"That's
my big brother just died" I said as I looked at the Facebook update his
daughter posted. Would have been nice to have been told in a more intimate or
sensitive way about the passing of my beloved bro, but hey-ho this is my family
we are talking about. It was New Year’s Eve 2011 and I was about to go and do a
gig to a sold out celebration comedy crowd. I couldn't pull out at the last minute
on New Year's Eve....and do what? Stare at the Facebook update?
So, I pulled
on a smile and dragged some lipstick across my sad mouth and headed into the
club. It all went amazing, but my chest and lungs hurt with suppressing the
shock and sadness. I kept staring at the laughing crowd thinking 'my brother is
dead and I can't even get time to digest this' but they needed to laugh and he
would have loved that I didn't cancel a show for him.
Comedy is
one of those jobs, where you can't wear your pain on your face or express it in
your work place. Jokes have to be done and a sparky demeanour has to be
adopted.
I have done
a comedy show right after a close family funeral, a child abuse trial and the
night my daughter landed in hospital.
I know there
are many jobs where personal circumstances have to be dampened and priority is
given to the workplace, but not many where you have to tell jokes and hear
people laugh as your soul feels like lead inside.
You can't
tell the other comics about a recent death, unless it's another comic onstage,
then tell that story in minute detail. If it's an actual family bereavement,
you hush as you don't want to be the joke killer...you have to grin and bear
it. Not everyone wants to witness a sad clown backstage...it's seen as
unprofessional. Despite my comedian friends being the most bitter, twisted
cynical bunch of folks you can find, they are also the most supportive and the
way they convey their touching attitude is funny as well -
"Is
your brother still dead Janey? That's a shame, is your mammy the one that was
flung in the Clyde? Yeah...that's a funny story...anyway go out there and do
your shizzle, see you on the other side" We bond over the gravity of life.
I am proud
of my fellow comics, who have been through marriage breakdowns, cancer
diagnosis, car crashes and yet immediately stood on stage and delivered the
goods.
We are a
hardy bunch of people and as I head to the Edinburgh Fringe with my daughter I
want everyone to know that we comics put our heart and soul into our shows. We
want everyone to have a good time, so come out and bring your laughing gear
with you - hopefully nobody in my family dies the first week of our run.
So thanks for reading, if you want follow me on
twitter @JaneyGodley for updates
and daily shenanigans
