Janey Godley's Blog

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 98

2012-05-25T18:09:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 98 of Janey Godley’s podcast the gabby mother and daughter talk long haul flights, zombie apocalypse and suicide attempts. Ashley gives us some weird and wonderful news stories and Janey lets rip about David Cameron, Ghana sex scammers and the Bold Alec makes a brief appearance.

Ashley claims Janey is a cock-blocker and gives her mother some on air abuse. The book of the week is from Jenny Colgan.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 98

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Our Website of the week is Strip Generator, check out Janey Godley’s Podcasts first Comic Strip

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 97

2012-05-16T17:40:00.002Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 97 of Janey Godley's Podcast the funny duo are live from the Classic Comedy club in New Zealand at the comedy festival. This week's news covers everything from Rebekka Brooke's police charges for perverting the course of justice to news from UK’s so-called psychic Derek Accorah’s announcement that Maddie McCann is dead.

The live audience join in and we hear from the NZ comedy fest Billy T comedy award nominee TJ McDonald.

Mother and Daughter comedy team get to natter and the world gets to hear it on Janey Godley’s podcasts, expect some bawdy language and home truths, as Janey Godley and Ashley Storrie lead you down the roads less taken in their fantastic weekly podcast. Listen as mother and daughter banter, bait and burst with laughter.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 97

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 96

2012-05-09T12:35:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 96 of Janey Godley's Podcast, Janey and Ashley bring you a realistic taste of the NZ comedy festival as they record their show in front of a live audience. Ashley as always brings you the latest in odd news from around the world; Janey tells her now well-known story of meeting her hero in Wellington and both interact with the audience.

The show is accompanied by some swing music which seemed to bleed in from another venue, so sit back, enjoy and buckle yourself in... cause it’s live baby and it’s going to be a bumpy night!

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 96

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

The Night Billy Connolly came to see me do comedy

2012-05-06T00:09:00.000Z

I never thought I would ever write those words down in a blog but here I am. Let me take you back a bit, when I was growing up in Glasgow in the 70s and my dad let me hear an LP vinyl recording of Glasgow comic Billy Connolly- I have been hooked and love the man ever since. His story telling style hooked me and made me really interested in comedy.

When I went into comedy at the age of 35, the first press reaction was “Janey Godley is like discovering an early Billy Connolly” I was touched but a tad embarrassed in case the great man ever read that and was annoyed, as if he ever read about me? What a dick I am.

Anyway I have followed his career and been totally in love with his style and always regarded him as the best comic I have ever known. So I land in Wellington New Zealand for the Comedy festival to learn that the Big Man is in town and was staying in the same hotel as me and Ashley. To make matters worse, the hotel slip under every door every day a note about the weather and about comedy shows at the festival, so they slipped under his door “come see Janey Godley at the International Comedy festival and see why the press call her the female Billy Connolly” I was was horrified to know this! He would read that shit!

I had small dreamy moments, we would meet in the lobby and by some miracle we would be pals for life meeting up again!

I certainly had to stem the overwhelming desire to stalk every corridor and hunt him down, so I eventually gave the reception a copy of my autobiography ‘Handstands in the Dark’ with a short note to be sent to his room. The fact he may ever read my book would have been enough for me, I am not joking- it was that or I started hacking into the reception computer to find his room.

So, there was me and Ashley sitting having a cup of tea in the most beautiful hotel room we have ever been in and my phone rang.

“Hello Billy Connolly here” the Scottish voice boomed out.

“Get fucked you cunts, who is this? Is that you Terry Alderton?” I said believing it to be amazing UK comic who is at the comedy festival with us.

“Nope, it’s me Billy, you want to meet in the lobby for a cup of tea?” he suggested, I squeaked a yes.

I ran about the room, pulling off my pyjamas and managed to pull a bra on outside in, run a brush through my mental hair, grab my bag and me and Ashley went racing down to the lifts.

“Mum for fucksake calm down, you look like Kathy Bates from Misery, he will be terrified you are going to hobble him” Ashley yelled as I managed to press all the lift buttons but the ground floor one.

Eventually after what felt like 45 minutes the lift reached ground floor and I spotted myself in the mirror and I indeed looked like a woman who had ran away from a hostage situation. I breathed slowly and walked calmly into the foyer. Billy Connolly came towards me dressed sharp and looking good and hugged me close “lets get tea” he said.

After introductions, Ashley got us a tea tray, said hello and the excused herself and explained she was going to see The Avengers and bid her goodbyes.

Me and Billy Connolly chatted for over an hour and I tried hard not to gabble and talk utter shite and managed to calm down, he has a way of making you calm and is a genuinely lovely man.

I met my hero and I totally fell in love with him, he is really attractive and warm to meet.

We laughed, we talked comedy, we talked art, we talked books, we talked Glasgow and then he said “I will come see your show tonight” I said “please don’t it would be like singing karaoke in front of Elvis” he laughed and said “I am a great audience member I laugh and I love comedy”

I didn’t believe he would come, not that I think he is a liar, I just thought he was being polite – so me and Ashley headed up to the San Fran Bath House venue in Cuba street. We explained to the ticket man that Billy Connolly might turn up and it felt like we were fantasists who regularly claim famous people are our pals! The man nodded and rolled his eyes!

The venue manager Ziggy was over the moon though and the staff were excited about the prospect of our lovely venue having such a star in....then I felt bad if he didn’t turn up, the prospect of sharing the room with me for an hour would disappoint them.

Billy Connolly came to the door and Ashley met him and walked him up. The venue was closed to the public and the staff were so overwhelmed yet cool as hell and made the big man and me a cup of tea.

The look on my punters faces as they rocked up to the bar to buy drinks and turned round to see Billy Connolly just tickled me pink. Ashley and Billy sat down shared pizza and the show started.

I was very aware as i walked out onto that stage that everyone one in that room knew Billy Connolly was sitting there watching me, I was aware he was sitting there....my long time comedy hero was sitting beside my daughter with hands clasped and staring at the stage. My heart skipped a beat, the light blinded me and i said “Hello Wellington, how are you?” and the cheer went up.

I did the show, I did my stuff, I riffed, I chatted to the crowd, I made good laughs and claps happen and I forgot he was there, I forgot Billy Connolly was sitting watching until I heard his big laugh and then my heart boomed again and the show went on....the show went great...there were some odd heckles which I embraced and which made the show better and soon the lights dimmed and I was standing in front of my comedy hero.

He put his two big arms around me, hugged me close and said “that was brilliant, you are so unafraid up there, you know the craft so well, there is no such thing as female or male comedy, there is just comedy and you are comedy Janey, the way you calmy held them in your hand and took them on a journey, everything was just amazing, well done” It was the best endorsement ever.

My heart swelled with pride and relief, I know even if I died he would have said nice things, but it was a good show and as a seasoned one woman show performer of over ten years I know the difference...it was a good ‘un. Thank GOD!

We went onto the balcony and he lit a cigar and then quoted all the bits he loved and replayed how they made him laugh and then I forgot he was a huge star and me, him and Ashley nattered for over an hour and then we walked back.

Here’s the thing, I thought Billy Connolly watching me do comedy was scary, no- walking through the busy roads of Wellington with Billy Connolly was terrifying – he doesn’t give a fuck about the GREEN MAN and he marches onto busy roads.

Ashley felt compelled to walk beside him and I ran like a wee hobbit behind them and visualised my daughter being battered by a car alongside Billy Connolly!

Him and Ashley were like big Highlanders tramping through the glens of heather, no sideways glances just big Scottish arms swinging and weirdly cars stopped as if in homage to their presence....me? they almost hit me and were annoyed I was in their way!

I can’t tell you how good a night I had and thanks Billy for coming and thanks to Ziggy and the crew at San Fran bathhouse in Wellington. You rock.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 95

2012-05-03T01:03:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 95 of Janey Godley's Podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo bring you a short one, there’s plenty of laughter as the two discuss their recent journey's in Wellington , Janey's show and the reviews it's gotten, the comedians they've met and Janey makes fun of Ashley's love of Jazz.

It’s a short one folks as the two are still on a different time zone and are definitely growing weary of each other's company.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 95

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Check out our podcast of the week Walking the Room With Dave Anthony and Greg Behrendt.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 94

2012-04-26T14:26:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In Episode 94 of Janey Godley's Podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo are jetlagged, dazed and confused. They Discuss the mad Murdoch Family’s input to the Levenson Inquiry, How the world remembers the casualties of war and AA Gills ridiculous stance on women on television.

They discuss how Assad's wife has been contacted by the Wives of other world leaders in a bid to sooth political tensions and tell all about their recent arrival in the great city of Auckland.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 94

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Our website of the week although not mentioned as we’re jetlagged is Mi Glove on facebook an awesome new tool for those who like to paint or draw on the Ipad!

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 93

2012-04-18T18:35:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 93 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo talk about the list of people Janey doesn’t know but who are always in the media. The duo receives a parcel live during the recording – it turns out to be the latest book by Jenny Colgan!

Ashley tells us her plans for her birthday tomorrow and Janey talks about Hotel Indigo Edinburgh’s comedy on the room service menu event. Simon Cowell and the book he is pretending to hate get a ranting and Ashley spits nails about Gary Barlow. The Samaritans are the website of the week.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 93

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Our website of the week is The Samaritanscheck it out!

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 92

2012-04-12T19:12:00.000Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 92 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo get into a debate of heavily farmed hens and cows, and showing respect for the things we eat.

Ashley ends up crying over the news about a boy in a wheelchair who was robbed and Janey admits to being obsessed about Sister Wives a show about polygamy. Ashley explains the problems of our ever dwindling bandwidth and both of them get silly over podcast questions

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 92

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Our website of the week is This Day Today check it out!

Am so beautiful you all hate Me!

2012-04-05T17:45:00.000Z

Am not really, that was a poke at the recent article (one amongst many) by self promoter Samantha Brick who wrote a column in UK rag The Daily Mail (I know how mad?) about how stunningly beautiful she is and how women hate her for it. She tells of pilots on planes, ordering her champagne, bar men who refuse her credit card and random men buying train tickets to unwanted destinations just to be in her orbit, I think she overdosed on Mills and Boons books as an impressionable girl. By the way her husband looks like he is in a re- enactment of a crime scene standing beside her near the woods in the photo in the Daily Mail. I wonder what he makes of her madness.

I genuinely know a few stunningly heart stopping gorgeous women and I know they would never ‘claim’ beauty and then use their aesthetic luck against other women, coz they are not deluded or mentally unstable. Beauty really is what others see not what you recognise as a talent/burden on your own skin. My husband regularly tells me I am beautiful because he married me 32 years ago and if he keeps telling himself this, he will feel he hasn’t fucked up his original opinion because he as Aspergers syndrome and hates being wrong.

I believe my daughter Ashley is beautiful and I am her mum and will always look at her with awe, because that narcissism is based on what my own cells and vagina made 25 years ago, but she is beautiful to me and thats a mother’s love right there! But she is still beautiful.

Poor Samantha Brick got a torrent of abuse on twitter after her article went viral, but this isn’t the first time she has peddled this deluded bollocks- she has written about this before for other publications. So she must believe it.

Women really can be their own worst enemy, we buy heaps of magazines that show up any fat bits or bad skin on the celebs they beg us to worship and my point is men don’t do that? I had a pub for 15yrs and not once did I hear a man say “she hasn’t blended her make up in and her shoes don’t match” other women speak like that and Samantha Brick’s article makes this situation worse.

Makes you wonder what women like her really think? So Samantha believes-‘ I am stunning to look at it’ - therefore every career issue I have had is down to other women sabotaging my job? No, Samantha I suspect you being an average looking woman who keeps blaming other women for your own failures mean you have psychological issues that need attending.

Life has been tough past few weeks; I went to Boston comedy festival and had such fun. It’s a great city and the women I met there were just cracking funny people to get to know. The downside of Boston was- I contracted some stinky chest virus and coughed my way through the tour and landed in Glasgow so I could immediately head to Newcastle at The Stand comedy club. I cannot tell you how amazing The Stand comedy club is, they really looked after me and so I headed home to Glasgow sick a wheezing pig right into The Glasgow Comedy festival where I had a double bill one woman show to accommodate the volume of tickets sold.

Thankfully Ashley was there and she show managed, introduced and directed my material as my head was too woolly, and lo and behold I got a stonking review despite being so yucky. The audience really did give up so much energy I think I managed to do the shows without looking like a sick martyred comedian- so THANKS GLASGOW!

You can see the review here: Chortle and the clip of my Boston show here: YouTube

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 91

2012-04-04T21:27:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 91 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter duo give us a roundup of their week. Ashley finally gets back into the podcast now that Janey is back from her travels.

They discuss Ashley’s birthday, Samantha Brick in the Daily Mail, some news clips from around the world and Janey’s obsession that she met an old Nazi. The Edinburgh pandas get some attention and Janey tries to get a sexual story out of her daughter which ends in an argument.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 91

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support our podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our Donate Page and donate via PayPal.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 90

2012-03-29T00:26:00.002Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 90 of Janey Godley's Podcast Ashley is absent yet again and so Janey is joined by her good friend Shirley Doig, the ladies discuss their final week in Boston and the women in comedy festival they have attended. They talk about the mice in their hotel and the rat like Dominique Strauss-Kahn's treatment of women.

The funny women chat about their new favourite TV show "20/20" and the repercussions of racism on the internet, before wrapping it all up with a rundown of their top Boston trip moments. All this plus laughs by the dozen on this week's episode!

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 90

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Women in Comedy festival Boston

2012-03-27T22:16:00.000Z

Boston hosts an awesome women in comedy festival, now being a comedy festival veteran (14 one hour shows over ten years at Edinburgh Fringe) I was expecting a town under siege – much in the way Edinburgh gets every August but this one is very different.

Firstly it’s pretty small and I mean really small and secondly it is located in just a few venues in the Cambridge Area of Boston near the famous Harvard University. I suppose I was unprepared to just be doing odd slots of 7 to 14 minutes but I did get to attend and take part in their workshops and comedy panels. My favourite part was getting to meet loads of American women comics from all over the US and share our experiences, normally that is done in busy bars as comics come off a show and scream at each other over loud music and warm beer. This way was much nicer, also getting to see a variant of comedic styles, sketches, musical and dance comedy really made the festival an experience for me.

Women comics in one venue in a line up usually eye each other up like wary cats in an alley, or maybe am just used to dealing with lots of egos back stage in comedy gigs, but here the women were very supportive of each other. The organisers of the festival tried their best to include me in lots of the events and were generally well co ordinate and made sure I knew exactly where and when I should be. The upside is Boston is an amazing backdrop to a comedy festival, the city is just breathtakingly lovely and the people were so sweet and chatty.

We stayed in a stunning brownstone apartment/hotel which was so stocked with antiques and original fittings, I felt like I had broken into a museum, who gets to put their knickers in an armoire? I can’t describe how beautiful the place looked.

The downside was after the hot weather slid off to be replaced with a cold front we got mice running the floor and that made comedy seem that much more comedic and scary for me and my pal Shirley who came with me. The enduring memory of a mouse stuck to a sticky trap screaming for death at 5am will stay with me forever, but the hotel did discount us and were profusely apologetic. I have to say the place was stunning and very clean, it’s just old houses will get mice...I wish they had added to the charm and gave us a cat with the room. Then again a cat ripping mice apart might not be a nice memory either.

Luckily my daughter Ashley wasn’t with me on this tour as she would have rescued the mouse knitted it mittens and called it William Shatner.

I can’t say anything bad about this apartment it was just so welcoming, but am hoping when I head down to NZ in mid April for their comedy festival I don’t have to deal with mice.

Boston women in comedy festival will grow and develop nicely and I hope to make a return.

Janey Godley's Podcast Episode 89

2012-03-21T19:09:00.002Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 89 of Janey Godley's podcast- this special edition is live from Boston USA. Janey is joined by her friend Shirley as Ashley is back in Scotland.

The two Glasgow women discuss the UK budget, domestic abuse from Denis Waterman, the Orlando shooting and Scotland’s independence. Janey is in Boston for the Women in Comedy Festival which is happening this weekend.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 89

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 88

2012-03-15T23:07:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 88 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo get into the bones of Ashley’s past drunken shenanigans and vomiting technique.

Janey gives us an insight into the BBC news psychologist and features a roundup of what she has learned as a comedian. Ashley tells us some weird and wonderful facts and Janey gives her some advice about finding a man on facebook.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 88

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 87

2012-03-08T04:03:00.004Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 87 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss sectarianism, twitter abuse and zombie apocalypse scenarios. Ashley gives us the round up on her odd and bizarre facts from the web and Janey gives us the low down on Rush Limbaugh.

Janey talks about her fears and panic attacks on the Glasgow subway tube systems and Ashley explains about the fear of having the oven man in her toilet.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 87

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

One night in prison

2012-03-02T14:12:00.000Z

One night in prison

“They are not my guns” were the last words I heard myself say as the prison door slammed shut behind me. That slow realisation that this room with no windows and that smell coming from the ‘stainless’ yet somehow ‘stained’ steel toilet pan in the corner is ever present. What is that smell? I realised it was the mixture of bleach and shit -to be honest- the shit smell would have been fine but with a hint of bleach it somehow elevated the scent into a higher sense in my nose. My brain kept trying to make sense of what the conjoined smells were and that made it worse - bleach and shit were the two smells that remind me of that horrible night.

I stood in that small room that was painted a dirty mushroom colour; it had one shelf bed with a blue foam plastic mattress. The mattress when pressed emanated a new smell to the collage of stinks already in the room. I grabbed the grey crusty blanket and lay down. Then immediately sat up- how the fuck did I imagine I could lie down in this room and sleep like I was in some unusual hotel...I was in a police cell and I didn’t know when I was getting out.

I looked about and wondered how many people had slept there and if they had all managed a full piss into the mattress. I imagined men standing up and just pissing onto the bed with no care who may have to come after them. My fingers touched the rough blanket and I felt as though microscopic bugs were jumping onto my hand. I flinched and stared at the ceiling.

The looming sense of aloneness and my mild to middling claustrophobia made a sudden panic flutter in my chest as if a small, half dead bird was trapped inside my ribcage. I could feel my heart bang in my ears and my blood rushing through my veins, my gums tightened and my tongue tingled with the fear rising inside me. I almost screamed, but held back the panic as I knew my husband was in a cell near me and I didn’t want him worried about me.

“Excuse me, can I get a toothbrush in here” I shouted as I banged on the door. Eventually someone who genuinely looked like Les Dawson dressed as a woman came in through the door. I was surprised she wasn’t a police woman, why wasn’t she a police person?

“A toothbrush? Where the fuck do you think you are? The Hilton?” she shouted, turned and slammed the door shut, I guessed she must have been some sort of police worker or someone who looks after female remand prisoners and I started giggling nervously as I recalled she really did look like a wee fat aproned woman from a 70s sitcom. Am sure she had a moustache and then I pondered what if she was a policeman who likes to dress as a wee fat woman at nights and I had disturbed him/her? Then I thought...maybe I should be worrying about this situation instead of finding something to giggle about. I was in a police cell for possessing guns and that was fact I had to face.

Yet weirdly all I could think about was “I really want to brush my teeth”.

I knew that my daughter Ashley was ok; I knew she was with family and I knew my husband was in a nearby cell as he was arrested with me. How could he not know his dead father had secreted weapons in his house the house we were living in whilst my own flat was being renovated. How could he not know this? I was so angry, and had to face it; of course he knew but didn’t bother to worry about it.

Circumstances and a woman scorned had lead me to that police cell, if my father in law hadn’t fucked some crazy bitch who after a long turbulent relationship with the family hadn’t showed the police a map of the back garden where she believed the guns to be.....I would be ok. But we weren’t ok. They found the guns.

In that cell for that whole night I still recall the feeling of horrible injustice. Those policemen knew those guns weren’t mine- yet they still locked me up overnight.

I lay awake on the smelly mattress with the scabby blanket and vowed to never take my liberty for granted ever again- after a sleepless night I was taken to the courts in Glasgow and released without charge. It was over.

It’s been years since all that happened and I have spoke about it in my comedy show and made funny jokes and stories surrounding the whole situation, yet it still haunts me.

The upshot of that experience back in 1994 is- I joined Amnesty International in an effort to help anyone who was dragged into a situation through others and innocently ended up in a cell.

I know I was guilty by association to the family, and my innocence wasn’t clear cut but many people are held against their will and don’t have proper representation or help so please join @amnestyuk on twitter and get involved with their projects.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 86

2012-03-01T16:18:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 86 of Janey Godley’s podcast the comedy mother and daughter combo discuss the latest row on abortion, sexism and ageism. The leap year gets a mention and Ashley gives us a roundup of the worst and weirdest dates.

The twosome discusses the weird and wonderful facts of medical mishaps and the death of Davey Jones from The Monkees spark up some memories and singing from Janey. Ashley does her impersonation if her parents having sex.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 86

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

How poverty made my diet better...

2012-02-23T18:21:00.001Z

Everyone nowadays has an opinion on the state of the nation’s diet. The government are worried that people are getting obese and that the generation from the 70s & 80s are feeding their kids too much processed food.

Let me take you back to the 60s when I was a kid and my mammy had to feed her, dad and four kids on a low income. People talk about how poor I was back then when they have read my book Handstand in the Dark, which charts my childhood in the East End of Glasgow, and it was tough- no denying.

Seven days a week, we ate a full plate of potatoes, cabbage, carrots and a tiny bit of meat (which was more expensive) and our puddings were fruit or tinned custard and bananas. We regularly dined on fish, fried lightly in porridge oats or cheap cuts of liver braised in onions with big potatoes and pots of tripe with milky sauce or plates of chunky cheap homemade soup. We ate leeks, mushrooms, turnip and a whole range of whatever vegetables were in season and didn’t really know any different. Sweets and eating between meals wasn’t possible as we didn’t have the money for that kind of luxury.

Back then kids didn’t have food allergies, and I didn’t know anyone who refused to eat greens!

I have just realised that how we ate is now the diet of the middle classes, the very diet we moaned about and vowed to change the minute we were old enough to earn our own money and buy our own food. We ached for deep fried fish and chips, which was a very expensive treat, usually only allowed if someone had died and there was no time to cook! It was pure emergency food NEVER every day consumed convenience food as it is now.

I recently discussed this with the US documentary maker Morgan Spurlock (he of Supersize Me film) who was really interested to hear this as he is making another food based documentary. It seems the poverty diet of the 60s was so healthy and yet we kids couldn’t wait to escape it!

Who here who reached young adult hood in the late 70s immediately started gobbling down Indian take aways and fried crispy pancakes with their own hard earned wages? Anything to escape the dire situation of ‘potted heid’ (cheap meat cuts in jelly) and horrible plates of corned beef and mash! I know I did- and that’s when I started gaining the weight that I would fight for the rest of my life to lose.

I didn’t know then that cheap cuts of meat braised with seasonal vegetables was the best diet in the world for me.

It stuns me when I meet people whose kids won’t eat a vegetable or even try fresh fish- Ashley my daughter has always had a great varied range of fish and vegetables in her diet and is also amazed when friends of hers have never eaten asparagus or savoy cabbage!

There has been medical evidence that kids today eat way too much white pasta as parents know kids love something basically tasteless and squishy will go down well, yet too much white pasta isn’t good for the colon and has links to bowel cancer as lack of fibre is something we all know about. White pasta has no fibre, we can swap it occasionally for potato skins or brown wholemeal pasta!

Unfortunately the previous generation of men and women who passed down hearty food recipes, like homemade soup and liver and onion casseroles are no longer with us or have gave up trying- and we now have millions of children who have never tasted oatcakes or lentil soup or turnip mash and broad beans and thats a shame.

I do understand that for the poorer people in our society that it’s cheaper to buy a big bag of frozen burgers and sausage rolls from Iceland than to start chopping and peeling turnip or getting a pot of soup full of split peas and barley on the go, as some of them have never tasted it, so why should they cook it? Yet it is actually cheaper to eat vegetables than frozen convenience food, it just takes a bit of know how.

I wish that the older people in our community’s could get together with the younger generation at community halls and have cooking lessons and share the knowledge of people who knew how to cook good healthy food on a tight budget.

I know it’s a utopian idea but if pensioner Mary Berry can get the UK baking again with her TV show surely and older person on TV can get generations of people learning how to use pulses and cheap cuts of meat? We need to teach kids today that a meal doesn’t come in a box and maybe bring the heart disease and obese levels down?

I am now back to my old diet of bits of meat, fish, heaps of vegetables and no sweet treats or eating between meals and am losing weight and feeling good. Who knew my poverty diet was the one thing that would crack my overweight issues?

If you have any diet, help and advice or like me pretending to be a life coach occasionally follow me on Twitter @janeygodley

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 85

2012-02-22T18:59:00.000Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 85 of Janey Godley’s podcast the Mother and daughter comedy duo get to grips with the horrific situation in Syria and death of amazing journalist Marie Colvin.

Ashley gives us some hysterical, weird and mad facts about Hitler and she discloses the truth about her temp jobs when she was 18. Janey gets into a fight with her daughter in the ownership of the placenta they shared in 1986. Ashley discusses her worst ever haircut.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 85

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Don’t Look Back

2012-02-17T19:30:00.000Z

The last month has been pretty freezing here in UK and it’s a weird one when I keep explaining that “Yes, London can be colder than Scotland” people assume Scotland is the coldest place on earth and other people think “SHUT UP TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER WHAT AGE ARE YOU OLD LADY?”

No longer discussing weather, let’s talk about my doctor who interrupts everything you say with “mmm really?” before you have finished a sentence. It means I end up talking really fast and get my symptoms in before she goes “Mmm really?” and pisses me off...there is nothing worse than a sympathetic nodder and interrupter although worse is the people who say what you are saying at same time.

My hairdresser used to do that till I changed and went to someone who didn’t try and finish my sentences off for me by using the same obvious words as me- for example I would say to her “so yeah sometimes it’s hard to blow dry my hair on my own as its (she would chime in with me) ‘hard to reach round the back” then for the rest of the day she would say the end of my sentences with me.

Sometimes I would lure her into a false sense of security and then SWITCH what I was going to say to fuck her up – like I would say “So it’s nice staying so close to town as you can just WA... (She would get ready to chime in ‘just walk in’) but I would switch it to “Just watch people catch the bus” and that would throw her off and she would stare angrily at me in the mirror. It became a game tying to get her to believe I was going to say some well-worn cliché then fuck it totally up and leave her mumbling.

In the end she gave me a particularly angry geometric cut when I asked for a trim and we parted ways- I still see her through her shop window nodding and finishing peoples words off for them like a greedy word gobbler. I don’t like her anymore. My new hairdresser doesn’t say anything and does my hair as I expect and has never tried to finish off my sentences, but she does sing Adele loudly and badly.

I don’t mind people who voice an opinion, like the man from the travel insurance wing of the motoring company AA who called me about a quote I racked up on their online site. He asked why I never bought the quote they offered and I explained “Too expensive” he asked where else I had looked and I gave him a price a website offered me, he asked “which company offered you that?” I read out the name and website of that company and he said “no wonder it’s cheap, I have never heard of them, do they exist?”

I was quiet when he said that and I asked him “have you ever heard of me?” he replied “No” to which I said “Then how do you know I can pay for the quote...do I exist?”

I suppose getting existential with an insurance quote man isn’t funny, but he annoyed me.

I need to stop getting easily annoyed at stuff.

So here we are almost halfway through February and I am off to Boston Massachusetts for the WOMEN IN COMEDY FESTIVAL with my pal Shirley and then off to NEW ZEALAND COMEDY FESTIVAL with Ashley!

Meanwhile here is some local news.

Soon I will be going back to The Calton to donate a painting I created called St Thenew, she was St Mungo’s mother and drowned in the Clyde. Am sure you may recognise the parallels with me anyway Thenew housing next to my old pub is being officially opened and they requested the painting and that I do the honours of opening the offices. I am so touched and I still love The Calton- here is a wee column I wrote about it in 2007.

In GLASGOW'S east end there is a small area called the Calton. It has been included on many political agendas due to the level of poverty and drug abuse that is prevalent there. News reports of the decaying housing and devastating health issues have prompted promises of regeneration from all parties.

Yet people don't know how positively human and wonderful the place actually is. The history that surrounds the area is inspiring, and some of those fist-banging politicians would do well to recognise this.

I lived in the area, which sits snugly between Glasgow Green and the Gallowgate, for more than 15 years, and loved the place.

My daughter was born and raised in the Calton and, despite having lived most of her adult life in the fashionable west end of the city, she is intensely proud of her east-end roots.

The hard-working women of the Calton were a core influence for me. They set up drug support groups and childcare play schemes throughout the year.

I was in awe of them and they welcomed me in with open arms to their community when I became a mother.

I renamed our local pub The Weavers Inn after I had investigated the history of the district.

Just off the main London Road is an ancient graveyard. The gates are old and cranky, the trees are overgrown and the place is in a state of disrepair.

Many of the headstones are scrawled with graffiti or have been knocked over.

But the most important thing about the graveyard is that the Calton Weavers who fought and died for better wages are buried there.

On 30 June, 1787, a meeting of the weavers was held on Glasgow Green. Their wages had dropped because of the increased importing of cheaper textiles from abroad and most of the workers decided to strike, although some weavers accepted the lower wages and carried on working.

This was a desperate situation for many of the people. To be without employment and wages resulted in them being evicted from their homes and seeing their families go hungry. Yet the striking weavers stood strong and took on the might of the authorities.

The dispute eventually came to a head on 3 September, 1787: violence erupted after the strikers tried to seize materials from the weavers who had carried on working despite the low wages.

The military were called in and a detachment of the 39th Regiment of Foot opened fire on the demonstrators.

The strike was broken.

Six of the men killed at the scene were considered martyrs and some of them were buried in the Calton Cemetery. The families of the men were so poor that they could not afford a headstone, although a century later a memorial was raised to commemorate their actions.

A group of local people are currently fighting to preserve the graveyard, to cherish the memory of the martyrs and also to educate the local youngsters in their historical roots.

But there are also plans by Glasgow City Council for parts of the Calton to change their postcode to the swanky city centre G1 code, to attract more lucrative investments.

The Calton doesn't need a facelift or postcode change, it needs support. Government officials and politicians should be investing in local housing and enriching the lives of the people who live in the Calton, instead of pouring money into the upmarket private housing expansions that skirt the fashionable side of the Glasgow Green.

The people of the Calton should value their rich socialist history. Caltonians need to recognise that some ground-breaking and talented people came from their streets; people such as the poet and songwriter Matt McGinn; the rock band Gun, who toured with the Rolling Stones, and Davie Bryce, who set up the innovative drug support group, Calton Athletic, to name but a few.

We need people to stop pointing the finger at what went wrong in the Calton and remember the people who fought for a better life there and died for that very privilege.

The very roots of Scottish socialism were nurtured in the streets where my daughter was born and that will stay with her for life.

If only those Calton Weavers were up for election again I know who I would vote for.

If you have any diet, help and advice or like me pretending to be a life coach occasionally follow me on Twitter @janeygodley

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 84

2012-02-16T11:39:00.002Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 84 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter outrageously try to outdo each other discussing sexual antics. Janey gives us some insight into the Sean Penn controversy where he declared that UK should give up the Falkland Islands.

Ashley gives us some weird and wonderful facts about St Valentines and they both give us some horny animal noises. The chatty duo get deep into discussing the situation of Rangers football club who have gone into administration this week and debate if they would kill active paedophiles in the community.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 84

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 83

2012-02-08T20:37:00.000Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 83 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo give up their joint opinions on Beckham’s pants and his wife’s frocks and Ian Paisley’s big shouty voice.

Ashley gives us the weird and wonderful rundown of odd facts concerning the US super bowl phenomenon and Janey does quite a lot of loud cat noises. Podcast questions are answered and Ashley actually cries about her mum maybe meeting William Shatner.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 83

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 82

2012-02-03T21:48:00.001Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 82 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo discuss the latest news about Scottish Independence, Sir Fred ‘The Shred’ and Eamonn Holmes gaff about prostitution live on TV. Janey gives us her opinion on the young Tory who dressed up as Maddy McCann and Ashley waxes lyrical about her latest puppy obsession.

Ashley gives us a roundup of interesting religious groups and Janey talks about her husband going for a personality test with Scientologists. There are many podcast questions to get through and the gabby duo talk about their forthcoming New Zealand trip to the comedy festival.

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode 82

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 82

2012-02-03T21:42:00.001Z

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 82

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

Janey Godley Podcast at: http://janeygodley.podomatic.com/entry/2012-02-01T12_11_35-08_00 ">Episode 82

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmatic page and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.

Janey Godley’s Podcast Episode 81

2012-01-25T23:09:00.000Z

(Please be aware that this Podcast Contains strong language)

In episode 81 of Janey Godley’s podcast the mother and daughter comedy duo give us some Oscar facts. The podcast is recorded early due to the duo heading to London this week. Ashley has unearthed many weird and wonderful titbits of Oscar award ceremonies from the archives and also gives us a roundup of the latest nominees.

Janey gives us some ‘singing’ from her version of The Northern Lights and Ashley talks’ crunchy lettuce diet tips. They both talk beauty tips and get a chance to read out some podcast questions. Ashley wants to be the face of Poundland (which isn’t sexual).

Janey Godley Podcast at: Episode81

You can check out all our videos on YouTube.

Order “Handstands in the Dark” Paper Back or in EBook

Please rate us or leave a comment on PodOmatic, ITunes or Facebook

You can find all the info regarding Janey’s live shows by just clicking Gigs!

If you would like to support this podcast then please do so by clicking onto Our PodOmaticpage and donate via the PayPal link on the right hand side of the page.

I hope you enjoy our Podcasts it would be great if you would pass it on, thanks Janey Godley & Ashley Storrie.