Lazy Blogger Janey

I have been burnt, exhausted and scorched by the hot sun in London and thank God, it’s beginning to get cooler! Husband and I are still in here in Westminster. The gigs are going great, life is good. I miss my daughter like a piece of me has been cut off.

I woke up this morning and had one of those moments where I felt incredibly old and my life had passed me by. I worried that I was too old for stand up, too ancient for TV to even give me a chance, too ugly and fat to be considered for any film. It was a horrible empty evil place to be. Maybe I should have done all this years ago? I spent my entire twenties and a good chunk of my 30s running a bar, why should I get a second chance at life? My mammy didn’t she was dead at my age.

It’s strange, but I don’t see the older men in comedy worry about this. I am quite old amongst the female stand ups, but am not older than a lot of the guys. Why do I get so insecure?

Maybe I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and give myself a good kick up the ass?

I walked through Westminster today and joined the Liberty protestors who were trying to support the MPs who were against the latest law that the government decided to pass through Parliament. They wanted to raise the detention time of suspected terrorists up to 42 and the bastards managed it. It is a sad day for liberty in the UK.

I am beginning to hate the one eyed Protestant Gordon Brown more than I hated that closet Catholic Blair, stupid insecure men that seem to believe they have the ear of God yet cause more wars. Don’t even get me started on the Christian Bush!

If he exists, God must be sitting ‘up there’ saying “Hey, I know nothing about this and believe these men don’t hear my voice!”

I need to stop procrastinating and start being a bit more proactive about my life.

On a lighter note I was chatting to a woman I know in the street in Soho, I noticed in the harsh sunlight that she had a big brown ring around her chin and jaw line where her make up stopped abruptly.

It was like she had drawn a big brown pencil around her hairline and head and from ear to ear and simply coloured in her face with dark brown cream, her foundation was coffee coloured and her neck and décolletage was white and pasty.

I was really tempted to blend it all in and rub it down her neck line! It made me rush to a mirror and check mine, but I knew that was futile as I wear very little make up and for once I was pleased about that!

I was frustrated with myself that I didn’t tell her, but I didn’t know her well enough to be able to explain it to her, she may have taken offence.

It made me recall the time I met Rachel Weiss the actress in a toilet. Her beautiful black Chanel dress had chalk all over her bum area. Other famous women stood and stared at it and said nothing. I looked at her smiled and said “You have a big white chalky ass” she was horrified and I stood and patted her pert bum and cleaned it all off. She was so grateful and the other women looked away. “Only a real woman and true sister would have pointed that out, thanks” she kissed my cheek and left the toilet.

I feel bad I never helped the scary make up lady now!

So remember girls, blend-blend-blend! I never thought I would ever give out make up tips on my blog!