Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 182

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

 

 

In episode 182 of Janey Godley's podcast with comedian Ashley Storrie, the mother and daughter chat this week about Mark Duggan, Morrissey, train journey's and shaving pubes. Janey gives her list Things I Told My Daughter and explains how Ashley isn't her real daughter.


Both women chat about 'normal lives' and how Ashley can't get a boyfriend and has arrested development. Ashley raves about Bill Bryson's book ‘One Summer’.


Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.


Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 182


You can get tickets for Ashley’s Glasgow comedy festival show


You can get your amazing Janey Godley's Podcast T-Shirts, Hoodies and Phone covers from RedBubble.


If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto our Donate Page and donate via PayPal or like us on Facebook or by signing up to Dropbox, it’s free to use! And you will always have your stuff when you need it with @Dropbox!


For more information on how you can help Matthew McVarish visit The Road to Change website.


Check out our Brad Pitt Style Perfume Advert


Check out: The saga of Tim and Freya


You can check out all our videos on: YouTube


Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook


Please rate us or leave a comment on: PodOmatic, ITunes


You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!


We hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Sunshine and Screams

Edinburgh had been basked in sunshine when I arrived last week. I kept staring up to the sky wondering ‘what is going on’ and when it will batter down with rain. (The answer was -a short shower after I got my hair done obviously).

Having decided not to do the fringe this year (which am totally not regretting for reasons you will read later) but am enjoying the gigs and getting to see heaps of shows. Firstly if you like theatre go see Mon Droit at Pleasance Below everyday at 2pm it’s a cracking play about the American man who was obsessed by the Queen and ended up off meds and they found his bones on an Island in St James’s park 3 years after his demise. Mike McShane the actor/comic wrote it and performs it with the stunningly good actress Suki Webster. I saw it twice. My musician mate Roland Gift adored it and he is a pretty hard theatre critic to crack!

So, back to my late night shenanigans at the fringe, staying out late, running to do Set List at 1am (which is a must see just to watch the ego of comics struggle with the subject matter and come out the other end with their headline reputation intact) or SPANK! Which is legend late night hooteypookey comedy high jinkery at 2am- all of which I love.

You need to see Edinburgh in the late night sunset, there is no beauty like it, with castles, steeples and monuments poking the red slashed horizon and offering up a postcard image to everyone with a camera. Then add the swirling pipes, fighter jets and drums of the tattoo in the background and you are pretty much set to vote independence even if you don’t live in my country!

I got to meet awesome people, for instance Neil Gaiman the legendary author/comic book genius joined me for a podcast interview and accepted gratefully The Standard a comic book written by Ashley Storrie’s best pal John Lees, the Glasgow comic book writer.

Neil was so generous and accepted the comic book from John and said “hurrah, something to read on the way home!” I love that man.

And still the sun shone, the cobbles glittered and venues over heated and people sweated and beer was sold in swimming pool quantity’s to fringe going guzzlers. The reviews came out, hopes were dashed, shows were lauded and some comedians affected a swagger that they didn’t arrive with. They are set for glory....

I watched one well known bloke off the telly give a press photographer who asked him to turn to the left -a right hard time shouting “mate just take the picture eh?” the photographer basically threw his hand up clicked and said “fine” then turned to me and added “won’t be my fault his photo looks like shit” The famous bloke (who didn’t know me obviously- why would he?) glared at me (he thought I was the photographers assistant) and said “how hard is it to do your job?” I kinda felt for the bloke, he was besieged by young girls demanding a photo and a press man demanding a decent photo...fuck it must be hard being that famous....all that fixing your hair for photo’s and being rude for no good reason...mind you one person got his name wrong and walked away shouting “it’s not him, it’s the wanker that looks like him” people can be cruel and justice can be swift.

I had some gigs around town, basically ‘taking work from the comics who came up with a show and deserve that work’ as I overhead one comic describe me....she still doesn’t know I heard her! Fuck was funny...anyway I was booked for BBC radio 4 Just a Minute and was shitting it.

If you don’t know, Just a Minute is a BBC legendary radio show that is basically an institution and you don’t want to fuck it up.

I was so excited and nervous about doing it that I almost had an a mild stroke, but as always Paul Merton and his comedy compatriots put me through my paces. I came out the other end and had a great time, you can hear it on 20^th August at 6.15 (same day we do the play #timandfreya which is at Pleasance attic at 7.15pm)

So we all had a lovely dinner in Edinburgh after the radio show and I was so relaxed and happy and relieved Just a Minute was done, I strolled down the Cowgate heading to meet a friend. I got a call on my mobile and it was my daughter Ashley who was back in Glasgow.

“emm...Mum, hello, you ok?” she sounded drunk I think...which is unusual at that time of night, almost nine pm.

“You ok Ashley, what you doing?” I chirped back.

“Am gonna go, speak soon.....” she mumbled. I felt icy cold blood run behind my eyes and my scalp tightened.

My heart thumped in my chest; somehow the mummy psychic umbilical cord whipped across the red skies of Edinburgh and hooked its sinewy fibres over the tenements of Glasgow and slung back into my 26 year old daughter “Ashley speak now and tell me what’s wrong” I spoke clearly as a girl waited for me to finish the call so she could tell me about her show as she flicked a flyer at me.

“Mum am in an ambulance, I fell or fainted...I don’t know where I am” she whispered. She sounded about 7 years old, I could hear the fear and confusion in her voice.

“Call your dad now he is in Glasgow, let him know where ambulance is going am on my way home” I hung up and the girl rolled her eyes exhausted waiting for me to get off phone “excuse me can I have two minutes to tell you about my show?” I stared at her, my mind checking I had credit cards, cash and a quick route to Waverley Station and shouted “no, now get out of my way quick”  I pushed her aside and set off.

“How fucking rude and you are a comedian as well” she screamed at me as my flip flops slapped the cobbles and I made to Waverley Station in Usain Bolt mode, pushing people out of the way and looking like a woman in a panic.

I caught the train and sat there willing it to move, I now know why Speed the movie worked, I wanted to break into the cabin and scream “Fucking make the train go fast -no stops, no Croy, no Falkirk just GO TO GLASGOW”

I sat there staring at my reflection all I could think of was my girl, wee with bunches smiling and clapping, or standing on stage as a young woman or graduating university with me weeping with pride, now all I can see in my head is my beautiful daughter lying on a Glasgow street, vulnerable, scared confused and not knowing where she is. All I could imagine was blood seeping out of wounds, people staring at her wondering if she is drunk, someone lifting her skirt, stealing her bag, watching her struggle to breathe?

None of that happened from what she recalled she collapsed and a woman held her in her arms and stroked her head and whispered to her “you will be ok, am here” and then she woke up in the ambulance with paramedics asking questions. Who by the way when Ashley explained her mum was in Edinburgh as she is a comedian they made a point of telling her they had never heard of me since I haven’t been on telly. This made Ashley smile but she never got the name of the pavement Angel who made sure she was safe. Meanwhile for me the train took forever.

By the time I got home Ashley was out of hospital and showed me her bruises and needed hugged.

She is fine we still don’t know what happened, she had really low blood sugar and we presumed she fainted but we are organising investigation with the doctor/hospital. Thanks for all the nice messages and thanks to the woman who helped my girl as she lay on the concrete outside Italian cafe Paperinos on Byres road.

So we all go back to fringe on Monday 20^th to do the play #timandfreya at 7.15 at Pleasance.

So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on twitter @JaneyGodley for updates.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 105

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 105 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy duo get into the criticism of G4S the Olympic security team and parody their theme tune. Janey asks Ashley her opinion on ‘blades’ for Paralympics.

Ashley explains to her mother the legalities of photographing and exposing the public on Twitter as Janey debates her #timandfreya story which went viral last week. Ashley gives us the full list of #50shadesof reality and talks about MC Frontalot.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 105

Check out The saga of Tim and Freya

Check out Janey Godley’s Comic Strip

You can check out all our videos on YouTube

Check out Ashley’s 50 Shades of Reality Here

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Tim & Freya the full story & Conclusion!

This entire story happened and was tweeted live by me Janey Godley from a Virgin train from Glasgow to London.

Follow me on Twitter @janeygodley

Ø Couple on train before it’s even moved have fallen out over "her inability to accept the truth" this will be fun. @VirginTrains.

 

Ø She just told him" I can accept the truth you are incapable of speaking it NOW WHO the FUCK is TIA and why did she email you.

 

Ø The train hasn't even MOVED yet.

Ø He said "Tia isn’t working with us anymore she lives in Rome now" she said "lucky fucking her is she a nun then?" and slammed her bag down.

Ø He hissed" shut up Freya, we never had anything going on it was when we were staying in Bognor remember?" she says "yes Bognor".

 

Ø Freya says "you were impotent in Bognor or were you just exhausted fucking Tia". 

Ø He (Tim) is staring at floor Freya is eating a sandwich in a furious chompy manner as if it was his limp cock ( am guessing). 

Ø Freya is on her text and Tim is pretending to ignore her. Tim-"who are you sending that piece of shit to?" "ur mum" she said. 

Ø @VirginTrains brill am tweeting an argument between Freya and Tim sitting near me. 

Ø Tim just rubbed his eye "stop grooming me Freya" he said. She stared and said "did Tia 'groom' you? (She did rabbit fingers). 

 

Ø Tim has gone to loo Freya just called 'Lisa" on mobile "I hate him Lisa he never explains his emails or texts that I find" .

Ø Freya is off the phone. 

Ø I think Freya is a psychotic bitch Tim might have jumped from the train.

Ø Tim is back. 

Ø "Now tell me everything about Tia" she hisses and Tim is staring at her I think he is scared. 

Ø She just PLUCKED out one of his eyebrows out in the middle of a conversation with her fingers! 

Ø Tim tried to hold her hand but Freya just grabbed his face and snogged him. 

Ø Train is moving fine now Freya is gripping Tim’s hand imploringly. 

Ø "I love you Tim” says Freya.

Ø Tim says "I was close to Tia back in 99 before we met" fucking NO TIM don't tell her! Freya is smiling encouraging him to tell. 

Ø "Tia and I flat shared in Manchester in late 90s was wild times" Tim smiled wistful. 

Ø Freya is actually gnashing her jaw how can Tim not see this? "Wild how?" she asks. 

Ø "I told you I was in a band at Uni back in late 90s" Tim pleads. Freya snorts “was it Oasis?" and laughs really loudly at Tim.

Ø Tim stupidly explains "we did a few festivals together when I was in the band" Freya laughs “what BAND? You were in a band?" 

Ø Tim has got up and walked off Freya is on phone to her pal Lisa “did you know this wanker was in a band? Me neither". 

Ø Oh my god Freya doesn't know this poor bastard was in a band - what band?

Ø "Lisa am getting the morning after pill I have six hours left to make sure am not pregnant to this loser" said Freya. 

Ø Tim is back he is looking at me suspiciously hope he can't see me tweeting.

Ø Tim "Freya I never loved Tia - it was 98 last time I saw her, she emailed to say she is in Rome living please stop fighting”. 

Ø Tim "I love you Freya" FUCK don't love her Tim she hates you!

Ø Tim is back to staring at floor Freya is smiling.

Ø "Am pregnant” Freya just said to Tim. Oh My FUCKING god she isn't she is going to take morning after pill DO I STEP in? 

Ø Tunnel.

Ø "Are you sure?" he is asking. She is glaring at him " of course am sure am a woman are u calling me a liar?"

      Ø Meanwhile am shaking my head at him mouthing the word LIAR.

Ø He isn't looking at me I must not get involved.

Ø Freya just said "well I might not be pregnant but am thinking of not taking the morning after pill which is same thing".

Ø There is another watcher to this story just spotted a man watching me watching them he has raised an eyebrow at me.

Ø Tim "that's not the same as being pregnant for fucking hells sake Freya take the pill I don't want this anymore" people staring.

Ø Freya just said “I love you don't leave me what about Debra?" 

Ø Who the fuck is Debra? 

Ø Tim has turned away from me and said "Debra will be fine don't pretend you loved her as well?"  I want to ask who Debra is.

Ø Freya "Debra needs grooming" please oh fuck please let Debra be a horse and not a child.

Ø "Am not paying to keep her anymore Tim if you leave me" Freya says  an guessing Debra is s horse.

Ø He says "am riding Debra this week" phew Debra is a horse/ pony/ thing.

Ø "Look can we stop talking about your fucking horse and explain why u r leaving me?" says Freya. 

Ø Tim "you pretended to be pregnant Freya".

Ø "I didn't pretend I said I might be you always make me the liar Tim" says Freya "I wish I recorded what u said” says Tim. 

Ø I wish Debra was another woman he is riding and I wish I could tell Tim I have recorded what Freya said.

Ø Tim stormed off Freya is crying into phone "Lisa he is being horrible and I think am pregnant if i don't take morning after".

Ø She is tall slim blonde English with big Smokey eye makeup he is rugged tall and dark English posh.

Ø Tim is back with four cans of beer and has SAT AT ANOTHER TABLE. 

Ø Personally I don't think she is pregnant and is lying but am just a watcher.

Ø Freya has got up and sat beside Tim trying to hug him.

Ø He is wearing dark suit jacket blue shirt she is wearing fawn coat and big boots. 

Ø Tim is ignoring Freya's attempts to reconcile half way down the train a toddler fell and there is baby screams.

Ø The baby screams very well timed Tim is talking to 'RUPPY' his pal.. Oh My GOD Tim just got up and ran off train at Carlisle.

Ø Train is moving off now and Freya is just banging on window ! Even I didn't expect that! Fuck TIM is OFF.

Ø Ladies and gentlemen Tim is off at Carlisle and waving.

Ø Tim is off the train twitpic.com/9z8jxb

Ø Freya is sitting pretending she didn't care Tim is off and is moving cans to the side she is calling Lisa on phone.

Ø @JaneyGodley: Ladies and gentlemen Tim is off at Carlisle and waving.

Ø Freya to Lisa "He just got off train at Carlisle… Yes he took his bag and ran off. Am taking the pill now he is such a wimp".

Ø Freya has moved seats left the beer and applying make up and rustling a bag with BOots chemist logo e.

Ø She is taking the pill (thank god) and is now talking on her phone.

Ø "He was good at going down" WTF ? Who is she speaking to?

Ø "We didn't really make a go of it he prefers horses and was in Iraq for most of the year?" she is saying.

Ø Am guessing Tim was in army? Why else would you go to Iraq?

Ø TIM has called her PEOPLE TIM is on the phone.

Ø "Fuck you Tim" Freya is shouting "am getting off next stop Marcus is coming to get me".

Ø Tim hung up by the sounds of it and now Freya is sitting staring out of the window.

Ø I hope Tim and his horse go to Rome and find Tia.

Ø Freya calling Lisa "by the way Stella McCartney is really ugly close up & a bit fat, I hate her stuff”. 

Ø Freya to Lisa" yeah he is off the train fuck him Marcus is going to meet me at Next stop".

Ø Freya is staring at me.

Ø Am dying to ask if she is ok to get who Marcus is.

Ø Lisa has called TIM.

Ø "I don't give a fuck Tim" she is shouting.

Ø "Take your horse and stick it up your arse for all I care and I hope you find a woman who doesn't mind your shit cock".

Ø "go back to Iraq with your mates or whatever they are called ...well ..That then ...regiment ...whatever, I don't care".

Ø "Am not pregnant who said I was pregnant? Don't you dare slag Lisa" Freya on phone to Tim.

Ø "I am meeting Marcus at ..." puts hand over phone asks me " what is next station?" me- "Oxenhome" her "what?" 

Ø Freya to Tim on phone "am meeting Marcus at Oxenhome if you must know l". 

     Ø Freya is crying now.

Ø I gave went over ... Am in ... Am offering a hankie.

Ø She stared at me funny am back in my seat am out again.

Ø She is pretending to sleep.

Ø Freya is up shed us getting her bag together I think she is getting off at Oxenholme.

Ø Oh she is back on the phone "am sorry Tim am sorry please meet me at Oxenholme? I love you".

Ø Freya on phone "please Tim meet me there? I will wait for you there I love you”. 

Ø She is getting off at Oxenholme to meet Tim.

Ø She got off at Oxenholme and is in phone to Tim they are meeting up I think THE END.

      Conclusion- Three Days Later

Ø Sorry if I shed heaps of followers after that drama from Glasgow all done now time for a cuppa for me.

Ø Poor Tim I hope he uses his army training to hide in Carlisle and avoid her. 

Ø Dear lord I GOT an EMAIL to my WEBSITE from TIM or someone claiming to be him!

Ø Am not sure it's him "Tim EMAILED me" have asked for a photo as I know what he looks like.

Ø Tim is confirmed TIM emailed me a photo of him and it's HIM! OMG I asked him what happened at Carlisle.

Ø He said a mate follows me on twitter and he recognised the names and description.

Ø Told me briefly in email he is glad he read the thread as he didn't know Freya said those things - he DIDN'T go to Oxenholme! 

Ø He's going to Cornwall where he lives & has a horse and hopes Freya finds Marcus and leaves him alone - he is a bit embarrassed.

To see the original tweet live line go to the: Storify Site