The racist moment and the dog poo

The racist moment and the dog poo

Last week in our car park a few things happened, firstly just to explain we have a communal car park with a gate that never gets locked and it’s in an area full of parking meters in Glasgow’s West End. Every flat owner has a numbered parking space, I know I am starting to bore myself with this wittering….anyway, my point is people who don’t live here park here and usually in my space the minute we go to the shops in the car. I usually lock the gate in the hope that the parking liar will get locked in, but the place is so busy someone is always going out and in and leaves the gate open. Hubby finds an odd angle to park at that isn’t someone’s space till we can get our space back, I don’t bother too much.

But last week someone didn’t just park in our space they straddled their car over TWO parking spaces! It was like Dukes of Hazzard and arrived, parked precariously and leapt out of the window. I was so annoyed at that, hubby merely shrugged and found the odd angle we normally go to when people steal our space.

A few hours later am in my pyjamas and happened to look out of the back window when I saw a wee man swagger towards his badly parked car which was half in half out of our space.

I opened the window and shouted down “Excuse me, I have left a note on your window, please don’t park in my space again”

He looked up waved his hand and screamed “There are no spaces, everyone parks where they want, now shut up lady”

I was stunned, had I been wearing a bra and not jammies and slippers I would have ran down all the stairs and had a big finger pointing argument, as it was my boobs are too big to go in public without a bra so I stayed at the window and shouted back “I have been here 15 years and everyone has a parking number, see the numbers on the ground?” (I pointed) and hung further out of the window and shouted “plus you are in two parking spaces not one”

He waved his hand again and shouted “I don’t speak to women and they don’t shout at me with that tone of voice, now be quiet stupid woman and get in your window” It was at that point I shouted “Don’t make me fucking come down there you insignificant, ignorant racist fuck nut, get out of my car parking space now you knob”

At that point husband pulled me in the window and laughed saying “Stop arguing with that wee Asian man, maybe he means women don’t talk to him in general” he had heard everything.

Husband leaned out of the window and said “mate, move your car, that isn’t your space and you are in our parking space, just move the car”

The wee man shouted “Make your wife better person and stop her speaking in public to men, she swore at me, that’s your fault”
At this point I am pulling on a bra outside in and its all tangled round my back, my boobs are hanging out of it in my hurry to get dressed to go down shove my finger into that wee mans eyeball.

Husband shouted down “She swears because its her culture, its not a bad thing, it’s a cultural thing, its what Scottish people do, now can we move off the swearing and you can move off the parking space”

Husband was being so reasonable as I was becoming more racist by the second, I actually was, it was vile and horrible, like you suddenly realise you like horse porn without knowing it before.

The man was pretending he lived in the block of flats and wasn’t allocated a parking space, turns out he was lying and jumped in his car and drove off.

I went down to the car park bay and locked the gate, as I was walking back muttering angrily to myself like a nutter, two well dressed woman walked into the car park (the gate just stops cars not people) and they had a big black Labrador dog with them. The chatted and laughed, then stood watching as the big dog did a big giant shit on the small patch of grass that constitutes our private back garden. They walked off rubbing the dogs back congratulating it on a job well done and left a big dog shit on the car park/garden grass area.
Well, I grabbed a plastic bag from the bins and picked up the big warm shit and briskly walked behind the two women and the dog. They didn’t live in our housing complex, and even if they did surely letting your dog shit on the only bit of grass in the car park is stupid? Anyway turns out they stayed in the Maryhill Road and as they were opening the tenement door I walked up and said “Excuse me, here is your big dog shit you left in our wee private garden, I am sure you must be wondering what happened to the stuff that came out of your dogs arse, but I have here in a plastic bag” I threw it at them- yes I did and walked off. The woman screamed as the dog shit fell out of the bag and landed at her feet.

As I walked back all angry and justified, I realised I had turned into one of those people who fight in car parks and shout at dog owners, so I give up. People can bring their dogs to shit in our car park, folk can park their cars in the spaces, there are hundreds of people live here and pay for the upkeep like me, am not fighting everyone myself. Though I may buy a pellet gun and sneakily shoot dog owners and lying parking people as I get old and infirm and like peeking behind curtains.