So I am 50 this week

Yes, it’s true, I know what you are thinking, Janey you can’t be fifty not with that skin tone? But here it is, I am hitting the big 50. I told Ashley I didn’t want a party or gifts etc and she looked worried. She thought I was doing my ‘reverse psychology’ which I did to her as a teen, remember when they were 15 and you would say “don’t study for exams, take drugs and sell them it’s a much better option in life” and kids would stare at you and then go away and get a uni degree? No, you never did that to your kids? Well I did and it worked out fine. Anyway I now have damaged Ashley and she thinks everything I say I want the opposite but I genuinely don’t want a party or gifts.

What we are doing in way of small celebration, is to go up to my mate’s Janie B, me Ashley and my pal Shirley and we are going to have a curry night as Janie B makes the best curry in the world. Ashley is baking a cake and Shirley is making some nice buns, both of them are awesome at baking. I told Ashley never to learn to cook, unless it was crystal meth and sell it; she did the opposite and became a self taught gourmet cook. Her pulled pork is legendary and it’s not even sexual, my pulled pork involves strange men, sperm and written apologies, hers involves organic meat, a crock pot and indigenous spices.

Anyway I such fun last week in London, the best part was I stayed over in Soho and ended up quite drunk with two young actors from Downton Abbey, that can happen in Soho. I wasn’t too drunk to be honest, one glass of champagne and am pissed and suggesting pulled pork. The other thing I did was a TV pilot called My Life in Books with the apparent Dragon of TV Anne Robinson; she is an awesome gentle woman in real life. The show had a great premise, I get to talk about five books that meant something to me in my life and my favourite was David Sedaris ‘Me Talk Pretty One Day’ which I suggest everyone read. He is a funny witty US satirist and clever writer.

The downside of sleeping in Soho, it is noisy; you can’t get away from it. You live with it, it’s Soho and people outside fight and argue over drug deals (This could have been Ashley but she decided to get a dull career being a screen play writer) and then some unhappy hookers scream at their pimp and punter, who knows what upset them? Having sex in an alley against your will? That could do it am sure.