The new system is you get to print out
your own ticket which is an A4 sheet with a scan code on it, much better than
58 wee orange tickets we normally get, so am happy about this. Anyway, I got
into the first class carriage and sat at a four to a table seat and promptly
stuck my case underneath, as I have short legs and it means I can raise my legs
up and nap. If the train is busy and people need to sit with me, I move it. Am
not a twat.
So, a big posh man, with elbow patches
and mustard cords (what the fuck is that about?) kicked my case and asked me to
move it so he could join me.
"listen there are heap of seats in
the next carriage, it's all unreserved, if you don't mind, we won't have to
share" I explained and pointed to the next first class carriage which was
indeed empty. I didn't want to sit beside someone in a near empty carriage,
there were plenty seats around me and next door.
"This is actually first class, are
you meant to be here" he sneered and kicked my case again. Yes, he
actually asked me that.
I looked at him, smiled and said
"No, I have skipped in, please don't tell anyone, but I get free food and
wifi and I take all the sandwiches home"
He looked horrified, pressed the door
button and walked into the next carriage.
Seconds later, before the train had even
moved, the ticket guy train manager came through shouting "Tickets and
passes please?" looking at me with mustard cords behind him, pointing and
twitching and waiting to see me get ejected. Who does that?
"Do I really need to get my ticket out?"
I pleaded...I could see mustard cords stand still behind the ticket guy staring
at me, still smirking. So I pulled out my first
class A4 self printed ticket and presented this to the guard, who smiled
thanked me and moved on.
Of course I had a first class ticket!
Mustard cords was raging angry he sputtered "You said you didn't have a
first class ticket, you are a filthy liar" he hissed at me, his face was
red and angry and I could see a purple vein pulse on his temple.
At that the train manager stopped....
and watched our exchange.
"I can say anything the fuck I want
to you, you are a member of the public and have no right to ask me questions,
so shut it Cunty Mc Wunty! I have to be honest with him (I pointed to the train
manager), you are an insulting dick, I can say whatever I want to you now move
on mustard cords, you are ruining my first class experience" I plugged in
my IPod and let Bob Seger take me away to his Hollywood Nights.
Mustard cords stood his ground, staring
at me, hands on plump hips, the ticket man had moved off and I mouthed to
mustard cords "I photocopied this ticket" and giggled.
He was about to explode when the
catering guy appeared , I unplugged my ears, he poured me a coffee and said
"Hiya Janey, how you- fancy a bacon sandwich?" I know most of the catering crew on trains by
the sheer amount of travel that I do, I smiled and said "yes".
Mustard cords tried to beat a hasty
retreat, this is difficult with doors that you need to press and wait to open,
he could hear me laughing as the door whooshed closed behind him.
That awful repugnant wee prick of a man
got off at Preston and as the train pulled away I smiled and waved. He sneered
and spat at the window...coz he thinks he is upper class and that's how that
works sometimes.
Not all anti social behaviour is from
working class commoners with track suits tucked into their socks, swigging beer
and being obnoxious in public, sometimes it comes from people who regardless of
their assumed standing in public....and they can be utter bastards.
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on
twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.
