Things in life

A man dressed as King Henry the Eighth eating a kebab, a unicyclist falling and hurting his head, a woman abandoning her baby in a pram to scream in excitement at Stephen K Amos (barking up the wrong tree love), a BBC Tee Shirt clad assistant vomiting into the barbeque at Gilded Balloon, a critic loudly slag off a female comic who was standing right behind her, a female comic tell people my show has been getting no stars as I was standing behind HER (two five stars and a four, love, watch your back), and a wee woman calling a flyerer an ‘inconsiderate cunt’…these are a few of my favourite things so far at the fringe!

The week has been great, amazing audiences and lovely reviews, am happy people; I also had a few good meetings and a cracking audition, who knows what next?

My flyering team have been super sexy and fun, so good on them.

Ashley has been so wonderful and feeling so much better, I am blessed with having her around. Who else can do Alan Partridge impersonations at 4am to make me laugh? Who else can do owl noises and catch spiders like she? No one that’s who!

Meanwhile I have mastered the spoons, I know you have all been waiting with excited anticipation but I did it, I got two big spoons, clacked them off my knee and can now do the whole of the song ‘Seven Tears’ by the Goombay Dance Band….on the clacky spoons, Ashley accompanies me with a tambourine, we are thinking of starting a band. I am thinking of organising a three thousand seater venue or even Wembley for the first night, but suppose I should extend my repertoire to more than one song.
I never knew I was that musical.

My late night shows at Late and Live and Spank have been awesome, and the Late and Live gig has become quite a story as a skinny blonde girl from Oxford threw a stool at me as I walked on stage and challenged me to a fight, now as you all know I have been waiting years to beat a skinny Oxbridge bedwetter to death with a three legged seat, but I declined and let her live, we do need more law students and god forbid she doesn’t get to ski this winter. The audience band there feet shouting “kill her Janey” but I didn’t, she got thrown out and I never hit her coz am a feminist.

The fringe is in full swing but why don’t other flyerers know not to try to get people with venue passes on to buy a ticket for their interesting play about a one eyed boy on a boat? I don’t know?

There are amazing plays on and I try to go see them, I did go see Tony Tanners one man show ‘Charlatan’ at Assembly on the mound and it was stunning, just an awesome piece of theatre.

The other good news is, the flat has a juicer and am devouring six carrots, four apples and some organic ginger every day in a glass; soon I will be eating aubergine paste, starting a macramé class and offering wheatgrass workshops to the women who love cats and croc shoes.

So if you are reading this and coming to the fringe come see me at The Pleasance Dome at 7pm every night till end of August.