Ne’er cast a cloot till May is oot

There is an old Scottish saying ‘Ne’er cast a cloot till May is oot’ which means don’t throw off warm clothes until the month of May ends and how true it is.
I have been in London for a few days and the weather was bitterly wet and cold. I decided I needed a warm hat as I left my tawny Tammy bonnet behind in Glasgow.

The shops on Kensington High Street were full of spring flowers, mannequin’s semi naked in strapless frocks and giant photo images of young women lying beside rivers in a sunhat and see through top. I want to know who these people are and what country do they retailers actually think they are in? AND who decides that ‘spring’ is a time for flip flops and bra-less gypsy tops? NOT in the UK it isn’t…and never has been to my knowledge….we are damn lucky we get enough sun in the middle of July for that type of fabric and fashion and even then it only lasts about three days maximum!

I needed a bloody woolly hat to stop my scalp from freezing off Shackelton – style, the ice cold wind blew the dustbins right onto the main road and the bus stop at Kensington Palace looked like it was hosting a Chinese fan dance as women spun gaily coloured umbrella’s around as they tried to pop them back into shape. The rain slashed sideways at the tourists who stood beside the huge poster outside GAP of a young woman in a cotton bikini blinking against the sun!

I went into every single major retailer along that busy road and NOT ONE of them sold a woolly hat. They had tiny cotton dresses with spaghetti straps, they had brightly coloured cotton wraps to wear on a beach, they had white linen shorts and pink tasselled sandals, and they had straw hats and baby pink cotton hats, but nothing with wool or anything that would be warm. I stomped out angrily into the biting wind and rain.

Finally I found a stall on wheels next to the park that sold tacky Union Jack crap, and London street signs on tee shirts…you know what I mean… and bought a woolly hat from the man who didn’t speak a word of English but at least he understood our weather system. It snugly fitted my head, kept my ears warm and made me happy! Then I went back to H&M and bought a strappy dress for my visit to LA in June as that’s the ONLY place I could be hot enough to wear it.

London had been awesome, I did a wee gig in Kingston and Michael McIntyre came along and did 6 minutes, it’s a great wee gig, they had the famous American comedian Robin Williams there one night trying out new stuff. They tend to get really big names turn up to do a few minutes to try out stuff…its awesome.

I also managed to record the pilot of my radio show for radio 4 and that was great fun, it seems to take forever getting things done but I am happy we got it down now.
I am off soon to Canada to do the gigs at Yuk-Yuks comedy clubs in Toronto, am excited and bringing my woolly hat and strappy dress just to cover all bases of weather!