. But am glad that Sky City Hotel is looking after me, they are just BRILLIANT! Thank you guys.