Me and my stand up comedy daughter Ashley Storrie
are doing the comedy stage at RockNess, despite the press releases mistakenly
calling her Ashley Godley and me Janey Godle....yes I know sounds like
'coddle', ok typos aside....am worried.
Glastonbury was amazing when I performed there a few
times, but the flooding and extreme cold and the day Ashley jumped into a
bloated stream to save someone, hasn't quite left me. I am scared of biblical
flooding, especially when we are far from home and the nearest thing surviving
better than you is a gnarly cow-makes me feel jittery. We used a rowing boat to
get to the comedy tent, it was that deep under water, where is Kevin Costner
when you need him?
Now I know RockNess isn't as isolated than
Glastonbury and it may or may not have better facilities for artists, I don't
know yet. Am now planning my 3 day stay the way some people get ready for an
apocalyptic survival situation.
"We must have water tablets, heat packs, freezer
pack, dried apricots, solar panels, sausages and packs of bacon" I explain
shrilly to Ashley who is questioning my sudden desire for survival food and weird
shit pork based products.
"Mum, we don't need all those fancy perishables,
just some cans of tuna, dried pasta and teabags for the 67 pints of tea you
down daily" she added. I stared at her. Ashley is so excited about
Rockness, in her head there are sexy men, sunshine, nights round a camp fire,
days filled with camping camaraderie and hours spent making daisy chain in the
long grass as music fills our ears.
I see a nuclear wipe out and cholera.
Ashley looked at my food packing list.
"Are you having a Nigella type dinner party,
with a Campari fountain, some home baked cheese quiche and sorbet served on
fresh mint leaves? No, mum you will eating beans from a can and sitting near a
tent in the rain" she laughed at me.
Am now thinking of getting a pop up tent with a big
gazebo over that, some waterproof curtains round the gazebo, a gas fire, a
fitted carpet, a three piece suite, some Egyptian cotton sheets a few
occasional tables and a full cooker and microwave....basically I want a
bungalow in a campsite. I am a twat.
Ashley is horrified at my panicking and my planning
for Armageddon and not a happy three day camping trip with performing in
between. I suppose I have to shut up and just accept it will rain, I will get
close to a beetle or worm, I will get cold, I will want to kill people who talk
too loud when I am trying to sleep, I will cry and want to go home....am such a
feeble minded shit bag.
So if you are going to RockNess and you have a
luxury campervan and you will parked near the comedy tent where we are...can I
be your best pal?
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on
twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.
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