Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 210

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 210 of Janey Godley's podcast the comedy duo that is Ashley Storrie and Janey talk all things Commonwealth. Ashley gives us her run down of the opening ceremony and her favourite bits.

Janey tells us the latest missing plane news and they both discuss Israel and Palestine. Ashley tells us about her avourite Victorian lady detective books. There is some summer singing and comedy news.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 210

Check out our podcast advert on Vimeo

You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!

For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.

Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Are we Humans Addiction and Attitudes ?

It was a busy day Friday 30th January, I called my 82 year old dad, like I do every day, there was no answer on his landline and he lives alone.


My heart clenched, I called his mobile trying hard to stem images of him lying at the bottom of his stairs in a crumpled heap, he quickly answered and I could tell he was in a busy 'outside' place.


He informed me he had got in a cab to go get a 'much needed haircut' his words. He is practically bald but let's not get into silly details, he basically escaped into the freezing cold with a thin jacket and a walking stick, the stick was tokenism (he uses it as a street pigeon sword not as a walking aid).


I told him to stay put, I was coming to meet him, I chose my words, for saying "I am coming to get you" makes him annoyed. I can see why, he fights for his basic independence and I get that, imagine you had a sign up at your door that said "DO NOT GO OUT ALONE" and you didn't have any other illness other than being a bit wobbly and old? You would fight that eh?


Anyway I jump out of the car at the shopping area, the sleety rain slashing me sideways, I leapt over flooded pavements and got into the barbers. It's a proper wee old Glasgow mans barber and there were four old blokes cutting four older blokes hair in a small room. I rushed in and quickly scanned the faces...no dad.


"Excuse me, was there a wee man just in, probably wearing a waistcoat, tie and suit combo?" I blurted out.


My mouth was dry, where was my dad? Was he lying in a street face down in a puddle surrounded by pecking pigeons bleeding from a head wound as the sleet landed on his dead body?


The barber closest to me smiled and said "Was that a wee dapper bloke with a lovely smile and ..."
I shouted interrupting him "My dad, where is he, was he here? Shut up with the long winded story..wee man in a waistcoat?" My frantic eyes must have been swinging wildly round the room.


The old men all look scared, I wasn't up for barber chit chat....where is my dad? The bloke behind him wielding a comb over a pensioners head quickly said "Your dad was here, just left two minutes ago."


I ran as I banged the door behind me and spotted the MacDonald's beside the barbers and ran full pelt nearly knocking people over at the bus stop. Where was my dad, was he lying in the car park? Was that family of foxes that reside there eating him? Then through the big glass windows I spot him, sitting banging his mobile off the table with a wee red face and very shiny head. Through the doors I go.


"Dad" I shout and he looked up.


"This mobile is rubbish, I tried calling you am ready to batter it to bits" he yelled as he ripped the phone off his neck and shoved it at me.


"Dad, why didn't you call me and I would have taken you to the barbers, its freezing out there and am worried" I blurt out.


He looked at me with his twinkly blue eyes that belie his 82 years and said "Janey, I once ripped up the cinema seats when a Bill Haley film came to the cinema in Shettleston so I could make room for the women dancing, I drove a tank in National Service and spent my childhood hiding from German bombs, if I want to go for a haircut nobody will stop me." He is right.


I am glad he still has that spiky streak inside him, he recently recovered from a stroke and I suppose I should be grateful for his determined grit, as I am my father's daughter. As we drove dad home, he pressed the button to play the radio and by utter coincidence my comedy monologue was on BBC Scotland. Dad sat quietly chuckling away at my story about an elderly woman in Glasgow "you are funny you know" he said.


The day got better, my daughter Ashley could finally announce that her radio sitcom pilot has been commissioned and it was her one year anniversary of doing stand-up comedy as well. Both of us were onstage at night on different parts of the city.


I was at Glasgow Jongleurs and the crowd were amazing, I had a great night. I love the home crowd and after the show, I stood outside waiting on my lift home. It was still very cold and the icy rain slashed at my face.


The people outside the club were gathering as the show was over, at that moment a small skinny guy in a thin jacket wandered over to me. He stood shivering and whispered something in my direction.


"Excuse me, I can't hear you come closer" I said. He walked nearer, he had sores round his mouth and his eyes were dead looking. "Can you spare me some change, sorry for asking" he said.


Now, I don't know nor care for anyone else's policy on the street beggars but I always ask them their name and offer a few coins, as it's my money and I don't care if they spend it on drugs, as I used to own a pub and never told alcoholics how to spend their cash and in Scotland booze kills more people than drugs.


"My name is Davey" he mumbled and thanked me for the cash. He then moved very discreetly onto the crowd coming out of the comedy gig and a few guys shouted and pushed him away being really abusive. "Ya Junkie, beat it" they yelled.


Well, my hackles went up. I stepped into the crowd and grabbed Davey by the arm and put him behind me and shouted "Guys, really? This is how you treat people? You don't have to give him money but you don't have to give him abuse, he is someone's son, his mistakes are his business but don't abuse him."


The wee crowd immediately noticed the wee woman in the big parka was the woman just off stage and they all wanted to tell me how much they enjoyed the show. They forgot about Davey and drunkenly wanted to shake my hand and be nice which is cool but I was still annoyed at the abuse he got.


"Thanks for enjoying my comedy but please don't abuse this wee guy or any other homeless or person begging on our streets, please be a wee but humane eh?" I asked them. To their defence they apologised and Davey slopped off into the rain, shivering. My heart was like a brick in my chest, I know you can't fix people and you can't cure the begging and drugs etc, but you can be polite and humane can't you? My brother and my cousin both died as a result of drug addiction and half my relatives were alcoholics, it affect us all.


I got my lift home and wondered how Ashley got on at her gig four streets away. It was a gig that had a predominately a gay audience.


She came home 40 minutes later and told me she had a brilliant time onstage, she was glowing as she told me all about it and was buzzing, I know that feeling and I smiled as she recounted the show. Then she added "Mum, a wee guy in a thin jacket wandered round and was begging outside the gig and he was so cold looking and had sores on his face, I gave him some change and the gay guys from the audience were so kind to him as well, one of them gave him gloves and a scarf."


You see humanity exists in Glasgow, they may not be the same as us, they may have different life choices but the homeless and the beggars on the street don't deserve to be abused, you can ignore them, you can step over them, you can get concerned if they are Eastern European begging gangs...I get that... but please don't abuse them. When famous people die of drug addiction, the world views it so differently and there are outpourings of 'wasted life' well, they are ALL wasted lives then. It takes us all to make a wee difference.


So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.

A Christmas Shelter

"Mammy, look there's Santa" the wee girl said as she stared at the big tinsel dressed window. One mitten fell off her hand and she struggled between the leather clad shoes and big boots to pick it up, a red mitten trampled into the slush and snow, her wee white fingers snatched it up and shook it fiercely, 'don't let mammy know it's wet' she thought, mammy is sad today. Her mother was busy trying to push the big pram with William wrapped up inside, through the crushing city centre, full of people with boxes, and bags all getting ready for Christmas day. Wee Julia wanted to run up to Lewis's window and take in all the colours, look at the dancing toys, the Tippy Tumble dolls, the Hula Hoops the lights, but she knew her mammy was upset and in a hurry to go somewhere.


"Come on Julia" her mammy shouted as the wheels of the big pram slid and slipped through the dirty slushy snow that had been churned by the many Glaswegians who flocked to the city centre to get their shopping done. The lights in the city were fascinating to Julia, the red and green flashes glinting off the chrome suspension of the pram as she gripped on tight with a damp red mitten. "Where are we going mammy?" Julia asked...secretly hoping her mammy would say 'Santa, we are going to see him and let you sit on his knee and get William a big car and a doll for you' but she knew that wasn't what was happening.


Last week when her daddy never came home and the women up the same close gathered round and hugged mammy and made her tea, she knew something bad was happening. In her stomach there was that tight feeling, it was the same feeling when she wet the bed in the night, a slow scary feeling of life draining away. It was her 'daddy and the drinking' she heard Mrs Woods say so, and mammy just sat there with William on her knee. Mrs Woods let Julia into her house to see the American man land on the moon in the summer time, she was a nice woman who made big dumplings and gave them to mammy, now she was holding mammy as she cried. Maybe daddy wasn't coming home this time, he promised her a budgie from Santa. Would she still get a budgie?


"Can you move the pram please" an angry red faced woman shouted at Julia's mum as they tried to cross the road at the bottom of Argyle Street. Julia's mum grabbed her mitten hand and tried to get the big pram across the busy road but all the blankets and bags underneath and on top were making it hard to push in the snow. Julia was scared of the busy traffic.


After what felt like hours, they made their way right up into the West End of Glasgow with the snow slashing into them sideways. Julia vaguely recognised the streets, she remembered her Granny McClure lived up here, she was her daddy's mammy and had a big front door house with a garden. She was scared of her Granny McClure, she wasn't like Mrs Woods who hugged and kissed you and let you pet her wee dog Prince. Granny was skinny, angry and wore fancy shoes that made loud clacking noises on the tiled kitchen floor where she seemed to keep Julia and William sat when they came to visit. Julia hadn't seen the rest of the house but she knew it smelled of floor polish.


Julia's mum bumped the big pram up the five white washed stairs at the front of the house, the two white columns that stood either side of the broad mahogany door were entwined in thick vicious looking holly leaves and a tall tree twinkled in the big bay window. "Look mammy, a big tree!" Julia clapped her damp mittens in excitement, but her mammy was too busy trying to keep the bundles of clothes from falling out of the pram.


Julia bit on her wet mittens as she watched her mammy fix her brown coat and quickly drag a hair grip into the side of head where the brown curls escaped, her mammy had beautiful curly hair, but it looked messy and damp today.


Her mammy lifted the door knocker and rapped on the door. Julia felt scared, she didn't know why, but her mammy's nervousness was spreading to her, why was her mammy worried?


At that moment William screamed and tried to sit up, but the bundles of clothes seemed to be suffocating him. Julia's mammy quickly pulled them off the top of the pram and eased the fat faced baby up into a sitting position as the door was flung open wide.


A formidable thin woman in a pink two piece cardigan set and calf length tweed skirt stood staring at them. Her hair was set in tight curls and her glasses were perched on her sharp nose.


"You need to call me before you visit Eileen, I have the church ladies round for tea" the woman spoke with a hint of venom as she quickly looked over her shoulder and stepped outside and closed the door behind her.


"Donald has left me and the kids are hungry Elizabeth, he is your son and these are your own grand children, we have nowhere to go and he spent the last of his wages on the drink, we have been evicted" Julia's mammy said quickly but with more conviction Julia had ever seen her use when she spoke to Granny McClure. Julia stared up at her granny and smiled, she reached out one damp mitten, took the woman's hand and said "can I see your big tree Granny?"


The thin woman recoiled and shook off Julia's hand and hissed " You listen to me Eileen, I told him not to marry you and get involved in your drunken Irish family, this is not my problem, Donald is up in Inverness now staying with my sister, he deserves a better start in life, go back to Donegal and find your own kind" and with that she slammed the door.


Eileen, Julia and William walked through the streets of Glasgow until night time came. The Christmas lights twinkled down and the people spilled out of pubs and folk were heading home to their warm hearths. Julia watched her mammy make some phone calls from the big train station in Glasgow and finally sit down on the benches and wrap both her and William up in the blankets. Julia climbed into the pram with her brother and even though she was too big, they cuddled up together.


Eileen sat homeless and cold in Central Station that night, and as the Salvation Army played Christmas carols to the people thronging back and forth, she pulled her brown coat around her body and pulled out the dumplings wrapped in greaseproof paper to feed the kids in the pram.


"Excuse me, you can't sleep here with your pram missus" the policeman said. Eileen blinked and slowly pulled herself to her feet and quickly grabbed her bags "sorry sir" she muttered and pushed the pram back out of the cavernous train station and its shelter from the driving snow.


"Hang on" he said as she tried hard to stop the pram from slipping from her grip into the main road.


Eileen didn't want to hang on, she knew full well a homeless Irish woman with two kids would only get the authorities onto her case and take her precious babies away. She skittered and slipped and tried to make off with as much grace and speed with a lumbering pram. The police man put his hand on her shoulder and Eileen froze, she wept silently and turned to face him.


The next thing Julia recalled she was in a bus in the early frozen morning light. She must have slept all night in the pram.


"Where are we mammy?" she asked as the bus bumped along and cut through the frozen countryside. Julia sat up and looked hard for red mittens in her wee duffel coat. William was sitting on her mammy's lap and eating a big slice of cold ham. Her mammy's face wasn't as tight and pinched, in fact her mammy looked happy for the first time in ages and was smiling at Julia. "We will be going on a big boat to Ireland and you are going to meet your Granny Coyle, she will be so happy to see you both."


"Does she have a big tree like Granny McClure?" Julia asked.


Her mammy smiled and hugged her close, she put William over her shoulder and patted his back and stared across the snow covered fields near the ferry terminal.


It was a frozen night in Glasgow on December 2013, the young woman with brown curly hair pulled on her red mittens as she wrapped a big coat round her and crunched into the frozen snow and headed towards the West End. Her friends waved her off and made promises to meet up later at The University Cafe on the Byres Road. The snow came at her sideways but her strong legs kept her going.


She walked up to the big brown door and smiled at the glittering tinsel covering the white portico and heard footsteps in the hallway as she banged on the door knocker. It was all newly painted, just renovated and ready for the coldest season.

A wee elderly woman with curly hair and soft round cheeks opened the door holding a plate of steaming dumpling.


"Granny Eileen, am here to help out." The young woman said as her granny pulled her in the warm hallway "We've got a full house tonight Maggie, lots of people needing a hot meal and a warm bed." the old woman said indicating the bustling sitting room and crowded dining room either side of her.


"Can I see the big tree first Granny?" Young Maggie asked, her face lighting up just as her mothers had done all those years ago, her Mitten covered had reaching out to her hard working Grandmother.


"Through in the big room, I've left the angel for you... away up that ladder and stick it on." Eileen said smiling, as she watched her tall granddaughter bounce, all long limbs and a daft grin, through the crowd of strangers to put the angel on the top of the tree.


Eileen turned wistfully to a brass plaque and pulled a duster from the waist of her apron, she rubbed the lettering carefully and couldn't help the small devious chuckle that emitted from her lips:
The Elizabeth McClure Homeless shelter, in honour of a Christian woman


"Merry Christmas you old cow." Eileen uttered before clearing her throat and turning back to her house full of 'guests' "Right who wants dumplings?" she called before heading back to the kitchen.


So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates and daily shenanigans.


Please help the homeless this Christmas, many children in Glasgow spend the season in temporary accommodation, click the link and help them this year http://scotland.shelter.org.uk/  
 

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 173

 

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

In episode 173 of Janey Godley's podcast, the comedy mother and daughter duo do a special LA episode, joined by actor and Canadian Jeremy Ratchford, this podcast episode is filmed and will be available to watch in its entirety on Janey’s YouTube channel.

 
The three discuss homelessness in LA, Janey’s father’s recent health scare and the odd things they’ve seen in LA. The mother and daughter then teach Jeremy some Scottish words and they discuss Boyz II Men.

 
Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

 
Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 173 Our view on: YouTube

 
Check out our Nomination for the 9th Annual Podcast awards

 
You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.

 
If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!

 
For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.

 
Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert

 
Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya

 
You can check out all our videos on: YouTube

 
Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

 
Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes

 
You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

 
We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.