Who does that?

At Highlights comedy club in Edinburgh a stag party proudly announced to me as they walked in the door “We hired a dwarf” and pointed at a little person dressed neatly in a police uniform. Everyone guffawed and the little person or as he liked to call himself ‘Dwarf for hire’ pinched my bottom and wiggled his bum.

The small policeman sat at their table, pinched a few cheeks and left after an hour as he is only hired by the hour and they had only paid for an hour. He was grumpy as well and I don’t mean Dopey, Happy and Bashful weren’t available I mean the small person was actually grumpy, what’s the point in hiring someone who is banking on their ability to be laughed at, being grumpy when laughed at?

Folk are weird eh? I didn’t know you could hire small people in various costumes. At least they have stopped hiring strippers and moved onto people with other talents.

Yesterday I went out to get milk and slipped on a dead pigeon, its guts all squirted out and my hand landed on its squished wing, then I spewed up all over the street outside the Shelter charity shop. It was like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino film, except it wasn’t, it was my life. I couldn’t get the bird blood and guts off my sleeve and I spewed all the way home. I wasn’t fit for a dead bird event as I am already sick.

I have been laid low with a flu virus for over a week and it has made me feel awful. It’s as if I am snorting molten sticky lava through my nasal passages and drawing hot coal dust into my lungs. Am hoping that goes away quite soon.

I Must tell you that the podcast is taking off great guns, we have had heaps more downloads and Ashley and I really have fun doing it, though I end up talking over the top of her constantly! Who knew I did that?

On other news I am doing my one woman show at Kirkcaldy Comedy festival on 30th September and here is the link to get tickets should you want them http://www.kirkcaldycomedyfestival.com/ShowDetails.aspx?ID=14