Sexy Time

There comes a time when you realise you are old and that time comes when you moan about pop stars who get their vag out for a song on the telly. Ok, maybe getting their VAG out was a bit of a stretch and we are in the throes of a sexual revolution regards the UK trying to stop the sexualisation of kids, but some pop songs are very dirty aren’t they? When I was young that sort of imagery was porn, watching young people grind their crotches together and consistently flashing their pubes through sheer underwear...was shocking, now it’s normal.

I am not a prude- I once had a dirty snog up an alley and almost frightened a family of stray cats- and I do hate any kind of censorship as the freedom of speech is at the very heart of what being a comedian is, but should Nicole Scherzinger really have been on Britain’s Got Talent singing in some odd patois accent “I like it when me man go down down” and points at her vag as she thrusts it full force at screen? My eight year old niece was trying to gyrate like her as this was going on, much to the horror of her mum who switched over quickly and they all missed the end of Britain’s Got Talent final.

I know Madonna way back in the day got her nips out and snogged a black Jesus and upset lots of Middle American people and I was there when Frankie went to Hollywood and told us when to ‘come’ it all seems somehow tame when you have Rhianna in an S&M outfit with SLUT on the butt as she sings about being fucked and punched on a music channel during daytime.

My real issue lies with adult women (well ...mothers to be precise) who buy their wee seven year old daughters a padded bra and some pink thongs to wear to a ‘girlie party’. I am hoping its mothers who buy this shit, because if it is fathers...then that’s odd. Anyway, what woman thinks it’s ok to make their tiny child look ‘dirty sexy?’

Ashley still bemoans the fact I made her wear a ‘cotton rich frock covered in fruits of the forest berries printed all over it with a white Peter Pan Collar and knee length frilled hem’ to her 12 year old disco at Laurel Park School and she has never forgotten the denim dungaree outfit with white cotton shirt set that made her an object of fun at summer camp.

I didn’t want her wearing a bra until she positively HAD TO and as for sexualised clothing, her dad almost wept when he deposited her at the disco door in the fruits of the forest dress when he saw some of her class mates in midriff lycra and high heeled boots over a tiny mini skirt.
He wanted to vomit as the wee girls shook their bums and flirted with bigger boys outside the venue, Ashley wanted to cry knowing she looked like Little House on the Prairie girl in her flat shoes and berry red hair clips. Nobody wins the fight of the pre teen girl, but it’s up to parents to use good common sense. I believe traumatising them in horrid red berry cotton prints usually stops them getting a peacock sense of sexual behaviour and prevents early ‘boyfriend syndrome’ ...it works! Ask Ashley, nobody can preen and be flirty in a knee length frock covered in raspberries.

On a serious note, we don’t want to believe that how you dress incites sexual assault and it really doesn’t --despite some small minded wankers who insist that it does. But it’s not about that, it’s about letting girls grow up and the rate they need to, I know there are some twelve year old girls who can get away with a more mature sense of fashion but that still doesn’t include a padded bra and some diamante thongs on show with a latex mini dress. Mums and dads need to show a bit more savvy when dressing their kids, I can’t speak about boys clothing as I have never dressed a son and am sure they have their own issues, but really a padded plunge cleavage bra for a seven year old girl? I don’t think so.

So, pop stars need to rethink their masturbatory habits on tea time telly and parents need to be more responsible when wondering if their pre teen daughters need a boob lift bra.