Saturday, July 25, 2009

Jongleurs Glasgow

There is always one cunt in the room, and last night Mr Cunt was from a large group of workers from HML in Glasgow. He displayed all the characteristics of an angry rapist shouting stuff out like “Shut up you’re just a women” and ended up being disowned by his own company and thrown out where he started a fight in the street and ended up being arrested. I wonder if he still has a job on Monday? I can’t imagine his boss sitting there watching that kind of behaviour and letting him near women in public after that display.

He shouted, and did that amazing thing with both hands cupped round his useless gob and hurled abuse when I spoke. The room stared at him. I gave him my usual 3 strikes and your out rule, then eventually pointed the magic finger and got him removed. What is it about a man who hears the words “Stop shouting or you will get thrown out” ignores the warning and carries on yelling shit? The audience HATED him and were shouting to me “Point the finger” after I explained that if he didn’t behave, I just need to point my finger and he’s gone!

After the show heaps of people from his table kept apologising to me, though it didn’t spoil the night.
Today I woke up and ate biscuits for breakfast coz am rock and roll. Husband and I are missing Ashley like hell and this morning at 4am she texted me and I called her and wee chatted till the sun came up over London and Glasgow simultaneously, she told me funny stories about meeting extremely posh English people and how all the girls said stuff like “I am just doing PR for daddies company till I get married!” Ashley said she was the only female amongst the party who had a career plan and possessed hips. The rest were incredibly skinny girls with bad skin and all their names ended with ‘A’ like Arrabella, Emma, and Sophia etc. She said they all wore pseudo socialist tee shirts and were saying things like “Can’t wait for Uncle David to become Prime Minister”

The boys were all called Ollie, Henry and Theo who had large bodies, big bushy heads of hair and giant genetically mutated round faces! She said they all had big chins like the cartoon American Dad! She said she had to run out of the party because her eyeball hurt from too much posh-ness in the room, the smell of cousins marrying each other was pungent!

She went from meeting gangsters one day to horse riding top hatted toffs the next! I miss my wee chicken.

1 comment:

Robert Stockham said...

Ashley's experience reminds me of an old French and Saunders skit about 2 housekeepers that watch a country home for the lady from town who comes to the country for the weekend. "40 quid for a T-shirt?, she'll be having me dry clean her knickers next"

I love your blog and you make me smile with every post.